Reddit reviews The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame

It's so absurd and if you aren't in therapy people just say you're not trying hard enough or don't really want to get better, like being a victim, etc. Fuck 'em. They have no idea what's going on or what it's like.

 

I love therapy books now, haha. I hated the idea of self help but these aren't selling anything, they're fairly clinical approaches and written by actual health professionals, not gurus or 'personalities.'

 

Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

 

Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw

 

Healing the Incest Wound by Christine B. Courtois This one is pretty good but the language focuses heavily on father/daughter incest which is limiting, unfortunately.

 

The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker Don't let the full title mislead you, it's absolutely not about forgiving your parents, it's about learning to accept the shitty feelings that linger even after treatment.

 

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker A life changing book, really. I'm particularly fond of Pete Walker because he is a therapist AND an abuse survivor himself so he's not just talking from the ivory tower, he's been through it and the compassion and empathy he has for other survivors is evident in his writing.

>Acknowledge their mistakes, recognize the effect it had on you, and then forgive them if you can. Holding on to anger and hate can only hurt you.

Hey, would just like to make a counter-point to this. I was trying to compose one myself, but just found the following excerpt from this complex-PTSD therapist's website which is quite relevant. (Although I realize your point certainly wasn't black-and-white):

"Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover. Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process. In fact, the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive. This is because premature forgiving intentions mimic the defenses of denial and repression. They keep unprocessed feelings of anger and hurt about childhood unfairnesses out of awareness."

In other words, holding on to the anger is certainly self-destructive, but simply allowing ourselves to feel the anger is beneficial to our mental health.

from http://pete-walker.com/forgiveness.htm

For what it's worth, this^ guy has a great, very validating website. Also his book here is supposed to be very good.

Edit: Okay yeah, seriously, the reviews for that book are fantastic, haha. It's called "The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame". Highly recommended

Suffering is a great teacher. Learn from it. Listen to it.

Maybe you'll still be sad or angry, etc. But that won't be THE ONLY THING you are in those moments.

Depression is unresolved sadness or anger. Without allowing sadness and anger, you're not fully feeling. Let them in. Be mindful of them.

Think of a wolf. You can fear it. You can fight it. Or you can love it, learn what it wants, and you can train it into a dog: man's best friend.

The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame https://www.amazon.com/dp/1515079767/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Ri3jDbSC82RNM

Sorry to keep throwing books at you. I like helping people.

Hi, this is my first time posting in this group. First I want to say I’m sorry you feel this way and I have been there too.

Have you seen a therapist? I’ve been seeing a therapist and doing EMDR therapy since November and I can’t even tell you how much progress I’ve made in gaining self-esteem. Here is more info about EMDR if you are unfamiliar with it: EMDR Institute.

Another thing that greatly helped me were Pete Walker’s books, especially Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. His other book, the Tao of Fully Feeling is wonderful as well.

The other thing that’s helped me has been developing and sticking to a daily exercise routine, proper nutrition, sleep, and cutting out booze/addictive behaviors.

I know that may sound preachy, but adopting these self-care practices along with the therapy have completely changed my life.

If this all sounds overwhelming, just at least check out Complex PTSD .

I hope you can find something here to help you!