We found 8 Reddit comments about Your Life Can Be Better, Using Strategies for Adult ADD/ADHD. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Yes, describes me 100%. Here are the things that motivate the ADHD mind:
What you're doing is worse than just excusing his bad behavior -- You're enabling him. He's psychologically addicted to pot, and is completely avoiding facing anything remotely difficult in his life. You make it worse by accepting his "bad behavior" and paying his share of the bills. Bear with me. I'm not accusing you of being a horrible person.
This sort of situation is very common among couples. It is a catch-22 because if you become his mommy, and start trying to correct his behavior or make him into a different person, he will only get worse, and will resent the hell out of you for your efforts.
Ultimately, the only person who can change his behavior is him. He has to recognize his deficits and the effects they have on other people, and make a choice to change. You can be supportive, you can help remind him of his own goals and habits, and you can rescue him when he really fucks up, but if you go beyond that, you become a part of the problem.
Even medication is not a cure-all for ADHD. Even medicated, most people struggle with problematic learned behaviors, like compulsive avoidance of frustration-inducing activities. The most essential part of treatment is the formation of good habits and behaviors, such as paying your bills whenever they arrive, doing the laundry every saturday morning, and putting your keys in the same place every time you walk in the door.
Is he at least able to read books? Does he acknowledge that there is a problem? I'd recommend that he get some more real education about his issues - starting with Driven to Distraction. A lot of people don't like this book because it doesn't give any real solutions, but it does identify ADHD traits, give good "first steps" suggestions, and explain and describe the effects of common medications. Above all, it reinforces the idea that a lot of the problems people with ADHD face are not indicators that they are lazy, stupid, or a bad person. It is a disorder, and it can be overcome.
If that book sits well, and he's interested in either getting treatment or taking steps to improve his life, he could look at Your Life Can Be Better. This book consists entirely of how-to strategies for defeating the problems that ADHD causes. Each chapter is only 1-3 pages long, so it is great for short attention spans.
I'd recommend that you read the books as well, if only so you have more of an understanding of the problems and solutions.
Above all, remember that you cannot change him. He has to want to change, and make the choice to do so.
As /u/average650 said, you sound very normal for a Christian teenager! I went through (and still do) those same struggles. Aside from prayer and reading scripture, there are specific books out there that can help you.
For pornography, I've heard from this subreddit that Every Man's Battle is very helpful. It takes a Christian approach to the struggle with pornography, something 99% of Christian men can relate to. I've been meaning to check it out for about two years now.
For ADD, Your Life Can Be Better is a great read. I started it but didn't finish it (someone with ADHD not finishing something? You don't say!).
I think these two books could probably help you quite a bit. Lastly, don't forget that not only can you lean on God, but your friends (especially at Church) as well. It sounds like you don't have the most supportive home, which I'm sorry to hear. Also, you said your youth pastor might facepalm if you come to him with these struggles - hopefully that isn't really the case. Just open up your heart to him, and see if he can help. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with those you love, and those who love you.
You're on the right track. Continue to break your large goals into smaller tasks.
It's also important to know you can't fix everything you'd like to all at once. Just pick 2-3 things to work on (perhaps one item from each main category) for now.
3 things that are currently helping me the most**:
Hey thanks for this resource. Definitely going to look into it. As payment, I encourage you to look into the book "Your life can be better, using strategies for adult ADHD"
It talks similarly about making habits and different approaches to the same issues in order to overcome them. Great read
I started my meds exactly a week ago, and I also decided to read Your Life can be Better. That book was kinda useful to give me the initial push to begin taking some measures on how to organize better, but since I've been so little time at it, I guess I'm not too used to it yet. However:
Post-its and calendar, even in just like 5 days (I didn't start using them right away) I've realized that it's indeed vital for me. I started using Google Keep and Google Calendar, I'm also browsing for any other app that might be useful keep my schedule in check, like some weekly timetable organizer, some alarms to remind me what I should be doing at each time of the day and so on.
The two I mentioned at least, I would advice any ADHD-er here to try them for a couple days, specially the post-it one. It's simple, does only what's supposed to do (create post-its, organize them by color, make checklists, you can place pictures and audio in them and through the phone you can dictate the memos if you don't wanna write, you can also restore deleted notes) without any other distractions such as social features and all that bullshit.
From my short experience, is not that meds help me remember much better, and I tired using stuff like this before, but medicated I'm more thorough keeping track of them and getting myself to do what I write.
Your life can be better has some useful strategies. Easy to read too.
For me, Adderall is very essential as I'm a worthless slug without it, but behavior modification is key to actually improving my situation.
I find that Adderall is more of an enabling medication than a problem solving medication. In other words, I am more capable to be productive if I choose to sit down and be productive, but taking it doesn't mean I am actually going to choose to sit down and be productive. I can still procrastinate, zone out, and be an all-around mess if I let myself.
I'm not sure what your husband's memory problems or attention span problems are, but for me the key to being generally less forgetful and more focused is to create the "scaffolding" that Russell Barkley talks about in a great video that unfortunately I couldn't find with a quick google just now. But take a look at the last few slides of this powerpoint for some ideas:
Another thing that has helped me a lot is this book:
Where memory is concerned, that's one thing I haven't figured out how to support. I have been able to figure out how to be less forgetful of things like missing keys or forgetting to pay a bill, but in terms of remembering past events, conversations, etc. I haven't made much progress. If this is the type of thing your husband is struggling with, maybe some kind of daily journaling could help?
It may also be very helpful to look at a supplemental drug or nutritional supplements. I don't have any experience with that, but my understanding is that a lot of people find those types of interventions to be very helpful.