Reddit reviews Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment

The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature - evolutionary psychology, behavioral genetics. (probably most interesting from a Freudian perspective, deals with many of our unconscious instincts)

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces The Shape Our Decisions - Unconscious decision-making, behavioral economics, consumer psychology. Fun read.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Most popular book on the psychology of persuasion, covers all the main principles. Very popular among business crowds.

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships - Social neuroscience, mirror neurons, empathy, practical stuff mixed with easy to understand brain science.

Authentic Happiness - Positive Psychology, happiness, increasing life satisfaction.

Feeling Good - A good primer on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Also widely considered one of the best self-help books by mental health practitioners.

The Brain That Changes Itself - Neuroplasticity, how experience shapes our brains. Some really remarkable case studies that get you wondering how powerful our brains really are.

The Buddhist Brain - The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom from a Buddhist perspective.

That should give you more than enough to chew on.

I'd suggest this book

It's a real study on happiness

Martin E. P. Seligman

Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment



https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743222989/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_8052Db1DAKMKV

Your comment appears to have absolutely nothing at all to do with Positive Psychology. These psychologists did not invent the "law of attraction", that was a group of new age hippies who believed that if you just think positive things, then good things will happen.

Positive Psychology, on the other hand, is the idea that clinical psychology has focused too long on mental illness and behavioral abnormalities, and that given the information we currently have on the human condition, we should be trying to use our scientific knowledge to help otherwise healthy and "normal" individuals become happier. So rather than waiting for someone to develop a mental disorder before helping them, Positive Psychology suggests that we should reduce the chance of these people developing disorders in the first place, and we should help work with things like self-esteem, satisfaction, social skills, etc, even when they are not in the "abnormal" range.

These psychologists do not suggest that thinking "positive thoughts" will make your problems go away, and they do not suggest that a failure to think positively is a mental disorder that needs to be treated.

Here are some resources you might find useful:

Positive psychology (Wiki)

Authentic Happiness - Seligman

The Happiness Hypothesis - Haidt

I understand why people confuse Positive Psychology with woo-ey beliefs like 'telling yourself you're beautiful 20 times a day will improve your self esteem!' and the law of attraction, but Positive Psychology is actually a valid field of science which is based upon solid empirical findings. I just wish the researchers in the area would stop using such flowery language to describe their work because it causes this confusion - they're like damn hippies with PhDs.

I think your question is great - the kind of question that philosophers should grapple with, but seldom do anymore. It's a "big picture" question that relates to how to organize your thoughts so that you're not unwittingly working against your own long-term interests. In ancient times, the stoics and epicureans were concerned with these kinds of questions of how your mental outlook can influence the quality of your life.

It may help to imagine in detail what sort of life you would like to have, say, 5, 10, 20 years down the road. This future person will be a different "you" with slightly different interests and priorities, but many things will remain the same: you won't want to be starving or homeless, you won't want your kids to be crackheads, you'll want to be healthy, and so forth. Imagine an ideal "you" and then consider what you need to do to become this person in terms of adjusting mental and physical habits, what you need to achieve to be feel your life is well-lived, what work needs to be put in to get where you want to be, and so on. This isn't something to think about for 10 minutes and then forget; it needs to be lurking in the back of your mind and revisited frequently.

You may find Martin Seligman's book Authentic Happiness helpful. He's a psychologist by department, but I see this book as a modern evidence-based expansion on Aristotle's attempts to explicate the notion of a flourishing, well-lived life.

Hi Dark Knight ;)

I have experienced similar situations myself. Here's what I think about your whole predicament :

• It seems you are good at your job considering you got best performer award & on site opportunity. So I don't think you are useless.
  
  
• Also you are working on a startup & already you have got a funding! That's commendable! So you are not nothing.
  
  
• I am assuming you have a package of 3L+ which is a sufficient income for most unless you are a materialistic person who can't do away with ac, gold class seats & branded jeans. Money buys you comfort not happiness.
  
  
• Regarding misbehaving incident, you know you are innocent & your bosses have not thrown you out, so don't worry about it. Specially what others think of you. People have short long memory & with new scandal you will be forgotten quite rapidly. Look at all the politicians, cricketers & filmstars!
  
  
• You can search for new job as well if the work & the work environment is not stimulating. Also try for another state or metro. You will get some distance from your parents, you will get new experience & exposure in new city, new people & culture. It will take your mind of these current issues & you will come out mature & self-reliant.
  
  
• You are confused about further carrier direction as well. Stay in same industry, start your own business or IAS? Practically speaking you should get more experience in one industry first. Simultaneously you can work on IAS preparation or startup (but not both). After few years you will have more experience, options & clarity. On the other hand you have only 1 life & you should not waste your years doing the things you don't love.
  
  
• It's secondary what your parents expect of you or whether you will be able to crack the IAS exam. What's important is what really excites you? What are your values? What is important to you in long term?
  
  
• Your parents want you to be an IAS. So somewhere in their head they know that you have a potential, that you are smart. I dont think they really think you are useless, they probably want you to do more, be more. Ofcourse it's not right of them to pressurise you into any carrier choice, marriage choice etc. You need to sit & clarify this to them in a civilized manner.
  
  
• It's difficult to ascertain whether your gf was intoxicated or not. But unless her friend is really chhapri (cheap), he would not have dared to grope her (knowing she is with you). As you said she had ignored his lewd messages previous, that might have sent him wrong idea. But I hope she had told you about those messages before this incident otherwise it was definitely wrong on her part to hide such important issue from her bf.
  
  
• Trust is important. But none of us are Saints. What is important is to acknowledge your mistakes & not to repeat them. Fool me ones, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! So meet her, explain your situation like a gentleman but make it clear that henceforth you expect complete & upfront honesty. And from that day onwards, never utter a word about it.
  
  
• Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain & if there are trust issues then it's just a daily frustration, continuous snooping & tons of fights. If you delay the marriage & you are still in different cities, fighting against each other & with parents then it will only be an excruciating mess.
  
  
• When you get cheated on but decide to forgive the other person it often results into a snooping sort of thing. And it's quite natural if you think about it. One fine day, your brain suddenly got the shock of its life & it was painful to say the least. Now he doesn't want to go through similar ordeal again, so he goes into this super cautious mode & tries to verify every data, every odd occurrence. It assigns meaning where there is none & sees a face even in the shadows. Isn't it like getting bitten by a dog! But the good news is that you can curb your anxiety by clarifying this to your brain. Tell him that if she is lying then that would be the end of this relation & he need not worry. If she isn't lying then thats a good thing & he need not worry. Conclusion: Don't worry, be happy & brave. And yes, you are not a psychopath!
  
  
• You are young, you have health, education, job, financial stability, family & a gf. Yes, few of these variables are not perfect but atleast they are there. If you throw your problems in a basket where everyone threw their problems then you would quickly take back yours. Suffering is not the problem, it's a part of life. Suffering without meaning is the issue. Nietzsche said, “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” It's not what happens to you but what you 'think' happed, matters. If so then these problems are rather opportunities in disguise to take hard decisions, to find your meaning of life & to grow further.
  
  
• Tell me, if all your problems are solved within 3 months, will you still like to end your life? That is, if you have a new job, away from the house & probably a new gf, will you still find this life unbearable? What I am trying to say is, you are frustrated not because life in general sucks but because you haven't been able to glimpse at the solutions to your particular problems. Don't run away from the problems, run towards solutions. That's what engineers do, we solve problems!
  
  
• Empty mind is Devils paradise. You need to get busy. Start reading & exercising daily. This will rejuvenate your mind & body. I can't stress enough on exercise. If I skip 2 days, I start feeling low. Don't waste too much time on a gf who may or may not be honest, with whom you may or may not have future. Soulful conversations, jokes, romance is healthy utilization of time. Checking out last seen, fb pics, dress regulation, movement regulation, analysing every word & smilie is equal to eventual self destruction. Decide today to say, 'Fk it. I am above these silly games'. If you love someone set them free, if they come back they are yours but if they don't, they never were.
  
  
• I don't know how reliable online personality tests are. Actually you seemed opposite to narcissistic to me considering you are so concerned about everyone else in your life. In any case, you must get an appointment with a psychologist. This will give you an opportunity to fully open up & share your problems. Doctor can guide you better than us. It's not very costly either. You can expect about 500 to 1000Rs per visit for an average doctor.
  
  
• Finally, let me leave you with this famous couplet. It reminds me to become stronger version of my self everyday. (Note: I am atheist, I refer God mentioned here only in literary sense.)
  
  " ख़ुदी को कर बुलंद इतना कि हर तक़दीर से पहले ।
  
  ख़ुदा बंदे से ख़ुद पूछे बता तेरी रज़ा क्या है ।।" (इक़्बाल)
  
  " Make yourself so strong that before every destiny, God asks you, tell me what you want "
  
   
  
  Check out these books. These are all Amazon India links. But if you can't buy them now, there are free EPUB versions of every book mentioned below :
  
  
• Important life lessons : It's an online article that enlists 100 simple life lessons
  
  
• A man's search for meaning : Account of a survivor of Auschwitz
  
  
• Authentic Happiness : Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which is often given by psychologist to a depressed individual
  
  
• The mindful way through depression : How mindfulness meditation can be useful against depression, along with CBT
  
  
• The Willpower instinct : How to create habits using willpower, useful to create stronger self control demanded by tough times
  
   
  
  Summery : Don't worry friend, this too shall pass. It always does! Be brave, its a daily choice. Try to focus on solving problems one by one. Get professional help at the earliest. Invest time in things that will help you in long term. Exercise & read everyday. And always remember "All izz welll..!"
  
  

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

Authentic Happiness

Stumbling On Happiness

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^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

>“the scientific study of what goes right in life [and] those things that make life most worth living,”

That is an odd way to define Positive Psychology but I guess it's a fairly accurate summation. Positive Psychology was a reaction to the large amount of attention that has been paid on abnormal psychology- essentially what is "wrong" with people and how to fix it. This leads an absence in what people can do to better themselves beyond the realm of mental illness. How can we improve and enrich our lives, starting from a neutral baseline.

I actually find it very funny that I'm reading an article on religion and positive psychology as I took issue with Martin Seligman's position on religion in his book Authentic Happiness which is the primer for studying this branch of psychology. I don't have anything against having religion in your life (obviously) but I also don't feel like it's necessary. I align more with Daniel Gilbert's approach that you can get the same results when you fill your life with the same things that religion provides you regardless of whether or not you ascribe to any religious practice. A strong passion in something shared by others, closeness with a community, etc are components of religious practice that can enrich your life with or without religion.

All that being said, I do agree that Positive Psychology and Judaism go hand in hand very well together. I would say that as of the last time I really studied positive psych, the research was largely done on Buddhists. I'm very excited to hear about the merger of positive psych and Judaism which is another reason I'm excited to study Mussar.

If you would like to get acquainted with Positive Psychology, I will leave some recommendations below:

As I stated earlier, Authentic Happiness is the primer for learning about this branch. I do take issues with certain elements of the book but I still think it's an incredibly worthwhile read.

I would also recommend to you Stumbling On Happiness as it explores the more scientific approach to the study.

*I would also recommend you start studying it by studying yourself. Martin Seligman is still conducting research to this day. I would recommend taking a look at the Questionnaires section of his website. There's a ton of tests and surveys you can take but I recommend you start off with the Signature Strengths VIA Survey. Note, you do have to make an account but it's worth it. Once you've determined your top 5 character strengths, you can start trying to strengthen those traits and make them more prominent in your life.