Reddit reviews ConCom: Conflict Communication A New Paradigm in Conscious Communication

You asked about martial arts, I'll give you some tips. I can appreciate what the other folks mentioned about running and stuff, but in my mind, a good martial arts class that has a self defense bent will talk about those kind of things as well.

You need to look for a class that teaches with a force on force component. Basically, something that includes full contact sparring. Something that also includes weapons, and at least the basics of grappeling.

Then you need to do some reading. I like Rory Miller's take on dealing with confrontarion. Meditations on Violence , Conflict Communications, and Facing Violence are all great books.

All of Rory's stuff makes you think and most importantly, gives you things to think about regarding using communication skills against attackers.

If you are not opposed to the idea, you should buy a pistol and learn how to use it. And by use it I don't mean how to target shoot and clean it, I mean use under stress. There are civillian classes that teach pistol skills on many levels, close range fighting, low light fighting, basic combat medicine, and much more.

If you think you are going to be accosted, or even have the chance you may, prepare. Learn skills, get gear and use your brain.

If you are looking for specific martial arts, there are many out there that can fit your needs. It all depends on where you live and what schools that are around are like. I'd rather have a Tae Kwon Do school that practiced full contact non-competition style sparring and produced fighters than a Krav school that was more like a Jane Fonda workout class. I practice Pekiti Tirsia Kali, and not every Pekiti group is the same. We spar full contact every month. We work on ground work, weapons, and communications skills. We have even had a class where we trained with Simuitions doing scenario training.

Look around and if you have any questions, ask here. You may have to install a crap filter, especially lately, but someone will try to help you out.

There are a few popular versions of the LEAPS acronym for de-escalation. My personal favorite is:

• Listen
  
• Empathize
  
• Ask (for clarification)
  
• Problem-solve
  
• Summarize
  
  
  Also popular is HEAT:
  
  
• Hear,
  
• Empathize
  
• Apologize
  
• Take action
  
  If you make a mistake and the problem escalates, use corrective action AAA:
  
  

1. Acknowledge: “Jim, I can see that mentioning your medication is a real sore point.”
   
   
2. Apologize: “I’m sorry to have upset you. I didn’t mean to.”
   
   
3. Try Again: “I want to help, not upset you, so let’s try something else.”
   
   
   Things to remember about YOU:
   
   

• Keeping a level head is paramount. stay calm, cool, and collected. This takes practice and confidence.
  
  
• Your goal is not to be declared right. It is to find a solution to the problem. So… Ignore challenging questions or statements. You don’t need a power struggle. Don’t try to argue or convince. Try to collaborate. Try to see past what someone is saying to what is actually causing the crisis.
  
  
• Try to get agreement on a course of action. Repeat what the plan is and what is expected.
  
  
• Meet reasonable demands when possible
  
  
• Contain and control the environment. If you can limit the confrontation to one on one, without distractions, the better for you.
  
  
• Showing signs of anxiety will only make things worse. Minimize body movements like excessive gesturing, pacing, fidgeting, etc. practice controlling your vocal pitch and speed in a crisis. Speak slowly and confidently (low pitch, steady breath).
  
  
• Keep it simple and concise.
  
  
• Repetition is essential.
  
  
• Most violence comes with instructions to avoid it. “wipe that smirk off your face or I’ll wipe it off for you!”. If possible, just follow the instructions.
  
  
• Avoid clichés like “Calm down!”. No one calms down when being either patronized or yelled at. It doesn’t help.
  
  Things to remember about the aggressor:
  
  
• Empathize and validate their feelings (I can understand why you’re frustrated…etc) but don’t ask them how they are feeling (it’s patronizing)
  
• Allow them to vent. Some people just want to be heard. Listening can go a long way sometimes.
  
• Always leave them a face-saving way out.
  
• Acknowledge any any attempt to cooperate.
  
  
  “A soft answer turns away wrath,
  but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  Proverbs 15:1
  
  Bonus material:
  
  ConCom: Conflict Communication by rory miller
  
  verbal Judo by George Thompson

ConCom by Rory Miller is also worth a look.
https://www.amazon.com/ConCom-Conflict-Communication-Paradigm-Conscious-ebook/dp/B00IO9TTAG