Reddit reviews Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love
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STERLING
I understand completely. I wanted my Ex back for months and months, even though she treated me like garbage, screamed "I hate you", and hit me alot.
But you just hit it on the head...it's not like withdrawal. It IS withdrawal!!
The book that helped me the most in getting past the abuse was "Exaholics" by Lisa Marie Bobby. I got it from Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Exaholics-Breaking-Your-Addiction-Love/dp/145491825X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481045788&sr=1-1&keywords=exaholics+breaking+your+addiction+to+an+ex+love
It goes through how your brain makes connections to your Ex in the same manner of punishment/reward that it makes with things like drugs, alcohol, and gambling. She talks about how love, especially when you have an abusive situation like the one we (you and I) had, is like a classic conditioning exercise that will form that mental addiction process.
I don't know if you've ever had alcohol or drugs, but I certainly had more than my share of alcohol in my day...and I believe that the mental addiction process to love feels exactly the same. You don't WANT to drink...you don't think it's GOOD for you...but your body and mind have developed a certain series of connections in relation to that stimulus that make you "addicted" to it.
Do only bad people get addicted to drugs or booze or love? No. It has nothing at all to do with who you are. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
The only thing "wrong" is that you were abused. If someone broke your arm, you wouldn't say "oh my goodness, what's wrong with me? Am I a bad person?" You'd say "that bastard broke my arm. He's a jerk, I'm never going near him again, and I need to go to the doctor".
This is exactly the same. He hurt you, and now you have to get the help you need to fix that hurt. If your path to feeling better is anything like mine, you will need a therapist, preferably one who has experience in addiction issues.
Allow me to make one last point: you say you love "him". Well, I used to think the same thing about my Nex...but it's not true. I don't love her, and never loved her...I loved the person I THOUGHT she was, the person she PRETENDED to be when she was hiding the sickness from me.
But that wasn't real. There was no such person...and once the real person came out, I didn't love her. Hell I didn't even like her. I would be willing to bet that, as you get further away from his abuse and sickness, you will feel the same.