Reddit reviews Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

My family situation is similar though not as bad with the substance abuse and they don't ask for money.


To cut them out of your life completely is probably not the best thing for your mental health down the road unless they pose a danger to you or your kids. That said, everyone has to respect each other's limits. Offer what you feel like you can. Call as regularly as you feel comfortable with.


Remember your guilt comes from the fact that you are a good person, but also because society expects children to be dutiful to their parents. That stipulation, however, is predicated upon the fact that parents are supposed to be loving, sober, and dutiful to their children.


When the compact is broken, when parents are abusive or place their children below their own selfish needs, it inexorably damages the child as well as the relationship. One remedy to this is to parent your children in the way that you needed as a child. Through doing this, you will find the language to tell yourself the things you need to hear so that you can processes all the shit from your past.


May I recommend this book? http://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Again-Parenting-Ourselves/dp/1568381905


Good luck- The holidays are hard for kids with broken homes.

If you zoom in the title of the book is in small print at the bottom. You can also google phrases from the book which will usually hit google books results.

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https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Again-Parenting-Ourselves/dp/1568381905

This is a great book Growing Up Again

I read it to reparent myself and just ended up crying that I'd never, not once, heard the supportive or assertive care from either of my parents. It was all 100% abuse from Mom (criticism, yelling, violating my boundaries) and 100% neglect from Dad ("stop whining" or absent).

These seminars on Boundaries has been life-changing for me. It explains how a decent childhood affects everything. How well we do at "boring" routines like self-care, housework, sleep, diet, exercise, study, motivation for our lives needs to be instilled at a young age. Anyone with difficulty in these areas had childhood trauma regarding boundaries.

It explains why people who can't hear me say No the first time had shitty parents who didn't reinforce No means No. They let it mean "convince me" or "wait till I count to 10", or "keep pushing until you get what you want". They're basically raising a rapist.

Tim does a ton of other seminars on Complex Trauma and Codependence.

"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" was a good read, just to check your own EI and to help raise your child right.

I have a ton of other books in my amazon cart, need to wait till pay day :P

An Adult Child's Guide to What's "Normal"

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way To Calm The Chaos And Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies To Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

Emotional Intelligence

Nurtureshock

You might like "Emotional Blackmail" and "When I say No I Feel Guilty" to help brace yourself for going NC with your mothers. After reading all the things I have, and the seminars, there's no way I'd let my (hypothetical) kid around a narc ever again. Boundary Violators traumatize the shit out of babies and kids. They love it. They feed on it. They get their jollies getting right up in there on malleable kids who can't protest and don't know better.

Congratulations on being proactive and wanting to raise a good human being. Remember, protect yourself. Protect your baby. You guys come first, not someone else's feelings.