Reddit reviews Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages

Don't take this wrong, but 20 is very young to make lifelong decisions. Your prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until you are at least 25, and there are plenty of studies that show cognitive development continues into your late 20's. At this age, you think you know everything about life and the world, but you don't. You've posted 2 threads in the past few days asking the exact same questions, which tells me you are stress-balling and not behaving in a mature fashion. Sorry, just the way a 35 year old sees it (just had my 5th wedding anniversary, BTW). Chill out, think about the goals you have with your life and decide if they are compatible with his, and then wait. He's going to change in the Air Force, and you're going to change in college. If you come to a marriage as a fully-formed adult, you have a much greater chance of making it work than if you are just two children playing house. Also recommended reading:

Lies at the Altar

My wife and I wrote our vows based on a lot of things we read in that book, and we have made it through 3 deployments, and have 1 kid and another one the way.

Did he acknowledge that he remembered it was your anniversary?

Did you tell him that you had some surprises in store for him for your anniversary?

What everyone is saying is

DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.

COMMUNICATE.

I have been married to my husband for 10 years and we have been together for 16! I am 32 years old so we have been together half my life already!. We have had our ups and downs. What got us in trouble 99.9% of the time was poor communication. Him thinking one thing, or me thinking one thing. Me making assumptions that I later found were wrong. Him having expectations for me that were left unsaid but he held in contempt. (sounds alot like you)

Please talk to him, I am sure he is in the dark about how you are feeling at this moment.

> Of course I said it was ok, it is also your birthday and if that's what you want to do on your birthday who am I to be the bitch that didn't let you get your way.

Why Lie and say it is OK when obviously it is not OK. Your SO is the person you should feel most comfortable being honest to. You would not come across as a bitch to voice your unhappiness especially so since this is your anniversary. He would be a real dick if after you being honest with him, he still leaves and goes plays poker. But you let him go and he had no clue how hurt you were.

Some really good reads I would suggest.

Five Love Languages

Lies at the Altar

I see your perspective, but you should also see his. Does he even have a clue? What's your idea of quality time might not be his. Are you guys even speaking the same "love language"? (for real good book)

Birthdays and Anniversaries are celebrated, I always ask my hubby what he wants, or I at least tell him I have a surprise in store to give him the heads up. I no longer (in my younger days yes) make silent assumptions about things of this nature. It just ends up with hurt feelings, disappointments and misunderstandings.

A great read [Lies at the Altar] (http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Altar-Truth-About-Marriages/dp/B001Q3M5GC). Basically the premise of the entire book is that your BF/GF who was a dick before you walk to the altar...is the very same dick after you say your wedding vows. You had misgivings with this guy before you decided to be his wife. SMDH.

Seek marital counseling. Both of you. If you both would like to save this marriage then you both need to gain tools to nurture this, and gain some skills in communicating better with one another. If he does not want to go to counseling then I am sorry, a marriage is a partnership and if one partner is unhappy and the other is unwilling to help or at least address or acknowledge this, then this is not a marriage that can survive happily.

Another good read Five Love Languages