Reddit reviews Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives

I'm going to go out on a limb here and do this one off the cuff before I try to do any research:

• Charm. Quick to form close friendships. (or many superficial ones)
  
• For that matter, who their friends are, who they choose to surround themselves with (frequently a bigger hint than the prospective partner themselves, because they aren't 'dressing themselves up' for you)
  
• Their family (they became who they are from somewhere)
  
• Their attitudes towards the 'little' misdeeds
  
• Their ability to turn on the sparkle
  
• Seeking ego kibbles
  
• A tendency to lie - especially silly little ones or be an expert liar (that was not predictive in my case... until the affair started) or very persuasive (which WAS predictive in my case)
  
• A tendency when given a choice to take the best
  
• A clear desire for More that may or may not match reality
  
• I would say a tendency to collect things and a reluctance to give them away
  
• If there is a spirit of generosity it rarely involves true sacrifice*
  
• Tendency to get others to help (ie. do the work) for them.
  
• Projecting their own weaknesses on others (actually this is a good way to learn what a persons personality weakness are, by listening to their complaints about others)
  
• Being "surrounded" by drama while at the same time professing to hate drama (you may find with careful observation that other people seem to have more drama when these people are around, because they stir the pot)
  
• History of some sort of sexual trama
  
• [Editing to add:] conflict-avoidant - thanks, /u/ATHIESTAVENGER - (also related to being a 'people-pleaser')
  
  
  
  Now, I went online:
  
• https://pairedlife.com/problems/So-whats-the-deal-with-Cheaters
  
  I highly recommend reading: https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Mess-Their-Lives/dp/0060929448
  
  *OW was good at this... she loved giving gifts, but her husband's careful budgeting through the years had ensured that both their home and their cars were completely paid off, so their salaries, combined of over 100k, were basically spending money so she could appear somewhat generous while not sacrificing a thing - the gifts were never lavish - in line with what people their age would typically give (until she thought she might not win WS - and he suddenly started getting very nice gifts) but when I gave similar, I knew I wasn't going to be eating lunch for the week - for her, it wouldn't even register in her pocketbook. And she gave time to help with projects, but only when she didn't have anything better to do - and in hindsight I realize that everything she started to do, she needed my help with and I realize that I actually did all the work that she got credit for from my WS - he has since given me credit, but at the time... With kids, and two jobs, I always had something I needed to be doing so everything was a sacrifice).
  

Ok, this one will surprise the readership here.

Get this book. Do it now. Find it at a used book store. I don't care.

https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Mess-Their-Lives/dp/0060929448

I hate the author. But she's not wrong here.

Do an internet search for Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome. There's a lot of information about it.

Also, Dr. Laura addresses this in the first chapter of her book 10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives. She calls it "Stupid Chivalry... By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform them."