Reddit reviews The Complete ACOA Sourcebook: Adult Children of Alcoholics at Home, at Work and in Love

"Adult Children in recovery strive to go from an emotional child in an adult's body to an adult with a child-like side. Recovery is an ongoing process with many paths and detours and side trips. Recovering from childhood issues can be a lifetime endevour, but healing IS possible". Now there really is no easy way out of your situation. If your mother is not ready to start detox and the path to recovery, you have to remove yourself from that situation, in any way possible. If moving out is somehow not possible, maybe you can try to find a way so the drinking of your mother doesn't affect you as much. You will have to let go of feeling like you need to protect your parent, let go of the responsibilities that are pushed upon you. If there is a way to involve your mother in this that would be good, tell her how you feel and what you need, if she doesn't cooperate then don't look back. It will hurt, a lot, but there is no other way, im sorry. If there was an easy way i would tell you, and maybe there is one but i haven't found it so far. Just know that you deserve to be happy and live your own life, and not be held back by something you have no control over. If you got any questions you can send me a PM, im assuming i was in pretty much the same situation you are a couple months ago, it can and will get better if you take the necessary steps. Also, if you need some reading material read this. It helped me a lot, maybe it can do the same for you. I wish you all the best.

One answer is that, by definition, an alcoholic is someone can't control their drinking. If you buy that, and if you are indeed an alcoholic, you'll never learn to control your drinking. It's like asking a 5'11" tall man to try to be 6' tall. He's oh-so-frustratingly close, and he may really, really want it, but it just ain't gonna happen.

But like I said, that's if you buy that. Sounds like you don't, since you're asking the question. Some people think that alcoholics can learn to control their drinking. I don't know, maybe some can. I can tell you that I haven't seen it happen. But then again, it's tough to say, because if someone does learn to control their drinking, a lot of people would probably tell them that they weren't ever an alcoholic to begin with, right?

Take a closer look at your family situation. Whether you want to believe it or not, and you probably don't since you're just 24, you're not that much different from any of them. You'll see it more & more as you get older. If your family hasn't learned to control their drinking, you probably won't either. And I'm not talking about an "alcoholism gene" here, I'm talking about the whole package. Your thoughts, your actions, your reactions, your feelings, your fears, how you deal with life's triumphs & struggles, these all factor in. You're surrounded by people who won more or less the same genetic lottery you did. Accept it & try to learn from it.

Your thought about women & relationships may be completely normal, but then again they might not be. If you grew up in an alcoholic or similarly troubled home, you may have issues that you don't even know you have. I highly recommend that you read this book. I was once encouraged to read it to help me understand something a friend was going through, and I ended up finding out a lot about myself.

Good luck.

Hey I was reading through my journal today and remembered something I read in the The Complete ACOA Sourcebook about being in a victim role. When you grow up like we have, sometimes you gain this victim role where you are constantly relating everything back to yourself. I totally do that and frequently feel like a piece of narcissistic shit because of it. Anyway, learning about how to overcome your role is important in getting past it.


Additional advice: don't just Google this stuff because there's so much unhelpful and toxic information. The book I linked was recommended by my therapist and I love it.

Sounds like she needs therapy. She clearly wants to talk about it and have her feeling validated. As a person that came from an alcoholic mother I find your point of view almost insane. Playing around with drugs and alcohol terrifies me.

Just because I feel that way (and his mother does) doesn't mean we are right or wrong. It is all based up experience. I have a friend who is like you and I like him plenty but I don't hang around him if he's on drugs. I can have a drink every so often but I watch my intake very carefully.

Maybe the best thing to do is sit down with her and tell her that you hear what she is saying. That coming from her background it is no surprise that she feels that way. Maybe gently suggest that if alcohol gives her such anxiety she should talk to a therapist. Maybe even tell her calmly that her experiences with alcohol and drugs have not been your experiences and that you are OK. Maybe she will chill out a bit

If you take the time to actually discuss it maybe it will calm down. Changing the subject is like telling her that her feelings aren't important (which is something that happened to her a lot growing up with alcoholic parents).

Maybe you could get her this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1558749608/ref=mp_s_a_1?pi=49x75&qid=1345544407&sr=8-1

I am in the process of reading it and it has been really helpful.

Hey man, similar boat. My dad was an alcoholic. Have you read any ACOA books? This is a great place to start if you haven't already. It's a long, hard, sad journey but it beats taking the path your parents walked a thousand times.

Here’s a list of meetings (it would be good to call ahead to make sure the info is up to date): https://adultchildren.org/mtsearch/?input_country=USA&cordinate_srch=78705&MyRadius=50&mtsearch_srch=Search


There are also lots of helpful books. Here’s two but there are many others: https://www.amazon.com/After-Tears-Children-Alcoholics-Childhood/dp/0757315135

https://www.amazon.com/Complete-ACOA-Sourcebook-Children-Alcoholics/dp/1558749608/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539577540&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=complete+acoa+sourcebook&dpPl=1&dpID=51I%2B2S438WL&ref=plSrch