Reddit reviews The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning

It sounds like there are several issues at play here, so I just want to address a few of them might be.

First: medical emergency : obviously I don't want to pry but leaving this vague makes it hard to address.

Does she have some issue that puts her at grave risk should she become pregnant and give birth? If so, you have the option of requesting a family planning blood draw from NaPro/Creighton doctors, which will both confirm ovulation, meaning that you are at no risk to engage in sexual relations as it is decidedly her infertile phase. There's also TempDrop which was just released and makes temping to confirm ovulation much easier- no waking up at the same time! It's wearable tech, like a smart watch, that takes your basal temp for you while you sleep.

Working together with an instructor is your best bet to decrease abstinence and have confidence while navigating whatever health issues she may be dealing with.

Second: does she perhaps not have a sex drive during her infertile phases? This is not uncommon with a lot of women due to the hormonal interplay involved in ovulation- obviously we are biologically geared towards making a baby, and if that doesn't happen, sometimes women's libidos go "well, we missed that window- what's the point?" And turn off for the rest of the cycle.
If this is the case, here's my advice:

1. try to learn her love language. Being able to communicate affection effectively and in a way she's receptive to will very likely make her want to reciprocate.
   
2. try to have date nights during these times- Flirt with each other for heaven's sakes! There was a bunch of sexual tension not four days ago, what happened? Most likely, the expectation of "oh now we can," killed it! I know it can for me. If I feel sex is expected, I want to be left alone!! So do stuff that reminds you why you fell in love to start with. I find that "Netflix and chill," while a cheap way to spend time together, is not a date and really kills communication. Sharing new experiences helps you learn and relearn about each other, which helps to stimulate all those sexy feelings.
   
3. Do chores without being asked. Bonus points if they are normally her chores. Nothing makes me
   want to jump my husband like a clean house, and pretty much every woman I have spoken with agrees.
   
   Third - are you taking NFP to prayer like you are supposed to, or are you treating it as a default decision right now? Part of the NFP journey is that you discern every month the necessity of avoiding pregnancy. That prayer time is also supposed to at least help a little as a means of grace for dealing with the frustration that is abstinence.
   
   
   Other thoughts:
   There are also groups on facebook specifically for long-term/indefinite reasons to avoid (such as severe health issues) which you may find community in. You aren't the only one to struggle with Church teaching on NFP. Far from it! But it's better than going to hell. Abstinence is temporary, hell is forever.
   
   I love The Sinner's Guide To Natural Family Planning - its highly relatable, funny, and commiseratory all at the same time. It also knocks down that "prancing through a field of flowers" NPF hard sell that they do in Pre-Cana. NFP sucks sometimes. Abstinence is not natural to a marriage, but it's the only licit means to space children.
   
   If it's not too terrible to mention, you may benefit from a marriage counselor. Counseling is good for any couple that's struggling! And I'm not trying to trivialize the importance of sex for the health of a marriage, believe me. Lack of sex is rarely the only issue, usually there are others that are tangentially attached. Even if you can't fix the sex part, you can try and address the other issues to the best of your ability. They might be related to lack of sex but in my experience that's not the only factor/cause. So work on the other factors.
   
   Sorry this is a novel of a comment, but I know how it feels to hate abstinence and be frustrated with it, even to the point of sin. I think it's more common among married couples than anyone would care to admit. You aren't alone feeling this way, but there are solid steps you can take to try to reclaim your sex life in a way aligned with Church teaching!

This is a copy of a post I wrote for another woman who asked, so I apologize that it's somewhat woman-centric but, well, NFP is fairly woman-centric.

First off, pick up Simcha Fisher's Sinner's Guide to NFP because it's an amazing resource, very funny, and written from someone who's been "in the trenches." Talks about the good, the bad, the easy, the difficult.

Basically, there are three or four major signs of fertility; women can track as many or as few as they like to determine when they're fertile. These are:

1. Cervical mucus
   
2. Basal body temperature
   
3. Cervix position/firmness
   
4. Cycle history (unreliable on its own, but is a good "backup")
   
   Although just using a calendar is not as accurate on its own (thus the rhythm method came to be known mockingly as "Vatican roulette"), the other methods can be as good at preventing pregnancy as many other hormonal or barrier methods. I'll try and give the quick and dirty on each of the three above methods. (Following is clinical, possibly NSFW, and a little icky.)
   
   
5. Cervical mucus: The vagina is a naturally acidic (PH < 7) place and fairly hostile to sperm, which is carried in an alkaline (PH > 7) fluid. The closer to ovulation the woman is, the more the vagina accomodates sperm, PH-wise. The consistency and amount of mucus or fluid produces is also a good indicator. Right after menstruation, there is typically very little mucus, and it's thick and often opaque - a bit like school paste. As you progress, you get slightly thinner, and sort-of opaque, maybe like lotion or coconut oil. The mucus ideal for conception is stretchy, clear, abundant, and sticky - think raw egg white. If you're on any fertility/NFP forums and you see "EWCM" = egg white cervical mucus. Then after the fertility window, you cycle back down until you undergo menstuation again. Here is a SFW photo showing the different types of mucus. You test mucus... ahem, exactly how you would think. Wash your hands first.
   
   
6. Basal body temperature: The human body temperature varies throughout the day based on the last time we ate or drank, how long we've been awake, the weather outside, etc. In order to minimize these variables, NFP uses the basal body temp (the lowest body temp, which happens during long periods of sleep); at the time of ovulation, the temperature will increase by about a half-to-whole degree F (quarter-to-half degree C). You get this with a special BBT thermometer (regular do-i-have-a-fever ones aren't sensitive enough) and taking your temperature the MOMENT you wake up and recording it. Note, this tells you when ovulation has already occurred, so it's not terribly useful for predicting ovulation until you get the hang of tracking it.
   
   
7. Cervical position: As I mentioned in point 1, the vagina is pretty hostile to semen. The cervix changes position throughout the cycle and becomes softer and opens slightly to accommodate semen during ovulation. During non-fertile times, the cervix will be high/far (difficult to reach), and will be hard, like the tip of your nose. As ovulation nears, the cervix will lower slightly, open a little, and grow softer, feeling more like your earlobe. Again, you test this exactly how you might think. (Clean hands!) This is probably he most difficult to really get a feel for (ha).
   
   You'll see lots of "methods" thrown around (Billings, Marquette, etc) - they're all just combinations of these three tracking methods. My recommendation, beyond picking up "Sinner's Guide to NFP" above, is to download the very excellent app Kindara on the mobile device of your choice. Not only does it have all the tracking tools you could possibly want, but you can also post your charts (anonymously) to other users, who can then help you interpret it until you get the hang of reading your own chart. It comes with a Bluetooth-enabled fancy-pants thermometer called Wink but I use a regular BBT thermometer just fine. The only benefit of getting Wink is that you don't have to fumble with typing anything in at the crack of dawn, as it auto-syncs.
   
   Goodness, this turned into a novel. Yes, starting NFP can be a little squeamish (I mean, comparing bodily fluids to egg whites, let's be honest here). But in the long run, you get used to it and you and your partner will have a much greater understanding of yourselves and your bodies. Plus, NFP can also help catch other gynaecological problems early, as they can often interfere with mucus and cervical position! If you have any other, more specific questions, shoot me a PM or respond here. Best of luck and many prayers!

This book, The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning by Simcha Fisher, might resonate with you.

Aside from that, I advise actually taking classes so you can talk things over with an instructor. God bless.