Reddit reviews Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

In no particular order:

The Gift of Fear

Meditations on Violence

Facing Violence

Verbal Judo

Surviving Armed Assaults

On Combat

The Little Black Book of Violence

Street E & E

I could probably come up with 10 more if I looked through my library.

Whichever system you decide on, the tactics in these books will be important. Reading them before choosing a school will help you know what to look for. Sadly, some self-defense school will teach things that are either not practical, or will have devastating legal consequences for you (like how to take a knife away from someone, then use it on them).

Based on what little you've written, I think she's sensing that there is something wrong and is reacting to the meager "clues" that you give her.

If you want an aid to dealing with emotional people, then this book may help.

I looked into this book a while ago but ended up settling on Verbal Judo which I HIGHLY recommend.

I've worked the door at several bars and I can't tell you how much this book has helped me de-escalate potentially bad situations.

Even if you don't work in the service industry, this book will help you communicate with anyone from stubborn co-workers to a customer service rep that isn't willing to help.

I feel the book "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" is a great starting point. It has been reprinted, revised and spun off quite a few times. i have the 1980 printing, you may find This one more applicable.

Verbal Judo I believe /u/leatherheadff has taken the course on this.

I can tell you IMO emails and texts are one of the most dangerous forms of communications in the modern world. You lose intonation, inflection and body language which most experts and studies say is 60-95% of actual communication. It is also way to easy to shoot something off in the heat of a moment (My gmail has a ten second delay were I can cancel the sending if I have second thoughts) or while responding emotionally.

A quick trick for handling work emails is to ask yourself am I "reacting" or "responding". Delete any reactive content. Also, try to talk like spock or a computer and never leave in content that you are tempted to put an emoticon near. Very few emails should or need to be more then a couple of sentences. Always leave the address bar blank when composing an email and if you hesitate for more then a second before hitting send something most likely needs to be changed.

Sorry for wall of text, Adderall is in full effect.

Verbal Judo by George Thompson. Notes on dealing with conflict in conversation without causing a fight and by avoiding anger.

http://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-The-Gentle-Persuasion/dp/0060577657

EDIT: Easily one of the best books i've ever read. I use it's principles every day. I just decided a week ago that i'll be buying a new copy ASAP.

Yea, please don't be passive-aggressive about your problems. Even if it works a few times, in the long run, it will not help.

Your best bet, as with any situation, is to address the situation you have is to address the situation directly. It might be awkward and difficult, but in the long run, it is better for your relationship because things will not end up festering until the other person realizes that there is a problem. Try reading Verbal Judo. It is not the end all be all of communication, but it certainly presents some solid points that help in interactions with all manner of people.

That said, you need to sit down with your SO and have a serious talk with them about your finances, his finances, and your future together. Finances are the #1 reason relationships fail, so you are not doing yourself ANY good by not actually talking to him about this being such an issue for you.

This isn't a case of "He's out of work and can't afford to contribute to the monthly expenses, but he helps out in other ways, and we are still tight." He has the money. You do not feel like he's contributing much to your household, and I would agree with your assessment.

As someone that has two step-daughters and no children of my own, I will say with certainty, there are guys out in the world that will be good with your child, but are interested in being part of a household "team." If he is not contributing financially, he, at the least, needs to be doing things to contribute to the household as a whole.

Someone elsewhere in the thread mentioned that you should think of your daughter and the behavior that this models for her. I absolutely agree. You need to model behavior for your daughter that says that it is ok to look for someone that values you and her and is willing to work together for the benefit of everyone.