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Top comments that mention products on r/exredpill:

u/Criticalthinking346 · 1 pointr/exredpill

So, we have an enlarged amygdala because of our thinking. Our ancestors learned to fear everything, this caused the over evolution of it. So yes evolution is environment and biological mixed, you can’t have one without the other. The first single called organisms that sensed light (from the environment), did better than those that didn’t. However if there wasn’t any light they wouldn’t have. If we as a people all started working on neocortex growth this would eventually trickle down. The biggest issues in our society are caused by our failure to evolve as quickly as our society has. We no longer have to fear lions, triggers, and bears, but our amygdala is operating on this old fear system.

However we very much can learn to chill the fuck out, and it starts with addressing our thoughts. The best way to do this is through mindfulness. I personally have in depth understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mix it with mindfulness. It work so well I wanted to learn where mindfulness originated from. This lead me to Zen. So I would recommend anything mindfulness related to start you on your path. Crazy enough you’ve already been exposed to it through some of the red pill (they are good about using wisdom from others and dressing it up like there own). Two really good books are the subtle art of not giving a fuck and everything is fucked both are by Mark Manson. He is very good at mixing eastern philosophy and psychology in a way that makes it very understandable.

You seem to view her as an extension of yourself and your own status. This is faulty logic. She (like you) are complete and whole on your own. See in life when it comes to sexual relationships we have three choices. Don’t have any experience, have an in depth experience, or have a breath of experiences. None is better or worse than another, they are just different. Choose going alone and you avoid having to ever compromise anything but you’ll always feel like an outsider on some level. Choose an in-depth experience and you lose out on variety and can get boring, but you have a real chance at true intimacy (I say chance because a lot of relationships don’t make it, because it can take 15-30 years to get there). Lastly choosing a breath lets you have a lot of experience and never gets boring, but you have no chance at true intimacy.

So for most of human history women were only allowed to choose between no experience or in-depth. This lead to a lot of suicide, early death etc. Now women are as free as men, but unfortunately not all men have evolved past women being property or just an extension of self. They can’t see that everyone is playing their own game.

I use the analogy of broad games. Everyone is playing their own board game and thinks everyone else is playing the same one. However they aren’t we are all playing different ones, and can never see others persons game. So say your playing monopoly and I am playing chess. I look over at you and get mad that your not moving your pieces like chess, your not playing by my rules. Yet how could you? Your playing a totally different game. This is the truth of everyone no matter how much you love them or how long you’ve been together. I am my husband are playing different games and that just fine as long as I respect his, and he mine.

Having multiple partners isn’t god or bad. It’s just having more partners. What I mean is do you like your girlfriend now? Because if you do you must thank all her past experiences, sexual or not. This is because we’re all just our accumulation of our past experiences. You take away any experience you change the person.

I would humbly suggest you start viewing your girlfriend as a complete person worthy of love and respect like we all our regardless of past. Also stop putting your worth in external things like status, ideas, beliefs. I am no less worthy of my husbands love because of my past. He still loves me and see me as equals because he respects my humanness. He doesn’t believe my past has any bearing on our future (because it doesn’t). He especially does not see me as an extension of himself.

Try the books they can really help.

u/Supernumiphone · 9 pointsr/exredpill

My first suggestion is to recognize that you are holding onto a belief that a relationship is to some degree necessary for your happiness or contentment. The next step is to question this belief. Try this thought experiment: Imagine that you can be perfectly content in your life without a relationship. You go through your days fulfilled, wanting for nothing. You enjoy whatever activities you choose to engage in fully. You have all you need. Now a relationship becomes available. Do you take it? Maybe yes, maybe no. If the benefits outweigh the costs, perhaps it's a "yes." If not, you walk away, because after all why pay the cost if it's not worth it? You certainly don't need it.

I would like to suggest that this is completely possible. The first step here is to stop holding onto the belief that you can't be happy without that. As long as you believe that, you make it true. Any such fixation becomes self-fulfilling. You obsess over the thing you don't have and make yourself miserable.

You say you have a history of mental health problems. Well let me tell you, a relationship won't fix them. It's common for people to believe that the solution to their problems is something external to themselves, but in situations like yours it is never true. Until you address your problems internally a team of supermodels taking turns riding your dick wouldn't help you. It'd be fun, sure, but once the initial thrill wore off you'd find yourself back in the same emotional space with the same problems.

How to get there? I'm not aware of any single one-size-fits-all solution, but it would be worth considering therapy if that appeals to you. To me meditation is a must. If you're not doing that I'd say make it a priority to develop a practice with the intention of making it lifelong. The best book of which I am aware and the one I'd recommend for this is The Mind Illuminated.

Beyond that try to work on your emotional health. A book I highly recommend for this is The Presence Process. Another good one is The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.

Read these books, apply them, and live them diligently and consistently, and I predict that in a year or two your outlook on life will be completely transformed. Once you get to that point, maybe a relationship will happen, or maybe it won't. You'll be fine either way, and that's more valuable than any pickup technique.

u/rrroqitsci · 5 pointsr/exredpill

Ok, it’s good to know your world view is not toxic, it’s just a million other guys your age!

You, and a million other guys (like me) ran through a very common scenario for all us. That is because you suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome. Yes, that’s a thing. I recommend you get Dr. Robert Glover’s book Mo More Mr. Nice Guy which explains everything. It’s a must read for young guys.

For you specifically, here’s the tl;dr on what you did wrong:

  1. you made your happiness dependent on somebody else; never do that; always build a cool life for yourself (hobbies, events, etc) first

  2. you were inauthentic and even dishonest with her; you had a “covert contract” with her to be there for you and turn it into a relationship; she had no idea of that

  3. you didn’t get what you wanted, so you had a (very common) emotional breakdown and “victim puked” your emotions on her; that’s not vulnerability, that’s scary to people.

    Hey, you’re young and you have plenty of time to get things straight. Plus there is a boatload of good resources out there for you; I didn’t have that back when I was going thru the same stuff as you.

    I also suggest you listen to current episodes of both The Art of Charm podcast and the Jordan Harbinger Podcast. Both are independently doing episodes on authenticity and vulnerability right about now (October 2018).

u/bluescrew · 13 pointsr/exredpill

This is so true. "I'm a virgin so can you have sex with me and teach me everything" is not an appealing offer, it's a to-do list given to me by a person who sees his virginity as his whole identity and needs me to validate his existence. It's all about him.

Whereas, "I noticed you are interested in me, I'm interested back, i love your attitude your intelligence and your butt, btw this is my first time" is not a problem. It makes me feel desired and not pressured.

As far as wanting her to show you the ropes. Don't do that. She can only show you how to please HER- not how to please all women. Each new woman is going to like things the last woman hated. You don't get to just "learn sex" once and be perfect at it after that. Also she's learning you at the same time. I've never met two men who like their dick sucked exactly the same way.

I'm gonna recommend a book- but it's not because I've read it. (I haven't. ) It's because my boyfriend has read it. He is exactly the kind of "experienced" man you envy... but women didn't teach him. He taught himself. And he credits this book.

u/mischiffmaker · 3 pointsr/exredpill

To add depth to your understanding of what patriarchy is and how it entered our social sphere, there's an interesting book by James C. Scott, "Against the Grain: A deep history of the earliest states," which examines how patriarchal societies arose as people began moving from hunting-gathering societies towards sedentary farming, and why it specifically occurred in grain-producing communities.

As a long-time feminist--I grew up with the 60's and 70's era feminism, which was about parity between the sexes, not one dominating the other--I've been really puzzled about how patriarchal structure arose. This book is the closest understanding I've come across so far.

I think you've raised very good questions about how younger generations view feminism and its relationship to society. I don't have any answers, but all we can do is ask questions and search for the answers that make sense to us.

Good luck to you!

u/TheRainMonster · 3 pointsr/exredpill

You seem strongly logic-driven, so what I think might be most helpful to you would be to read "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan. It points out the techniques which cults use to indoctrinate and narrow the thinking of their followers. There are undoubtedly other books or sources which would be great for that purpose, anecdotally it's the one which really helped me. Once you can see the structure of the approach used by groups to narrow your thinking and conform to their ideas, then go out of your way to research opposing claims. Be on the look-out for cognitive dissonance in yourself. Beyond TRP, it's an approach that will help you to not mistake validation with logical thinking.

u/beckoning_cat · 2 pointsr/exredpill

I would ask them what have they invented first.

Woman invented kevlar. Rosaland Franklin was actually the one to discover DNA and was finally given credit post mortem. Rocket fuel, the aquarium, hydrozine propulsion system.

There is a neat book to read called:

America's Women: 400 Years of Dolls, Drudges, Helpmates, and Heroines

I like the story of Margaret Brent
Who saved the colony of Maryland from being wrecked by an insurrection. She got kicked out of Maryland for her efforts.

u/assisted_herbicide · 4 pointsr/exredpill

Just because it's in a youtube video doesn't mean it's information.

Try a book

Some people do indeed fake love to get what they want, but that's generally the domain of a subset of people with particular personality disorders, a tiny minority of the population. You're talking about what could be described as an abusive relationship, I suggest you read up on what those are.

u/alcockell · 1 pointr/exredpill

Sex addiction theory is pushed by Patric Carnes, who is downstream of Mary Koss. It is NOT in the DSM5 or ICD10. It's also been debunked.

Koss erased me as a male victim of female perpetrated sexual abuse. She is directly linked to me suicidally eating for 30 years as I internalised the highly toxic Dworkin/Mackinnon/Koss "you are an evil subhuman rapemonster because penis - and you weren't raped" alongside my abuse in 1984. I have no time for her.

A radio interview from 2015 -

I almost died in 2011 - it took till 2013 to decouple the eating...

As a virgin, I can hardly be a sex addict.

One book that did help me was one on sexual anorexia (Patric Carnes- early 2000s) - the only problem was that support was only available through sex ADDICT groups... it was set up in a similar manner to how Duluth erases male victims of female perpetrators - and forces the male victim to parrot a lie - "I am a male abuser". Int he same manner of a Vietcong prisoner having to parrot "I am a Yankee imperialist oppressor" in a show trial.