Reddit reviews Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

(IMO)

Effective communication, and proper communication technique. The first part is a "no duh" but the second part I think a lot of people could learn.

Here's what I mean. You want to use "I feel" language.

Bad: "You don't care about me" or "You ignore me all the time"

Good: "When you come home and don't say hi, I feel ignored". Gotta have an action, then how that action makes you feel. It's not accusatory and it gives the other person the ability to aknowlege your feelings. And you do it without being hyperbolic (aka "you never..."/"you always..." which is not constructive language). I got these from my awesome boyfreiend and also in the book Conversationally Speaking which is good for pretty much all social interactions, and also how to deal with problem people (like passive-agressiveness, and self-demeaning people (like "I suck and no one likes me") I forget the term)

I guess maybe an even power balance?

Also being quick to apologize, not holding grudges, being open minded, taking part (at least giving an effort) in hobbies your SO likes even if you might not. and naturally not being emotionally or physically abusive.

conversationally speaking is my favorite. short enough to finish in 2 full length bathroom breaks too. great to reread for maitenance too.
http://www.amazon.com/Conversationally-Speaking-Increase-Personal-Effectiveness/dp/1565656296/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408374258&sr=1-1&keywords=conversationally+speaking

Music!

Sunsets!

Kid's cute little voices and silly sayings!

Jlai, you should start seeing a psychologist. This will help you feel a lot better because you'll be working with someone who's a pro and who's in your corner. You really should start asking your doctor for a referral because depression, agoraphobia and social anxiety are not big enough reasons to keep a person from living.

You're not alone. I have depression myself. And I see a psychologist and I even take medicine for my depression. Did you know that 1 out of every 16 Americans is taking anti-depressants? That's about 6%, right? You're not alone.

I'd like you to make a commitment to setting up an appointment to see a psychologist tomorrow. You'll start to feel a lot better knowing that you're getting on the road to feeling better and putting one foot in front of the other down that road.

Also, I can recommend a book that I think is an excellent guide on how to have good conversations with people. The book is Conversationally Speaking by Alan Garner.

OK, start taking positive action. Make that appointment. Buy that book. And maybe you can find an excuse to do some of your work at a cafe where you can feel OK striking up conversations with people. Good luck. You are your own luck. Make your own luck.

The famous existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once said "Man is the future of man." Be the change you need to see.

This isn't exactly what you asked for but it's relevant

I recommend the book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone

The book teaches you how to successfully have hard conversations, which are of course usually wrapped up in emotions. But beyond that, the book teaches you to deal with personal identity insecurities and helps you understand your own emotions as well as others'. The book was required reading in a communications class I took, and I find it really useful.

I also like the book Conversationally Speaking:Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness by Alan Garner. I don't consider myself bad at conversation but sometimes awkward, and this book helped me polish social skills.

if you're open to it, meditation is a useful tool for understanding emotions. Here's a useful link to a book on the subject published online Mindfulness in Plain English

This is a huge topic that can't really be addressed well in this context. There is just too much involved and no one piece of advice that will help. Improvement in how you communicate requires a long term commitment to learning the science of communication.

What I recommend that you do is to try and study the topic academically. There are quite a number of books on the subject, just to get you started here's a link to one book I found that may help.

Also, it would be a good idea to make a study of body language. When talking with someone it's important to understand what they're telling you with their bodies. Otherwise, how can you tell if the conversation is going well?

I started studying the science behind body language not too long ago and discovered that there is actual universal logic behind it. In fact, if you study and practice it's possible to become more aware of body language than many NT's. It's kind of like learning sign language.
Here's a book that can get you started.

Furthermore, if you want to get a better idea of how to read facial expressions I would recommend that you look into the work of Dr. Paul Eckman and Dr. David Matsumoto. These men pioneered research into facial expressions and offer training programs that can teach you to recognize emotion from a person's face.

It's a long hard road, trust me I know, but if you're patient and work hard it's possible to make significant improvements.

By the way, I found this book. It might be of interest to you, it was recommended to me as a look into improving conversations and putting your opinions over without starting fights.

i'm not terrible at it, but i long ago realized that the better talkers got the better funding, so i read this, and i think it helped a little. people usually tell me that i'm easy to speak to for an engineer.

http://www.amazon.com/PeopleSmart-Developing-Your-Interpersonal-Intelligence/dp/1576750914/ref=sr_1_13?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345627931&sr=1-13&keywords=Small+Talk

http://www.amazon.com/Small-Talk-Socialising-Kathy-Schmidt/dp/1741106192/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345627931&sr=1-16&keywords=Small+Talk

http://www.amazon.com/Conversationally-Speaking-Increase-Personal-Effectiveness/dp/1565656296/ref=pd_cp_b_0

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Way-You-Say-Well-spoken/dp/1450215165/ref=pd_cp_b_2

I've read all of these books, and they really helped me with my communication skills.

All of these remarks are excellent ideas. I also have had difficulty with conversations. They have books on it. I bought one called Conversationally Speaking to help me. The information in it is basically the same as what's been said here. After reading it, practice by striking up conversations with people in the elevator, or line at the cafeteria.

Redditor for eight years...

NonSarcasticRaccoon wrote:

(IMO)

Effective communication, and proper communication technique. The first part is a "no duh" but the second part I think a lot of people could learn.

Here's what I mean. You want to use "I feel" language.

Bad: "You don't care about me" or "You ignore me all the time"

Good: "When you come home and don't say hi, I feel ignored". Gotta have an action, then how that action makes you feel. It's not accusatory and it gives the other person the ability to aknowlege your feelings. And you do it without being hyperbolic (aka "you never..."/"you always..." which is not constructive language). I got these from my awesome boyfreiend and also in the book Conversationally Speaking which is good for pretty much all social interactions, and also how to deal with problem people (like passive-agressiveness, and self-demeaning people (like "I suck and no one likes me") I forget the term)

I guess maybe an even power balance?

Also being quick to apologize, not holding grudges, being open minded, taking part (at least giving an effort) in hobbies your SO likes even if you might not. and naturally not being emotionally or physically abusive.

http://www.amazon.com/Conversationally-Speaking-Increase-Personal-Effectiveness/dp/1565656296/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207199970&sr=8-1