Reddit reviews Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

Highly recommended book:

Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It by Leslie Becker-Phelps

https://www.amazon.com/Insecure-Love-Anxious-Attachment-Jealous/dp/1608828158

This might be a useful book for you to read:

https://www.amazon.com/Insecure-Love-Anxious-Attachment-Jealous/dp/1608828158/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=JSVJEKZ70Q4BRHY3KS6N

If you struggle greatly with break ups there's a pretty high chance you have an insecure attachment style, and it sounds like you may be somewhat Anxious-Preoccupied. I'd recommend the book "Insecure in Love" by Leslie Becker-Phelps. Seeing a really good therapist who specialises in attachment style can also help greatly.

Also you might have more luck searching for platonic cuddle buddies, so you could check out r/cuddlebuddies or CuddleComfort.com. Another option is looking for local cuddle parties or starting your own local Facebook group.

Yes, this happens to me too. Im very confident in all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to relationships I can be a mess. Come to find out, this also happens to about 20 percent of people. The best thing I have done is recognize that this is a problem and a fear of abandonment... and reading about it for self improvement. Here's one Im reading now insecure in love

It sounds like you have an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style. Don't blame yourself for being "selfish" just because you feel jealousy and anxiety - self-blame doesn't help things. You need to have self-compassion to heal and work through this. Remember, you didn't choose your attachment style. It's something that's hardwired into our brains in the first two years of life.

I'd recommend checking out "Insecure in Love" by Leslie Becker-Phelps for more help: https://www.amazon.com/Insecure-Love-Anxious-Attachment-Jealous/dp/1608828158

Honey, we've all been there and done that and it has hurt for each and every one of us. :( If it helps at all, a lot of the pain is coming from your brain protesting your loss of a loved one, and making you feel miserable so you'll do anything to get him back.

It's not just you -- it's biology conspiring against you!

A good book on this subject that can help you learn more and learn how to control your feelings is "Insecure in Love." Learn how your brain works and get empowered by it!

http://www.amazon.com/Insecure-Love-Anxious-Attachment-Jealous/dp/1608828158

This sounds kind of like 'anxious attachement'. You could do worse than reading a book about it or giving that term a thorough googling.

I actually had really similar issues to what you're describing and this book has been helping me tremendously. Sadly for me it is probably too late to make a difference in my relationship and it is probably over, but It sounds like it's not too late for you! :)

Thanks, yes, I'm very familiar with the attachment stuff. I have read that book! There's also this: http://www.amazon.com/Insecure-Love-Anxious-Attachment-Jealous/dp/1608828158/

There are definitely two different things happening: I have emotional problems that have followed me across all relationships, so that is stuff I want to work on regardless of this or any relationship.

And then there is the issue of him sharing the work of getting along better. I think it's common for men to look at emotional women as "the problem" and to pawn off responsibility for any conflicts on that.

I have asked him to see my therapist with me at some point, and part of what I will be bringing up is how to work on shared responsibility-taking in the relationship.

No problem! You deserve the love you want. I would suggest the book Insecure in Love. It really helped me understand where those feelings were coming from. Also be sure and spend some time telling yourself that you're worthy and write down all the reasons why :)