Reddit reviews The Depression Book: Depression as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth

Hey, can I offer something? It's call "The Depression Book" by Cheri Huber. In the book, there is a chapter about how when we are down on ourselves we beat up on ourselves. It points out that the timing of that makes it a cycle. It's an amazing book that really bettered my life and gave me a healthy loving relationship with myself. If your local library doesn't have one, feel free to PM me and I'll send you a copy.

Edit: couple of PMs, here's the link. I'm going to loan out both of my copies, if I get them back, I don't mind forwarding them on. I preach the value of this book because I believe in it. I've bought and handed out a dozen over the years.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/ol/096362556X/ref=mw_dp_olp?ie=UTF8&condition=all

> kinda concerned at the relationship

I was assuming OP was referring to a BDSM/kink type of relationship which can be perfectly happy and healthy if that's the kind of thing that floats your boat. Although I did wonder for a sec if boyfriend AND Master referred to two different people but, hey, there's plenty of room for our poly friends inside the big ol'QUILTBAG (or whatever we're calling it this week), so who am I to judge? ;-)

But to get to the point: as w_g hinted, you may want to address the self doubt and social anxiety separately from, but in concert with, the trans stuff. I found after going full time a lot of my depression and insecurity was lifted as I rapidly became more outgoing and self-confident. But now that comes and goes: depression still hits me like a grand piano stuffed with bricks from time to time and I've started to try and address the separate issues that are distinct from, but interconnected with, my gender stuff.

I think it's pretty normal to experience self-doubt as you go through transition; I'd be more worried about someone who didn't question themselves at every stage. I've heard enough stories about people who have rushed through even jumping into SRS, blagging their way past psychiatrists without ever expressing any doubts, then ending up (rarely) regretting the whole transition or (more often) being even more miserable than before because they expected it to solve all of their problems.

There are many different approaches you can take to tackling depression: exercise, losing yourself in work/family/friends, engaging your mind with interesting hobbies which connect you with likeminded people, charity and volunteer work, drugs (both prescribed and illegal), religion and spirituality. I've used all of these at different times, and I'm still a big fan of therapists and counsellors too, even after seeing some really shitty ones in the past. It's not necessarily about getting diagnosed with something; more like an opportunity to examine your own thinking patterns, identify bad habits and learn to work around them.

If you just want to read a couple of books about it, I can really recommend these two that have helped me:

The Depression Book - Cheri Huber

When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough - Harold Kushner

Your aim can be simply to become your own friend again. It may take time. You will have to correct your view. You'll have to be very kind and compassionate with yourself. You'll have to celebrate the smallest victories and forgive anxious mistakes. Sometimes you'll need to sit quietly with yourself and notice how you're feeling. If you're sick, you may need to give yourself the right kind of medicine or change some habits. You can feed yourself healthy food made with love, you can clean the house like you would for any other friend. You can make sure you drink enough water, get enough sleep, and a little exercise. You can give yourself plenty of time to get places. You can be honest with yourself about what's happening inside you and in the world you see around you. If you can see why an idea was impossible, you can let yourself off the hook for things which aren't your responsibility. You can let memories arise and pass away without leaving the safety of your own care in the present moment. You can shelter yourself from the harshness of how the world appears in your own mind. You can do the laundry and the dishes with cheer, not fear. Your idea of yourself can get in the way. Think of yourself on occasion as someone else. Don't leave yourself alone. Don't ignore yourself. Don't take yourself for anything other than this caring.

Sit with a sangha. Try group therapy. Read this book. Remember the Buddha's words: "Be an island unto yourself, and your own refuge," and "Good friends are the whole of the holy life."

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Note: These are advices for someone suffering with mild to moderate depression. If you are behaving and perceiving in a severely depressed way you should contact a person you trust immediately to let them know and help you seek medical attention.

yeah, i think if she doesn't want to front it's totally good to respect that, i just wasn't sure where you were coming from. that said, i will point out that things like suicidal thoughts and extreme depression don't generally just disappear, and so Y will need to deal with them eventually (and that kind of internal emotional work almost always has to be done while fronting in my experience) but that's something that should come on her schedule.

in terms of the taking responsibility thing, i feel that; there was a time when we had a similar dynamic. personally i've found the best thing to be encouraging/helping people to work on being more comfortable fronting during stressful situations (ie more people started fronting during studying, then working, etc) which both lightens the stress-load on you and makes it so that more people get more opportunity to front. i do personally feel like in the long term it's never good to just have one person controlling, but it is so related to personal system dynamics i don't wanna tell you what to do or anything because it might work for you. i'm glad you're thinking about it though and i think maybe just spending more time processing--take a few hours a week at least to check in with everybody in the system, see how they're feeling about how things are going, what changes they might wanna make in terms of system dynamics or life course. (weed and other drugs like dxm can be really helpful for this sometimes but ymmv)

in terms of healing--really, it's a long and arduous process, i think it's one that's also totally necessary. there's a lot of good self-help resources out there; for starters i'd recommend something like The Depression Book. therapy can help, so can talking with supportive people. communication is very helpful, so if you can find people you can comfortably communicate with about your trauma that's good. communicating amongst system members and writing things down in journals is always helpful too but it sounds like you're already doing that.

good luck ~

the depression book by cheri huber

The only book that gave me practical skills for dealing with depression (and not the usual crap like...exercise for 30 minutes everyday...because when your depressed putting on a pair of clean underwear is a triumph...forget about 30minutes of exercise!) Hope its helpful

Very helpful:

"The Depression Book: Depression as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth" by Cheri Huber

An odd name. I wasn't really sure what to make of this book at first. It's handwritten and looks like the author's journal.

It uses zen ideas to frame depression and explain how we experience it. The take away is that it shows how it's ok to feel down. Rather than fighting and pushing against the pain, we can accept it and pay it little attention. Over time, depression passes naturally (like any other mood). It's just a state of being that means as much as we make it mean. It's a counterintuitive idea that's pragmatic.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/096362556X/ref=pd_sim_books_5/104-8516294-4089566?v=glance&s=books

This book helped me understand depression.

It frames depression as weather. A force that comes and goes and something we can let pass.

It's not an intuitive way of approaching depression. However, it really helped me manage it. I stopped fighting against it and started seeing it as something that I could wait out.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Depression-Book-Opportunity-Spiritual/dp/096362556X