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Got it from Caroline Myss and her concept was in the A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps. I'ma dude, but it's still a great book.

Probably a bit more 11th step which I am not on. There's certain types of meditation where you only listen to your thoughts and non-judgmentally let them go as they arise (which reminds me, I haven't meditated today)...

But the idea is, IF every thought is a prayer, then self-actualization is more pronounced because every thought is focused and comes from that "spiritual" center. (Whatever spirituality looks like to you.) The power of intention or law of attraction...

For me, it's a set of ideals. Peace, love, pardon, faith, hope, joy, consolation, understanding, and giving. Gratitude.

I'm an atheist too, but of all the practices I have it's one of my favs.

Maybe you could do hot yoga?

I never really found anything that could truly get rid of the chills. I remember wearing 2 pairs of long johns, 2 sweaters, under all the blankets I owned, shivering on my couch while my mom did my dishes after I bailed out of detox. That was many years ago, but even now that I'm clean I still find myself getting chilly all the time. My new best friend is an electric heating pad. It is so, so nice to curl up with at night.

You might like this book. It touches briefly on some aspects of different spiritualities, but also combines personal life experiences and a bit of neuroscience, too.

I've been teaching myself how to read tarot cards lately. It's really interesting and accessible, and can provide you great cues to gain some further insight into your inner workings.

Oh yeah, if you want something warm to drink that might help take the edge off a bit, you can try valerian tea, or a tea blended with valerian in it. Be warned, though. If you get valerian on its own, it seriously smells like super pungent stinky feet. It doesn't taste like that, tho. Tastes kinda like catnip or spearmint. If you can handle the stinky foot smell, it does good stuff for agitation.

Right, I don't do the whole nomenclature thing, but labels are sometimes useful for describing exactly what "system" someone is using. Living in the now, so to speak, and not identifying with the mind are definitely great skills to cultivate. If you don't already utilize some form of cognitive behavioral therapy, like REBT, you should look into that because the two complement each other very well.

I'm waiting on:

Mindfulness in Plain English

Focused and Fearless: A Meditator's Guide to States of Deep Joy, Calm, and Clarity

Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond: A Meditator's Handbook

They were from the /r/meditation book recommendation thread, and I've been trying to develop mindfulness skills more.

I stand by what i said its a christian based program.


We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

You are not powerless.

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Statement referring to God

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

God

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

God

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

God

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Him = God

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Quit living in the fucking past and move the fuck on

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

see above

Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

God

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

God

Dont forget reciting the Lords prayer and serenity prayer.

I have done my research and thats why I am clean now. If you want to say its a disease that the treatment should be treated as such and not have an addict shuffled off to have the idea you are powerless shoved down your throat and the only hope is a belief in GOD. Here is a good read that shows AA has no benefit

If you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself and your not at fault keep attending 12 steps, I personally think that once you wake up and realize you aren't powerless get motivated to make some changes you will clean up.

Keep trudging that road to happiness, its a long walk the AA way.

edit: if you want to throw books to read try reading Lance and Zachary Dodes’ The Sober Truth: Debunking the Bad Science Behind 12-Step Programs and the Rehab Industry

Whatever you do, don't start again. For your own good hear me out.

I started off with painkillers and got up to using about 1 gram of heroin per day. In other words, I was very addicted, it felt like drugs took my soul and I was never going to get it back.

I've been clean for ~4 years now, life isn't roses, but guess what, it never will be. I can promise you one thing though, life is at least 900 times better without drugs. Slavery or freedom, it's an easy choice. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me shudder (figuratively).

Never give opiates another THOUGHT, those thoughts are not that of your own. I was taught to think of them more like a transmission from your enemy, and that did the trick. Quickly enough life moved on, and the worst experience of my life thus far became merely a chapter in my past to learn from.

P.S. (OPINION): NA is useless, it is as much a disease as the drugs themselves. It is cult like, and not mentally healthy behavior. If you learn some things about psychology, you'll quickly learn the mindset that NA provides is not that of a healthy successful individual. You can do it on your own, the mind is all you need.

Reading can be more powerful than anything else if you allow it. Reading one method from one book was what changed the course of my life. That is to identify addictive thoughts as not your own, but rather a transmission from the enemy, you must identify that transmission and it's sender (your enemy) and block it out/demand that it stop. I tried to find the book for you and I couldn't, unfortunately. Point is, knowledge and effort alone are enough. For now though, do whatever works.

EDIT: I remember the book.

Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671528580/

This book taught me things that were a huge help in getting clean for good.

The video here is just a segment of an actual hour long DVD created by Dr. Kevin McCauley. I am posting the segment that I believe covers the science behind cravings as it relates to the role of dopamine reward in our brain. I am on mobile so I hooe this comes through:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kVoYpiiy7jg

Also, this video is amazingly educational although it can feel a bit cheesy at times. The whole video can be found at Amazon and I highly recommend any person struggling with addiction watch it and just learn what Dr. McCauley is teaching us about what he discovered.

There is also another video he makes called "Pleasure Unwoven" where he goes deeper into addiction and also how the United States Navy Pilots treat it and how addicts can use that model to help themselves stop from relapsing. Really powerful.

https://www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Unwoven-Explanation-Disease-Addiction/dp/B003AC98V2

I understand what you are saying. It is frustrating, feeling like you are constantly fighting an internal war against yourself. I second DF. Seek outside help and support. The only reason not to tell your parents is you're worried about facing the consequences of your actions, not because you're worried about them. You're doing the thing they were / are worried about, you're just not being honest about it. Especially if you are still living with them or otherwise receiving their support, you owe them the truth. "The truth shall set you free." It will be a relief to stop living a lie. If your parents are anything like mine they love you very much and just want you to get better. The reason it is important to get help is because, to oversimplify it, your brain is compromised from within. You cannot rely on it alone to get you out of addiction.

I'd honestly suggest picking up a few books on addiction. They really helped me understand what was going on inside my brain and clear up a lot of the frustrating mysteries, not to mention reading helped pass the time during detox. Check out In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts

I wish I had the chart to show you, but there are different types of PAW depending on the person. stable, intermittent, regenerative, and degenerative. Heres a website plagiarizing the source: http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part2.htm

But if you want more information, and are having problems with relapse prevention, heres the source: http://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Relapse-Prevention--Treatment/dp/083090459X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421337911&sr=1-1&keywords=gorski+staying+sober

Its great. Its too early to say if you will have PAWs but 5 months of oxy I wouldnt really be worried tbh.

It's mentioned on the sub fairly frequently, honestly it's the best book on addiction I've ever read. Made sooo much sense, explained so much. Can't recommend it enough if that stuff interests you.

https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X

I wasn't suggesting total abstinence but I don't think it's possible to use a substance such as heroin responsibly after being addicted the first time.

How does the acid help you? I want to try one of those ayahuasca rituals without having to travel to deepest Peru. Joe Rogan did a nice podcast on this subject that got me intrigued. Shroom also covered some interesting ground in this area.

Doing well today. Got group tomorrow. We use MRT and for step 6 we have to do like community service, so I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for that. Otherwise, we just watched a very insightful movie last week that, although cheesy at some points, really sheds a lot of light through science on the disease that is addiction. I haven't been able to find a place to watch for free online, but here is a link to the amazon page : http://www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Unwoven-Explanation-Disease-Addiction/dp/B003AC98V2

You are not doing anything wrong. I am about a year into recovery and went through many different avenues. I tried AA, Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery and an outpatient program with my health insurance. So, I have gotten a taste of most of them.

Just like in all walks of life, there will be some people that try to bring you down. This is no different at the meetings you will go to. Some people will belittle you for whatever reason. There is 100% nothing wrong with being new. Try to ignore the odd lingo that some of people use, such as, "rehab virgin, normies, etc."

I suggest you also broaden your search and see if you can find any of these resources in your area:

• Smart Recovery
  
• LifeRing
  
• Refuge Recovery
  
• Out patient program with you health insurance
  
  I found more success moving between all these resources based on what I was struggling with at the time. I also suggest you pick up a couple books. I found a lot of solace looking towards philosophy. Some books that helped me were:
  
  
• Beyond Addiction
  
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
  
• Refuge Recovery
  
  With recovery, just stay away from any of the social drama. Listen to the knowledgable people. And, always remember that we are all in a vulnerable place.
  
  Hope this helps!

> Any pointers on this?

My two humble recommendations;

1. https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155
   
2. Make a promise to someone that you simply cannot let down. (I promised my son 7-years ago that I would stop smoking and I did).

Alot of the ideas come from the large amount of research in the past decade in mindfulness (i.e. the secular, westernized, science oriented practice of buddhist-derived meditation), particular the benefits of mindfulness practice on addiction recovery. You can get a decent overview on the topics specific applications to addiction treatment in the psychologist couple Thomas and Beverly Bien's book "Mindful Recovery".

The stuff about the early humans I picked up from a lecture course put out by the Teaching Company called The Science of Mindfulness: A Research-Based Path to Well-Being by Harvard University pschology professor Ronald Siegel.

Flavored Hemp Oil - 1000 Mg -... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JYTDVCS?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

buy this

​

https://www.amazon.com/Narcotics-World-Service-Office/dp/1557767351

Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari and In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate are my suggestions.

Put a bunch of these in the room:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0912075023

Family bought me the book "In The Realm of Hungry Ghost" to read in rehab. Half the book is about the Dr Gabor Mate's opinion of why we get addicted to drugs (very progressive) and the other half is encounters with patients he has worked with in Canada in that area that was declared a "drug using zone". The whole book is really amazing. Best seller in Canada

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/155643880X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523529568&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=in+realm+of+hungry+ghosts&dpPl=1&dpID=51D6lUfiR8L&ref=plSrch


One of the top reviews on Amazon of the book:

Doctor Gabor Maté left a thriving private practice to counsel addicts in one of North America’s most brutal neighborhoods, Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. He has immersed himself in addict subculture, the battles won and the tears shed, and has come to recognize his own addictions, though not to substances. He’s made one important discovery: it’s hard to hate people you know. So he introduces readers to his hard-bitten, suffering clientele.

This book, a thick tome that rewards careful perusal, starts as a form of group autobiography. Not that he claims his patients’ stories as his own. Having worked among Vancouver’s poorest, most despised citizens for a decade, he remains an outsider, returning to his suburban home nightly. Yet he knows these survivors’ stories well enough to write of them: "The misery is extraordinary in the drug gulag, but so is the humanity."

The gulag metaphor isn’t incidental. Not only have Maté’s clients disproportionately suffered incarceration (some, he says, have spent more than half their adult lives in jail), but many face extended imprisonment within their own minds. Most come from backgrounds of abuse and neglect. Many of Maté’s First Nations patients have generational trauma and Reservation Sickness back to the first white encroachments. Drugs cannot explain their behaviors.

Where these people come from, what tragedies and Sisyphean challenges formed their outlooks, proves inextricable from their addictions. Nearly all were broken before they touched drugs: "''I'm not afraid of dying,' a client told me. 'Sometimes I'm more afraid of living.'" This gives Maté his direct line into science. Transitioning from storytelling, Maté becomes an incisive researcher, distilling massively complex science into plain English without losing power.

At some pivotal moment in childhood development, Maté writes, addicts lack the unconditional love children require. It’s actually more difficult than that, but stripped to its rudiments, all people suffering long-term intractable addiction didn’t have loving guidance, as children, to control their emotions. Children, by definition, cannot handle stress independently. Our developing brains outsource self-control to responsible adults; if such adults aren’t around, our brains adapt accordingly.

Not for nothing, Maté observes, to many addicts compare the heroin rush to receiving a warm, lingering hug. The un-nurtured infant brain never develops the ability to guide itself through stress; fundamentally, that squalling child survives, desperate and scared, within every addict’s brain. The deprived infant becomes the terrified adult. "The dominant emotions suffusing all addictive behavior,” Maté writes, “are fear and resentment—an inseparable vaudeville team of unhappiness."

Don’t start feeling self-righteous, though, because you don’t wolf narcotics. Maté describes equitable structures in behavioral addictions, like abusive overeating, philandering, and thrill-seeking. Some of Maté’s most engaging chapters describe his own struggles with workaholism and binge-buying music CDs. "What seems non-adaptive and self-harming in the present was, at some point in our lives, an adaptation to help us endure what we had to go through then."

It’s difficult to read certain chapters without powerful twinges. Many women addicts he counsels, Maté writes, obsessively collect teddy bears among their drug-fueled squalor. Others have lost their children, but cannot bear to be parted from their small furry animals. Remember, he’s describing the poorest, most despised people in Canada, and all they want, amid the burglaries and self-mutilation and prostitution that subsidizes their drug dependency, is something to love.

This makes current approaches to drug prohibition doubly costly. We pay social costs to capture, prosecute, and imprison junkies, yes, and civil libertarians have long protested this lopsidedness. But the trauma of imprisonment compounds the conditions that created addicts’ problems to begin with. Nobody taught these people how to endure being alone with themselves, so what, let’s throw them in solitary? Who does that help?

As Maté describes it, criminal justice approaches become just plain mean. But more: we deny addicts social services, meaningful jobs, and basic medical care. This makes no sense, as Maté writes: "If our guiding principle is that a person who makes his own bed ought to lie in it, we should immediately dismantle much of our health care system." Yet somehow, we accept that further dehumanizing people already stripped of common humanity will help.

Addiction isn’t a story of “those people.” It’s the story of how we construct ourselves, and help construct other people, every day. Maté essentially paraphrases Thomas Aquinas when he writes: "In the final analysis, it's not the activity or object itself that defines an addiction but our relationship to whatever is the external focus of our attention or behavior." This means us.