Reddit reviews The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages

I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.

First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.

Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.

Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death

The Fall of Freddie The Leaf

Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.

As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).

I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

My son was stillborn, so it's not the same I know, but I remember the beginning, it felt like I was drowning in cold black water. I wanted to let go, go under, and let the deep take me. Not suicide, just give into the hopelessness and despair.

I did give in, sometimes. You have to. My husband tried to be strong 100% of the time, support me, but we both found that we both absolutely had to breakdown sometimes, or we would have just cracked under the pressure.

The son I lost was my only son (at the time), so this I don't know from personal experience, only from my time as a therapist. Let you wife and children see you cry. Fathers often try to soldier through (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word), thinking that it is best for their wife and surviving children if they never see them cry. On the surface, this makes sense, but it turns out not to be true. Your family needs to see you cry, especially your sons. They are still learning to process emotional situations, so unconsciously they will mimic those around them, especially their father. Expressing grief not only helps you, it helps them see that it is okay for them to cry, and that their brother meant as much to you as he did to them. In this situation, as in many, bottling up how you feel isn't good for you either, particularly in the long term. You want to process this grief as it is welling up inside you to keep from getting trapped in it, and you need to experience it to do this. I learned that the hard way. Nine months after I lost my son, I had a late term double miscarriage, I lost 2 of a set of triplets. I shut down, thinking I should focus on my surviving baby. What I should have done is gotten some grief counseling like I had 9 months before. I didn't do that, and the unprocessed grief eventually caught up with me.

Grief counseling. You, your wife, and your sons. All of you should get some. This loss is tragic, sudden, unexpected, and will be a part of you for the rest of your lives. You want, you need the skills to manage this loss, because it won't ever go away.

It never goes away. Over the years I have had many parents, many families ask me "Will it ever go away, will it ever get better." If I could sum up what I have told many hundred parents and kids and families in the 10 years since I became a social worker and the nearly 6 years since the death of my son, it never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my little boy and those short few months I was blessed to be his mother. Most days it is without pain, without sorrow. I look at my living son (born 15 months later) and know that my first son's memory is carried into this world with him. I do have tough days. Yesterday I had an 'it's not fair day'. Some days I have short periods of sorrow, randomly breaking through on an ordinary day. The days before his birthday are lousy. But mostly my few memories of him give me comfort. You have many more memories of you son than I have of mine, and in the beginning, that's going to make your grief so much worse. But with time, those memories will keep you company and give you peace. I know that you can't see that now, no one can see much of anything in the beginning. But you'll get there. You will feel your sons absence keenly, but its own way he will still be a part of your family. My son loves his older brother. He's 4 now, and he likes to hear stories about him, even though it's the same few stories over and over again. Once he drew me a picture of him. And he will use him to get out of trouble or get something he wants, saying "David did it!" or "David thinks I should be allowed to have soda." Your youngest baby, for whom I'm praying, will have a relationship with your son in this way, should you and your wife want that. I read my son a book called Someone Came Before You to help him understand his brother's story and the unique place he holds in our family. Your older sons will need help understanding too. The book I have most often recommended to families who have lost young children (although it is a good book about loss in general) is Freddie the Leaf. It is a book my mother read to me when I was a child. Loss is hard for even adults to understand, and this book is so good for kids.

Your wife is going to feel guilt. You may too. It's a pretty standard feeling among parents who have lost children. It is our mind's way of reassuring ourselves that this won't happen again. If it was my fault, then I can do something different, and prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again. It is also natural - we are our children's protectors, so if something happens, it must be our fault? It's not. You didn't do this. Your wife didn't do this. And right now, she is going to need to hear that over and over. My husband had to reassure me a lot in the beginning, and sometimes even now.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I had a time machine. All I can do is tell you that you won't always feel like you are drowning, that there are professionals our there that can help you and your family cope, and that you are not alone. The Compassionate Friends is a great resource, and if you ever need to talk one on one, please message me.

Have you heard of the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf?

> This story by Leo Buscaglia is a warm, wonderfully wise and strikingly simple story about a leaf names Freddie. How Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow, is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death.
>
>The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a warm and thought-provoking story and both children and adults will be deeply touched by this inspiring book. This 20th anniversary edition of this beloved classic has helped thousands of people come to grips with life and death.

The book about life and death that I remember from about this age was [The Fall of Freddie the Leaf] (https://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Life/dp/0943432898). Non-religious from what I remember, and it explains life and death as a part of a larger process.

As far as supporting the daycare staff, I'd ask the director if they have sought out any bereavement counseling options for the staff (and possibly for the kids if the teacher does pass).

Sounds like The Story of the Three Trees which is a traditional story, but the picture book I remember from that time was the Hunt/Jonke one.

I don't remember faces on the trees, but it's been a while. I also got confused trying to track this down, mixing up my arboreal death metaphors with The Fall of Freddy the Leaf.

So sorry to hear about your kitten. There are a couple of books that you could probably find at your library that might help to explain it to him and help him deal with the grief:

• When a Pet Dies by Mr. Rogers.
  
• The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia.
  
  The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is also available as a series of youtube videos, the first of which I linked. Hope these help.

I am so sorry that you're having such a painful time all around.

I can't speak for counseling - my family pretty much pretends that options such as that don't exist, that you have to bootstrap your way out of the "dumps" (grrr) - but I can tell you that I had a book when I was a little girl that really helped with talking about and processing death.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf - it takes Freddie from bud all the way to where he turns brown and falls off the tree and then lightly touches on how happy he was that he had gotten a chance to live and how he was part of a bigger cycle.

It's one of the few books I kept from my early childhood for my own kids.

But, if I were in your shoes, I'd keep trying counselors until you find one that's a good fit. hug Good luck.

Great book about the cycle of life and death suitable (not scary) for very young children: http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story/dp/0943432898