Best jokes & riddles books according to redditors
We found 149 Reddit comments discussing the best jokes & riddles books. We ranked the 74 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 149 Reddit comments discussing the best jokes & riddles books. We ranked the 74 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
This term for a gay milkman is also the name of an American fast-food chain.
Man there are like a billion good jokes in here, but for some reason one of my favorites is this one:
Berlin, 1933. Cohen is walking down the street, minding his own business, when a huge black limousine stops next to him. The door opens, and out comes Adolf Hitler with a bodyguard. Hitler grabs the bodyguard's pistol, points it at Cohen, and says, "Worthless Jew! Down on your knees!"
Cohen doesn't have much alternative, so he gets down on his knees. Hitler notices a dog turd on the sidewalk, and he says, "Worthless Jew! Eat up that dog turd!"
Well, the gun's still pointing at him, so what's he going to do? He tries his best to obey.
Hitler thinks this is the funniest thing he's ever seen. He starts laughing uncontrollably, so much so in fact that he drops the gun. Cohen scoops it up.
Now the tables are turned! Cohen tells Hitler and the bodyguard to get down on their knees and finish eating the turd. He backs slowly away, then makes a run for it and manages to get home without further incident.
"How was your day, dear? asks his wife."
"Oh, says Cohen, about the same as usual. But hey. You'll never guess who I had lunch with."
Fun fact, we actually did write all of the jokes.
Both of the books "101 Aggie Jokes" and "606 Aggie Jokes" were published by Gig Em press and illustrated by Bob Taylor.
___
LIKE KNIGHTS OF OLD WE FIGHT TO HOLD THE GLORY OF THE PURPLE GOLD. LET'S CARRY THROUGH, LET'S DIE OR DO, TO WIN THE GAME FOR DEAR OLD LSU!
You should get him something like this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Idiots-Guide-Jokes/dp/1592575382
Theres a national lampoon version of LOTR. It's called "Bored of the Rings". Done in 1969.
Gandalf is always throwing smoke bombs and suddenly the pocket watches are all gone.
The hobbits are all blood thirsty cannibals.
>
It’s up to Boggie Frito Bugger and his band of misfits—including inept wizard Goodgulf Grayteeth, halfwit Spam Gangree, twins Moxie and Pepsi, and Arrowroot of Arrowshirt—to carry the Great Ring to Fordor and cast it into the Zazu Pits.
Can they avoid death by hickey tree and escape the dread ballhog? Can the fellowship overcome the narcs and Nozdruls hounding their every move and save Lower Middle Earth once and for all? Yes, of course—this isn’t Hamlet, you know.
https://www.amazon.ca/Bored-Rings-Parody-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/1451672667
Check out The Portable Curmudgeon for all the cranky quotes you might want.
Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
This might help
I live in LA, the land of "my trust in all others evaporates when I get behind the wheel" - the mentality isn't because you're egotistical about your own driving, but because that's how you fucking stay alive when you do run across that one guy who tries to play "beat the green" on Hollywood and Highland.
Dolphins aren't fish, they're actually a type of tomato.
(source: Great Lies to Tell Small Kids)
And you do know that all of those Aggie jokes were written by, and published, by Aggies?
http://www.amazon.com/101-Aggie-Jokes-Volume-1/dp/B000GUNR7C
http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-606-Aggie-Jokes/dp/0945430000
They were published as books in the 90's:
http://smile.amazon.com/Deep-Thoughts-Jack-Handey/dp/0425133656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462214127&sr=8-1&keywords=jack+handey+deep+thoughts
http://smile.amazon.com/Deepest-Thoughts-Deep-They-Squeak/dp/0786880449/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1462214127&sr=8-2&keywords=jack+handey+deep+thoughts
http://smile.amazon.com/Deeper-Thoughts-All-Jack-Handey/dp/1562828401/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1462214127&sr=8-3&keywords=jack+handey+deep+thoughts
Boggins.
y'know i don't think it's totally vaccuous. i've been reading zizek's treatment of this topic for unrelated reasons (okay to be fair that literally means his joke book...) and i think the commenters here are just unaware of how their jargon is standing in for what could be simpler terms. the point being made isn't particularly heady (i don't -think-, maybe i'm missing something).
just for the folks i see saying it's /meaningless/ as opposed to being needlessly provocative.
I am an Industrial/Manufacturing engineer and I do some PLC coding (G/M code for CNC) and talking about metal machining with people isn't exactly an exciting topic. So I see your pain.
A lot that you say are bad assumptions. 30vanquish is correct when saying:
>That's a bad assumption. Be passionate about the stuff you do because it makes you look certain and confident in your own life
What I have learned is life is about stories. The better/funnier/epic/quirkier your stories are and the more you're developed as a storyteller the more people will be attracted to you. Learn to be value-added to people and social situations. You might be thinking being value added to their life only makes them better. No, make people see that your value addition makes their life great, and that without you in their life, it isn't fun.
When hanging with people, learn the balance of when to speak up and when to not. A lot of times you can be too intelligent for the group, if you find yourself talking about random context or "Did You Know?" shit a lot, quit that out. Because that's a buzz-kill sometimes. Personally, I only bring up topics I truly enjoy if someone leads me to do that. Otherwise, I assume people don't want to hear about simulation, cnc, six-sigma, electrical system and the other.
Also consider how you portray yourself:
stance
walk
build
dress
eye contact
projection/clarity of voice
All of these searches (not specifically these sites) should help significantly. Honestly with that in mind, you may want to start with something like Toastmasters to get you thinking on your feet about topics. This will develop different synapses and will allow for quick-thinking on a social status level.
Possibly, read the the following to develop an understanding of being value added to relationships and quick-witted in conversation:
Insults Every Man Should Know
Jokes Every Man Should Know
The Modern Gentleman
Now, everything in these books aren't written in stone. Don't just go and cut/copy/paste/cite when you go hang out socially. I only provided these titles for you and others to read, so you can develop yourself. Everything is about becoming your own peacock, so you come off (do not appear, because when you appear, then your X-factor is not intrinsically within) smooth, suave and natural.
I would also say to try and pickup an action sport like boxing, kickboxing, etc. Not for the ability to kick anyone and mostly everyone's ass, but so you can get your testosterone flowing/grooving and to become confident in a more socially accepted hobby. It also would help in the fact that if you fake like you hurt yourself, you can casually bring up that you were in a sparring match. This would make guys interested in your skill and girls begin to coddle you for safety (you have just become value-added).
TL;DR: just go to the damn hyperlinks and you'll be able to figure out what i was saying.
I've seen some of these before.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Line-Your-Fourth-Putt/dp/1879676001
https://www.amazon.com/When-Regrip-Your-Ball-Retriever/dp/187967601X
I came across this not long ago. I laughed.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Regrip-Your-Ball-Retriever/dp/187967601X
I think I saw this in The Big Book of Jewish Humor. I'm sure it's told better there, or wherever I saw it:
---
Mendel and Yankel are on their way out of the local preist's office.
"Nu, Mendel, we finally broke down and converted to Christianity. What are we gonna do now?"
Mendel glances at the setting sun. "It's gettling late, Yankel. Maybe we oughta daven Mincha first and discuss this after."
"What are you talking about, 'daven Mincha'? Did you forget that we're Christians now?"
"Oy, my goyishe kop!"
I had some little books of deep,deeper and deepest thoughts growing up. They were great. I'm so glad I can remind people these exist.
Though they're not really full books, the Jack Handey Deep Thoughts series (1, 2, 3) are the funniest things I've ever read in my life. Twenty years later and I still start giggling if I think about them.
I Love Sci-Fi/Fantasy so here is my completely biased list of Orthodox Writers...
Dobrica Ćosić- various Historical Fiction books published, must read for history buffs...
Milovan Glišić- After Ninety Years: The Story of Serbian Vampire Sava Savanovic
Boban Knežević
R. L. Copple
Sue Dent takes a little to load
[Demetrious Glimidakis- The Crimson Knight](https://www.amazon.com/Crimson-Knight-Demetrious-Glimidakis/dp/1617399574?ie=UTF8&qid=1304459201&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1)
[Donna Farley- The Ravens of Farne: A Tale of Saint Cuthbert](https://www.amazon.com/Ravens-Farne-Tale-Saint-Cuthbert/dp/0982277059?ie=UTF8&qid=1466021370&ref_=la_B001K80TNY_1_3&s=books&sr=1-3)
[Nick Mamatas- Insults Every Man Should Know](https://www.amazon.com/Insults-Every-Should-Pocket-Companions/dp/1594745242?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc) tons of books published...
and how could forget... our favourite [Yevgeny Zamyatin- WE](https://www.amazon.com/We-Yevgeny-Zamyatin-ebook/dp/B00KR3HV3O?ie=UTF8&qid=1466021671&ref_=la_B000AQ1TZY_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1) -seriously... ★★★★★ prefigured Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, and inspired George Orwell's 1984*
They used Dildo Bugger in this one, lol.
https://www.amazon.ca/Bored-Rings-Parody-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/1451672667
You may wish to invest in this... strictly for entertainment purposes, obviously.
hear this will help you get better at insulting people https://www.amazon.com/Giant-Book-Insults-Incorporating-Occasions/dp/0806508817
It's like the "catch a Ditto" quest. If you have one, no Dittos spawn. If you delete it, it is guaranteed to spawn up to 3 Ditto in your immediate vicinity in the next 4 hour period.
There's a scientific reason for this, it's written somewhere in this book.
When I was a kid, there was this book called "Truly Tasteless Jokes" It is exactly what it sounds like. When I was a kid my favourite section was the Helen Keller section. I am sure it is even worse than I remember but it was a big hit when I was a kid.
You might want to give this a read.
Favorite stand alone: "The Man Who Folded himself" (Because it's damned good sci fi, (time travel), he does many things I would, and the masturbation orgies are hot)
Favorite Series: Ethshar (Damned good fiction, each book can work as a stand alone more or less, I first read "The Blood of A Dragon", didn't even know it was part of a series until years later. Such a good book I bought them all, turned out to be one of the worst in the series comparatively. He writes simply but well, the stories are pretty unique, the many types of magic interesting. )
Non Fiction: "The Mammoth Book of Dirty Jokes". (It's simply the biggest and best joke book I've ever read, still haven't finished, I read a few pages whenever really bored and while in between fiction books/series)
****
Also see this amazing post: Reddit's Favorite books
EDIT: Accidentally put the link to "The Mammoth book of jokes" instead of dirty jokes, corrected it.
I keep a copy of Great Lies to Tell Small Kids on my bookshelf when I need inspiration.
Sigh...if you weren't so predictable this would be a lot more entertaining. Can't you change up your routine man? Not only is it asinine dribble, but it's tired.
>That'd be pretty weird, considering I'm bi (and fine with it) and was named after a gay uncle.
I mean, as far as I know you're just making this up in order to give yourself more credibility, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, as I'm sure you'd agree with me that white people can be racist against white people, bisexuals can be homophobic towards homosexuals.
>Nope. I actually grew up with Jewish people
And there it is right on cue lol.
>You can go through that thread and see how I keep asking people to explain how the anti-Russian narrative is any different from so-called "Nazi" hate speech against the Jews, because from my perspective I see them as essentially 1:1
Not only is that not evidence of you not being antisemitic, but it's a false equivalence lol. You acknowledging Nazi hate speech against Jews doesn't mean you don't dislike Jews. Many Nazis do acknowledge it. As for your false equivalence, liberals don't hate the Russian people, just their government. Surely you who so vehemently despises Israel's government but is supposedly not antisemitic would agree that hating a government is not the same as hating its people, correct?
>http://i.4pcdn.org/pol/1531847987888.jpg
Aww that's cute, you replaced the word Israeli with Russian. Unfortunately, half of that is propagandist dribble with a clearly biased agenda, and the other half isn't even relevant. Who gives a shit if 13 senators have dual Israeli citizenship? And no, American soldiers have not been dying for Israel since 1970, or any year prior.
>You can't explain why me calling people like this or this anti-white is any more "paranoid" than you or /u/VerySecretCactus calling /u/ultimaregem a "nazi".
Rofl. I thought we were talking about the people investigating Trump, not some NYT reporter. Since when does Sarah Jeong reflect the attitudes of Mueller?
Btw, you're very mistaken if you think I don't despise the clear and racist attitude of Sarah Jeong. In one of the threads on this sub, I lambasted the NYT for its clear double standards in not firing that racist piece of shit. She's anti-white, and ultimaregem is a Nazi. It's that simple.
>You don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to say that talking about white gentiles in a certain way is okay, but talking about other nationalities or ethnic groups in the same exact way, that's unacceptable because "fuck you, you were born wrong". Guess what that is? A double standard. And it's a double standard that is anti-white.
...Good thing I never said that then? Nor do I want it both ways? Racism against white gentiles is just as bad as racism against Jews, Blacks, Muslims, and so forth. I'm not like those progressive shit stains, my morals are quite consistent. Regardless, progressive double standards is not evidence that the Russia investigation is anti-white. Mueller is not anti-white, and I've seen no evidence that his team is.
>I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about right now.
You know exactly what I'm talking about. You argue that companies like Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter banning someone like Alex Jones is censorship and authoritarian. It is neither. Those companies are exercising their right to freedom of association. If they don't want to associate themselves with shit stains like Alex Jones, they are under no obligation to do so.
>Fuck you, you fucking racist piece of shit.
Once again, right on cue. Please, read this. Get some new material, and come back when you're not robotically spouting the same old lines.
>As far as I'm concerned, you basically just called me a Kike or Nigger.
Actually, I basically just called you a homophobe, antisemite, and a Nazi. Try to keep up will you.
Get this book
you are an awful comedian then. Maybe you should read a book about joke construction and delivery.
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Jokes/dp/1592575382#customerReviews
Reminds me of "Born on a Rotten Day" by Hazel Dixon-Cooper: https://www.amazon.com/Born-Rotten-Day-Hazel-Dixon-Cooper/dp/0743225627
The Portable Curmudgeon??? I need a copy of that!
Great lies to tell small kids is also fantastic
Nah, that's some 2010s Internet humor. You youngsters don't even know. Back in my day, we had real Polack jokes. Hell, in the 1970s, Polish jokes were so common that the Polish Ministry of Foreign Affairs went to the U.S. State Department to complain. Look at this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Official-Polish-Joke-Book/dp/0523426062
There were hundreds of these. We often mixed them with anti-Italian-American jokes, like, "Did you hear about the Polish godfather? He made an offer he couldn't understand (nyuk nyuk nyuk)"
Disclaimer: In case anyone is offended by my use of the term "polack", I'm actually Italian and Polish, although nobody assumes the Polish part, just the Italian part. So while people sometimes avoid jokes about "wops," "guineas" and "dagos" around me, I've heard my fair share of "polack" jokes.
Most racist:
Q: How are they improving public transportation in Harlem?
A: They're planting the trees closer together.
Most sexually repulsive:
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: When you're fucking a pregnant lady and the fetus gives you head.
Many thanks to the many paperback editions of "Truly Tasteless Jokes" that I had as a teenager. They made me the man I am today! ;-)
http://www.amazon.com/Truly-Tasteless-Jokes-Blanche-Knott/dp/0345329201
http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Idiots-Guide-Jokes/dp/1592575382
That's an actual character in the National Lampoon version of the Lord of the Rings, Bored of the Rings.
Ah, my childhood with Larry Wilde is clearly lost in the mists of time now.
Are you sure it wasn't Dildo Bugger?
As he was named in the Harvard Lampoon's "Bored of the Rings"
A LINK to a preview inside the book.
EDIT: Be prepared for this one, make sure you're sitting down. You may laugh too hard:
Q: What do you call pastors in Germany?
A: German shepherds.
Here is the book it's from, if anyone wants me to take a picture of their birth sign summary let me know and I'll try to accommodate when I can. (Getting my head right to go to a festival this afternoon, so I'm headed out for a few hours shortly. )
Born on a Rotten Day https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743225627/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awd_xs_F41jybBBBQQ02
Also, this is my best friend:
https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html
And for the love of god, do not take benzo's with methadone. My sister just lost her friend from snorting a klonipin while on it.
I suspect this is from the Truly Tasteless Jokes series. They live up to their name!
Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader.
the real gems are the super cool comments from people who bought the book also
So you make a shitty attempt at a joke that's neither witty nor funny - then call us idiots. You're a winner.
Here, maybe this will help you in your future endeavors.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Giant-Book-Insults-Incorporating/dp/0806508817
I found dis 4 u.
Where does an insult like that even come from? Was it something like the Shakespearean Insult Generator perhaps? http://www.amazon.com/Shakespeare-Insult-Generator-Match-Insults/dp/1452127751
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Jokes/dp/1592575382/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=humor+for+dummies&qid=1559332681&s=gateway&sr=8-1-spell
This post is a little longer than the others, but it worked for me.
In middle school, I was tall, fat, weird, read too much, and a pretty big dickhead. Most of this was because I was teased for reading so much, so I lashed out. Fast forward a year, and I'm in freshman year of high school. I spent the first month hanging out with my brother's friends, because our mom told him he had to let me hang out with him. It was bad. I knew I wasn't going to be the best looking guy, or the strongest, or the most charismatic. So I decided that I would try to be funny.
I bought the Adults Only Joke Book and the Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X Rated, and Politically Incorrect Jokes, and read them both cover to cover. I would circle the jokes I laughed at, and then tell them to my brother and parents. After a week of bringing them to school, people started asking me to tell them some of the jokes. I did, and quickly learned why comedians talk about timing so much. Not only that, but I learned what made certain people laugh, and what could get almost anyone to laugh. By doing so, I learned a lot about what makes people laugh in jokes.
The next step was to watch stand up specials. I have a very good memory, so I would spend my weekends watching Comedy Central late night and their Friday Night Standup, and everyone I found funny, I would commit their acts to memory and perform them for people. Ron White, Mitch Hedberg, Chris Rock, and especially Christopher Titus all had their acts committed to my memory. I started performing them at my school, and it taught me even more about how to not only tell a joke, but tell a story too. When to pause, when to enunciate, when to repeat a point for emphasis.
By the end of my freshman year, I had dozens of jokes memorized and had a couple two or three minute canned bits that I could tell fairly well. While I was still too tall, read too much, and weird zs hell, I could make people laugh. And when you can make people laugh, they can overlook a lot of weird stuff. Ended up getting a girlfriend and making a lot of friends. Continued working on jokes and being personable, and now I can be the center of a party by being funny on almost any topic.
Tl;Dr: spent my freshman year learning how to be funny, behooved me greatly in my life since.
It's Mass. There's even a book about it (does any other state/city have a book?).
https://www.amazon.com/Boston-Drivers-Handbook-Streets-Almost/dp/0306813262
My intro to Boston driving was in a buckets rainstorm on Mass Pike - driving cautiously in right lane - and a guy passes me at 70+ MPH on the shoulder (aka "breakdown lane").
Embrace it.
This is from Great Lies to Tell Small Kids.
I have no idea, really. It started when I found this,, except it was only editions two and three in their little trilogy-sleeve-box thing. They didn't have Princess Diana jokes in there, since they were published well before that happened, but that's what got me started in horrible humor.
I'd recommend the Big Book of Jewish Humor. Happy cake day!
Congratulations! I know the joys of being an auntie, it's much better than parenting as you get to give the child back when it gets smelly/cranky. Best things to do:
Aside from that, troll. A small child will happily believe that the majority of things we see in mirrors is controlled by giraffes. Imagine your sister's joy when her son tells her that putting a piece of ham in a DVD player will play a short film about pigs! I can't recommend this book highly enough for this purpose.
https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Curmudgeon-Plume-Jon-Winokur/dp/0452266688
Lol I'm perfectly capable of laughing at myself thank you, but your joke was terrible, almost as bad your attempt at insulting me right now. That post got like 500 downvotes too so clearly nobody else thought it was funny, but I'm a nice guy so I did you a favor and found you a book to help with your problem. Hope you figure your clearly major psychological issues out, or at the very least, get better at insulting people cause you suck pretty bad. Peace.
This is what got me more into dirty jokes. I was like 12 or so when I found it on my mom's bookshelf.
It really depends on the franchise. Some, like Disney, are notorious for going after every infringement however small. Most will allow for fair use.
Woth noting though, that "Bored of the Rings" has already been used. https://www.amazon.com/Bored-Rings-Parody-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/1451672667
You beat me to pointing this out. Though, I was going to use the name Morgoth that was given to him after the fall. Melkor/Morgoth Bauglir is basically the same as the fall of Lucifer/Satan/Beelzebub in the Bible.
If I remember correctly, Sauron was his top recruit, the most powerful one he corrupted, one of the maiar.
BTW, since you've obviously read a lot of Tolkien, have you also read the parody Bored of the Rings by Harvard Lampoon (a.k.a. National Lampoon)? It's quite funny, having been written at the height of the hippie movement. Orcs == Narcs, for example. Frodo and Bilbo Baggins become Frito and Dildo Bugger. You get the idea.
http://www.amazon.com/Bored-Rings-Parody-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/1451672667/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419414392&sr=8-1&keywords=bored+of+the+rings
I've got a copy with this classic cover.
http://www.amazon.com/Bored-Rings-Tolkien-Harvard-Lampoon/dp/B00232CFP6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1419414392&sr=8-2&keywords=bored+of+the+rings
try Zizek jokes: https://www.amazon.com/Zizeks-Jokes-about-Hegel-Negation/dp/0262026716
I have this, and use it all the time:
Shakespear Insult Generator
Heard it!
You mean this one?
http://www.amazon.com/The-Official-Polish-Joke-Book/dp/0523426062
I love the one customer review title says "most things were great, some jokes were tasteless"
Really?
Not a poem but an old joke that was in a book called Truly Tasteless Jokes.
This isn't the original but it's close.
For anyone who is interested Here is the book where I learned all my tasteless jokes from
I think I don't know enough about civil engineering to say, and I'm pretty confident you don't either. If you've got specific evidence of malfeasance or corruption, bring it and I'll probably believe you—it's not like there hasn't been such before—but kneejerk cynicism ain't evidence. This is a totally unprecedented problem, with a vast number of unknowns and shifting conditions as I already pointed out. It seems ludicrous to me to assume with total confidence that you can predict what dollar figure should fix it.
Here. Pick up a copy of this. It's not only a great humor book, it's the best guide I've ever read to why simplistic demands like yours about complex engineering problems like theirs just don't mean jack shit. (Heh. You wouldn't happen to be an executive by any chance? You sure talk like one.)
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Jokes/dp/1592575382