Reddit reviews Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
We found 12 Reddit comments about Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Absolutely. I'd rather gmow then be the guy she 'settled' for. If you're going to make a lifelong commitment and risk everything you've worked for, why be seen in her eyes as only 'Mr. Good Enough'?
Love doesn't mean you never doubt. It means that you team up together to work through those doubts. Are they on your team, and do they have your back on the days when all you want is a nap and vodka shot? Or are they contributing to your stress?
You are going to hear a lot about relationships failing because of the bias in reporting either really good or really bad news. Breathe, and let it go.
This book is a favorite of mine: https://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X. It really walks through these questions in detail. Though written for women, I think it applies to all genders.
http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X
I read this book about a year ago. I'm not posting this as a scare tactic, but it seems the ball is no longer in your court. Here is a first hand account from an older woman, albeit 10-15 years older than you.
There's a difference though. A man can theoretically always improve himself to the point of getting 9's and 10's. It involves improvement to the point where you're rich, famous, high status, etc. Theoretically, there is no limit to how far a man can improve himself short of his own limitations when it comes to attracting women. Yes, we're entering golddigger territory, but that still counts for the sake of this argument.
Women can't theoretically improve themselves without limit. There is a limit to how far they can improve their looks.
One of the things here is that men really don't have as many "dealbreakers" and "must-haves" as women when it comes to picking a long term partner. When we tell women that they have high standards, part of it is that they have too many standards (each one obviously restricts their dating pool), but they also usually have mutually exclusive or incongruent standards that can actually not be attained.
There is an entire book written on this subject called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough".
> Is it the format that allows people to be significantly more picky than they would be in real life?
People really are this picky in real life. Before the rise of free web apps, actual dating services cost hundreds to tens of thousands of dollars per year. Nowadays, you are able to reject people you never would have met before.
Romance novels, porn and the movie industry have instilled pathologically bad expectations in people. An example of a book that describes how bad these expectations are is Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.
> Or is it that all dating is a shit show and online is no better?
There you go. You got it.
You would substitute "Miss Good Enough "
Indeed an interesting article - a feminist starting to have doubts, condescending as they may be. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
For those interested:
Slaughter's original complaint:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/
Gottlieb's Response:
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/06/why-theres-no-such-thing-as-having-it-all-and-there-never-will-be/258928/
Gottlieb's Case for "Settling":
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/306651/
Slaughter's Book:
https://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Business-Women-Work-Family/dp/0812984978
Gottlieb's Book:
https://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X
Your friend reminds me of Lori Gottlieb and her memoiresque book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Terrible title, but in the book she goes through all of the dumb reasons for rejecting perfectly good potential partners and tries to correct her mistakes before it's too late. It's pretty depressing. But really opened my eyes to being open-minded about dating (I read it when I was 26). I have certain dealbreakers, but now I see how silly things like dorky clothing or snoring or doesn't have a dog have NOTHING to do with whether or not someone will make a good life partner. I wish my sister would read the book, she's about to become just like your friend.
I was on your situation, and I am much older, plump, and a late bloomer. I had my first relationship with a friend with whom I had harbored feeling for 3 years. Broke me up 6 months later for another girl and I was crushed. I was 33. I joined OLD 4 years ago, subscribe and paid at most sites but never had a single date. Ended up spending the next 3 years falling with a younger friend who never saw me more than a sister.
I started Tinder half a year ago. Met men who mostly wanted hookups, went to few dates but could not build chemistry. Most of these guys were asking why I stayed single as they saw me attractive, all-smile and have positive attitude. I swiped like an addict and lowered down my filter criteria. I didn't have particular expectation and was willing to explore any possibilities. That's when I matched with a guy and we just instantly matched in most things. The first date went well but I didn't see any red flag either. Struggled whether I should give it a try or drop him. Decided to know about him better, and it was the best decision ever. When all the awkwardness is gone, he emerges as a truly amazing guy who accepts my true self as well. The best guy I could ever wished to be with and I can't be happier.
Girl, I understand OLD can be very frustrating. I can only say don't give up and stay positive. Don't look for Mr Perfect but do Mr Good Enough. I recommend [this book] (https://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X) for an interesting perspective why Mr Good Enough may be the best guy.
Also...
> You're a great girl, anyone would be lucky to have you
Take it positively. You are great in other guys' eyes. You are attractive, it's just there's something just doesn't match. Be open to meet up with various guys, smile and emit that positive energy.
>and I really do my best to be the best date/girlfriend/friend I can be
Don't do your best to be the best date. Be your best self. Show positiveness and confidence, and show it on your profile. Avoid writing an essay. Guys won't read it. Put fun and positiveness within few sentences.
Good luck and wish you all the best :)
OP, I got your potential how to guide right here
Read this http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X
You will find yourself alone and miserable wondering where it all went wrong. Nobody is perfect, relationships are hard work. If you keep on waiting for something better, something better will never come.
The perfect is the enemy of the good.