Top products from r/ExNoContact

We found 30 product mentions on r/ExNoContact. We ranked the 26 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top comments that mention products on r/ExNoContact:

u/Its_A_Frap · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

> So, ghosted pretty much after 4+ years. Emotionally unavailable people do that.

Damn friend, you deserve so much better than that. I know it's so cliche but a good partner wouldn't ghost you over such a small thing, regardless of underlying issues. If you're not familiar with adult attachment styles I'd strongly suggest you look into them, in particular the Avoidant-Dismissive type. It's very eye opening. There's also a book called Attached that helps you choose better partners and improve your self-worth through learning, and it's science backed!

P.S. I'm also at 9 weeks and counting :)

u/uppitywhine · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

> I envy you that you're already in a position to know what to do etc because of your past experience.

I will say with total honesty that I am handling this breakup much better than my last, and that is a direct result of this sub and all of the books I've read. And age. I am 42. While it doesn't get easier with time (in fact, I'd argue that breakups are exponentially more difficult as you age), the way I manage and react to a breakup has gotten easier.

I highly recommend these books IF you are ready to heal and work on yourself. If you're not ready to grieve, heal and work on yourself, these books won't help you at all.

The first one is: Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. This one has been very helpful in sorting out my emotions and explaining why I'm feeling the way I do.

The second one is The No Contact Rule. This book was especially helpful for me the during my previous breakup because it explained WHY a person must absolutely, positively, without question go no contact after a breakup. It was especially true in my case as I was horribly mistreated. I didn't know about no contact last time. I kept contacting him until about six months after the breakup. I began no contact, smiley face calendar and all, the day after I read this book. Cliche as it sounds, it was only when I went no contact that I began to heal and pick up the pieces of my life. I think it was so important for me to see in cold, hard print that I was devaluing, disrespecting and embarrassing myself every time I reached out to someone who didn't want me. After reading the book, I was able to reject the rejecter. This book is an easy read, well worth the $5.

Again, I am not a woman who likes self help books. They typically make me shudder. I really just don't like them for whatever reason. But I have found that books about breakups are tremendously helpful and provide honesty that your friends and family will not provide. Also, therapy. If you can afford therapy, go.

u/ftwk12 · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

Yes, lots. These are the ones that have worked best for me:

  • Distract yourself mentally. Distraction techniques might include: counting backward from 100 by sevens; naming animals that start with the letter A (or similar - think road trip games); reciting a prayer or a poem in your head, etc.

  • Run cold water over your wrists or splash it on your face. This activates your diving reflex, which can help to short-circuit anxiety.

  • Relax your entire body, especially your abdominal muscles.

  • Try breathing exercises.

  • Try practicing mindfulness. The trick is to practice when you aren't in an anxious state of mind, then apply what you have learned when the anxiety does arise.

  • Don't fight the panic, but let it wash over you like a wave. Tell yourself that this is a temporary feeling and that it can't harm you.

  • Write down each of your anxious thoughts, then write a rebuttal for each one - basically a "script" that you can use to counter these thoughts when they arise. Think of it as pairing your "junk thoughts" with "facts" about the situation, i.e., what you know to be true (even if you don't feel it) - that you will be okay, you don't need this person from your past, etc. Reread your list of facts whenever you are feeling anxious.

  • Try your best not to leave the situation that is making you anxious, if you can. Stay with it for as long as possible. When you are anxious, you go into "fight or flight" mode. Your body (erroneously) senses that your life is in danger and triggers the release of adrenaline and other chemicals that help you to deal with an impending attack either by fighting it or fleeing. However, this response can only be sustained for a short period of time - it will go away if you wait it out. If you give in to the urge to flee, you are basically confirming that your life was in danger and training your brain to respond in a similar fashion the next time it is in a similar situation. If you stay in the situation and your life does not end, your brain "learns" that there is nothing to fear from this situation and will adjust accordingly.

    The key idea here is that neurons that fire together wire together. Right now your brain has certain entrenched habits and thought processes, which make it difficult for you to get out of a cycle of negative thinking. The more you work to counter negative thoughts with facts, and anxiety with relaxation methods, you will create and then strengthen new neural pathways in your brain. You can't just turn off anxiety - you have to teach your brain to react differently.

    If you still find yourself suffering from anxiety attacks, I'd definitely recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. It's best to nip it in the bud. Anxiety responds very well to treatment and you will have an easier time the faster you get it treated. If therapy isn't possible for whatever reason, there are books on CBT that can help you to learn the techniques.

    The Anxiety Coach is a really great online resource.

    You Are Not Your Brain is the only book on CBT I've read and IMO the only one you really need.

    Hope this helps, best of luck.
u/larksonglettinggo · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

I know exactly how you are feeling! Something you might try is creative visualization -- it is where you visualize a situation and visualize how you want to act and feel in that situation. I've been practicing visualizing seeing my ex at a grocery store and feeling calm and acting collected. I think envisioning myself as being calm over and over again makes me more prepared and ready for such an encounter. It also helps you practice in your mind how you would like to be and feel when you do see him .

And check out this book -- it is considered a classic:

u/sortbycolumn · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

I swallowed my pride and started reading/listening to self help books. Based on other people's recommendations: - funny and made me feel better if just for a few days; somewhat targeted towards women but I found it helpful - finished it in less than hour and trying to follow its mantra.. strangely, I think it might be helping. Too early to tell but it's interesting.

I e-borrowed the first one from my library. Maybe possible with the second one too.

u/cheshmat · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

Please give this book a shot. It’s a small book, but will change your perspective so you stop blaming yourself for everything. I read it 20 years ago, and dug it up again. It helps so much.

It’s a small book, but one you need to read slowly and digest.

I carry it with me, for my weak moments.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

u/ForgettingRosetta · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

Quote from my favorite book about break ups: "Even if your ex doesn't come right out and say, "Can't we be friends?" you might sense an inability to let go and let you be. You might initially be flattered that he or she can't imagine life without you, but honestly it has more to do with your ex's inability to end things than a true desire to keep you around....

The person who pushes to "be friends" is usually the one who doesn't want the commitment or responsibility of the relationship but is unwilling to completely relinquish the companionship of someone familiar. It's also hard to be friends because ex-lovers don't hold each other to the same standard as they do other friends..

There are also reasons you're no longer together, and perhaps those are the same reasons you shouldn't be friends"

I suggest you buy the book,

u/ExquisiteDisaster · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

Mark Manson wrote an article about Attachment Theory. There are many more detailed, more clinical descriptions if you Google it, but his is easy to digest if you're new to the concept:

Editing to add:

Also the book u/Dr-doctor- spoke about and I also recommend after reading can be found here:

u/Shlinds · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

I can totally relate to you. I am a month into NC and a little over 40 days from the breakup and some days I am totally ok and others - a complete and utter mess (like today). I have had the same thoughts but then realize - he would in a sense win. He would be living his life and happy and content and my family would then be the ones suffering. It wouldn't even cross his radar so all the effort in thinking those thoughts are in a sense a waste.

Read this - It's so obvious but helpful to realize you aren't alone.

We are all feeling the same thing and have each other. These days around holidays are the WORSE and just believe that time will heal us even though it is so hard to believe.

u/yishengqingwa666 · 5 pointsr/ExNoContact

Read "Why Does He Do That?" It will help you gain LOTS of insight on abusive men like your ex, and help you spot the red flags in the future.

u/PlzSavePolarBears · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

I had a friend who got a workbook/journal type book that lead you through the thinking process and I think she liked it a lot.

Found it:

u/myallurement · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

Your situation it's more common than you think, good thing is that you have identified the problem. I read a book called Attached and I can't recommend it enough, there's a chapter where it talks about effective communication plus some advises. It will help you in your future relationships and maybe to understand why it didn't work with your ex. Remember it takes two to make a relationship work.

u/gimmesomelovinn · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

you need to sort your head out and whilst you're doing that go NC

read the intro to this book- you'll get some self respect back

u/treebee1210 · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

Yeah! So if you want the workbook that was developed as a result of DBT that has all the skills including mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal skills and emotion regulation here is the link to it on amazon:

u/Ragdoll_Proletariat · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

Talking to a therapist is a great start. I get what you mean about the insecurities lessening if things go well. If self-esteem is low for you in general, this is a book I'm reading for low self-esteem. It might be worth checking out:

u/UnluckyWriting · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

I am reading this and its really helping:

Its cheesy but seriously doing the trick

u/I_AM_JACKS_DICKHOLE · 3 pointsr/ExNoContact

Hey. Take some deep breaths.

Suicide is not the answer you are looking for. From what you wrote, I think working on your depression is more important than worrying about this girl.

>I don't like myself and I want to change

It's time to work on liking yourself.

I would recommend this book as a place to start

I think you'll end up enjoying working on yourself and becoming who you want to be.

Just please get help if you are constantly having suicidal thoughts. That is the last thing you need right now.


u/grumpy-dumpee · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

> I fucking hate myself

Unfortunately, I know this feeling only too well.

I strongly recommend that you take a look at Self Compassion. I read this book, and it helped me a lot.

Life is hard enough without beating yourself up.

u/Dozer297 · 2 pointsr/ExNoContact

It is so hard loving unconditionally and being preyed on by the most destructive types of people. Going through something very similar and questioning what was real. About to read this - seems promising.

u/catarannum · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

Two books I read.


How to fix a broken heart : written by guy winch

Self esteem 3rd edition: Matthew m Kay & Pattrick Fanney -Link ( After reading this book, I learnt to deal with self critic and managing myself. I spoke for myself. Learnt to setup boundaries, started believing myself)