Best christian families books according to redditors
We found 232 Reddit comments discussing the best christian families books. We ranked the 92 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 232 Reddit comments discussing the best christian families books. We ranked the 92 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
To Train Up A Child is fucking evil. You can imagine my suprise when we received it as a baby shower gift!
Wonderful news! I know you aren’t looking for a recommendation, but as a dad myself I loved the book “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters” by Meg Meeker.
Really put in perspective my role as a dad for a daughter.
Strong Fathers Strong Daughters
Google Blanket Training. I bet Chelsea uses that technique and that's why the poor baby hid her hand.
ETA: Read the reviews. https://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
There's a manual for that
I've read a lot of parenting books and learned a lot of cool techniques and tricks for helping my kids. A parenting class, if you do the research and find someone who makes a lot of sense to you, is just a faster way of learning new tricks, and it sounds like you're looking for good ideas and fast. The class I linked you to in my other comment is one I'd love to take myself and I have worked with children for over fifteen years.
But if you are interested in the book route, look at your local library for How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, Simplicity Parenting, or Love and Logic, or anything by those authors.
I can guarantee you that at least one of my grandmas would've loved a parenting class, and the other probably could've used one.
People can and do suggest such a thing about Christians. And in fact some Christians in America have beaten their kids to death[3] on the advice of people who advocate such "training up"[1] of children.
If you were to ask evangelicals, you would find that they do in fact believe that they have a religious basis for spanking. In fact, that survey[2] has been done and found:
> Our survey research reveals that, on average, evangelical parents spank their children considerably more often than their non-evangelical counterparts.
Having spent plenty of time in church, I would not hesitate for a second to suggest that Christians believe they can beat their kids, because I know they do.
[1]: http://www.amazon.com/To-Train-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
[2]: http://hirr.hartsem.edu/research/parentingandevangelicals.html
[3]: http://www.examiner.com/article/another-child-s-death-linked-to-pearls-and-to-train-up-a-child
The 5 star reviews on Amazon are hilarious:
https://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/product-reviews/1892112000/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_five?ie=UTF8&filterByStar=five_star&showViewpoints=0
The book that allegedly motivated them.
lol'd at the reviews
What a tremendous responsibility! This is certainly a challenge, and you're brave and compassionate to be willing to give this young man a start. From my experience as a teacher, a 16-year-old is very much not an adult. I don't have children that age myself (mine is much younger), but have taught many kids in that age range who have gone through similar life events. You don't mention whether he has any disabilities, or whether he's been receiving therapy, but in my experience kids that old who are in foster care can have difficulty trusting adults and demonstrate difficult behaviors. I can give you a few of pieces of advice from my experience (again, primarily as a teacher):
In terms of what to read, I'd definitely ask other people who have experience this same thing. I'm sure they'll have ideas. If he's experienced trauma, I highly recommend reading or even taking a class about the sorts of effects that can have on a developing brain. Here are two books I like for this age range. Although I know you're not technically "parenting," they should still offer some good advice for getting along with teens in general:
Good luck! I'm sure you'll do a great job helping this young man transition from childhood to adulthood.
ETA: I reread your initial post and saw that in the UK he's technically classified as an adult (!), so some of what I've said here about consequences and whatnot may apply less than it would in the US. The predictability, routine, consistency, interest, and calm are still the key things I'd focus on.
The book Love and Logic is great for this. Stop being his doormat OP. It's bad for you and it will have consequences for him when he's older. He needs to know it's unacceptable to treat people this way and you need to stop shielding him from the consequences of behaving like a shithead.
Ok, so my son went through this exact same thing. The dog water is actually what we used to introduce the firm "no means no" concept, as well as time out.
Our son was also about 12-13 months when he started playing with the dog water. Same thing- he just loves putting his foot in it! He would do the same grin at us while hovering his foot over the water.
We tried redirection at first, but it became a game, so we resorted to time out. We got what is, in my opinion, the best time out chair for toddlers. I love this chair because you can(and should) remove the toys, and you can strap him in. We put the chair in a corner and that's just where it always is. When he's in time out, we call it time out, when he's just playing, we call it his thinking chair.
So here's what you do:
Next time he touches the water, tell him "No touching the dog water! That is yucky! If you touch the dog water again you will have a time out."
When he touches it again: "uh-oh! You touched the dog water! Now you have to have a time out..." (Say this in a surprised/sympathetic tone- like "it's to bad you did that... Sucks to be you" sort of way.)
Pick him up or wake him to the chair, put him in, strap him in and say "you're having a time out for touching the dog water."
Walk away for one minute.
He may think it is fun at first, but will then scream bloody murder most likely. Ignore this. Make NO eye contact!
After one minute, walk back.
"You were in time out for touching the dog water. You may not touch the dog water, that's yucky. Please say sorry and give me a hug." (He obviously didn't say sorry at first, but he did give the best hugs.)
Now, engage him with something else, play as if nothing happened. It's really important not to hold a grudge after a time out. Don't dwell on it. If he heads back to the dog water, you can remind him "Don't touch the dog water or you will have to have another time out".
When he touches it again, because he totally will, repeat the time out. "Uh-oh! You touched the dog water, now you have to have a time out..." Etc etc.
The key is to be extremely consistent with this. If it's a new day or occasion, I will give my son a warning of "if you do that again you will get a time out" but if it's the same day, anytime after the initial second chance is an immediate time out.
My son did it about 5 times in a row the first day, then he stopped. Then next day he did it a few times, and here and there over the next few days. This is totally normal and should be expected as he is testing boundaries and seeing how consistent you will really be. My son is 18 months now and I just have to remind him that he will get a time out if he chooses to touch the dog water, and he usually chooses not to.
The most important part of this is to make it clear that it is his choice to do something that lands him in time out. It's not you deciding he gets a time out, it's just that time outs are the consequence and his actions cause it. That's why you have a sympathetic tone when putting him in time out.
This is basically a really basic intro to Love and Logic discipline. In a nutshell you make sure the consequence is logical, and that the child is in total control of the choices they make (and therefore the consequences). You also never show animosity toward a misbehaving toddler, but empathy. It works wonders on toddlers, I have used it on many kids during my career as a nanny. If you have a chance to read it, I would highly suggest [Parenting With Love And Logic] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_xRGIwbN38WQEH) or Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.
I know it sounds kind of hippy-granola but I swear to you it is the best, most intuitive discipline system I have ever used.
Good luck!
What Father (above) said! You are beloved of God and nothing about your temptations and struggles changes His eternal love for you.
Overcoming sin in general and sexual sin in particular requires that we look into the occurrences of sin with the Lord and examine what we're really seeking. When we can identify the human and impulses desires behind the sinful acts, we can turn them to the Lord.
There's a book I'm reading that I'd heartily recommend titled: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. I'm about 2/3 of the way through and have been edified and encouraged by how the author guides readers towards meaningful & lasting healing.
In any case, I'll offer a decade of the rosary for you. Jesus loves you dearly and will never abandon you.
It's only been three months. She's probably lost more than one caregiver, and she doesn't know if you're sticking around either. I mean, you still have work to do re: attachment, but don't stress too much, because this isn't that unusual.
I don't have personal experience with getting a child to attach, but I've heard of some books that are pretty good: Attaching in Adoption, Parenting the Hurt Child. Hopefully you get some tips from adoptive parents here!
http://www.amazon.com/Satan-You-Cant-Have-Children/dp/1616383690
The author has several books like this.
And they're not satire, I checked.
To Train Up A Child is the go-to source for biblically approved methods of child abuse.
Here's a great article about the chapter in the book that discusses "disciplining" your infant to sleep: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/02/ttuac-spank-your-baby-to-sleep.html
I hope recommending a book doesn't seem callous in this moment of your despair. But I found this book incredibly helpful and insightful:
Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
Stringer is a Christian counselor and pastor and his book is really well researched. He doesn't tell you to just "try harder," he helps identify the factors that contribute to unwanted sexual desires and activity.
Speaking of counseling, that's my other piece of advice: get connected with a Christian counselor. The counselors at http://www.globalcounselingnetwork.com/ are generally Reformed and many are products of the M.A. in Counseling program at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis.
Finally, speak to an elder at your church. Tell him what happened as soon as you can. You need to let them know how you're struggling and they should be there for you on this. Maybe this elder can read through the book with you.
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/0345499395
I might get downvoted for filtering it to 1-star ratings but this is the best way to get across the content of the book.
* Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth
The book is about the subject of deliberate training and explains how spending a long time on specific kinds of training develops your skills. Not a research paper, and the tone of book is casual. Many pages are about the author and people around her, and those explained the motivation of studies about the subject and added real life examples to apply those studies, for example, to parenting. In general, the book is hopeful to motivate you to start training towords your goal.
Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise
Another book is about the subject of deliberate training. I recommend you to read this book after Grit. This book is more like a research paper. The tone of this book is drier than Grit but the book contains the details of the studies and advises you how, when and how much you should practice.
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World by Bob Goff
This book is about activism: love the world and do something instead of preaching gods. Although it is categorized as a Christian book and it certainly mentions god a lot, the message of the book is having the faith in people and the world. One of good things about this book is that the author started out as an ordinary person, who did not have his calling in his teen and was not found by a millionair to assist his business. His life story seems to be much more familiar to me compared to other famous people. Unexpectedly, the story includes the life of an inventor of popular products, and the book served me as his little biography too.
[To Train Up a Child] (http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1892112000).
> As a child that grew up in an abusive household, this book makes my stomach turn and heart ache. I truly wish child protective services would track down those raving about beating their children into submission by beating them with rods and take them away. I have a 4 month old, and in this book they advocate beating them on the back of the legs with a switch at 4 months old. I began crying once I read that for that poor defenseless newborn baby who was being beaten. This book is pure evil. It is not the word of the God I know or any God I would ever pray to. This is not Christianity. This is Child Abuse. This is Evil, and illegal. Those who apply these practices will get judged by God for their sins.
My folks didn't need to send me to no school. They learned me good the right way through what they read in To Train Up a Child.
[The Ology] (https://www.amazon.com/Ology-Ancient-Truths-Ever-New/dp/194257228X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505141243&sr=8-1&keywords=the+ology)
[The Biggest Story] (https://www.amazon.com/Biggest-Story-Crusher-Brings-Garden/dp/1433542447/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_sims?ie=UTF8)
[The Garden, The Curtain, and The Cross] (https://www.amazon.com/Garden-Curtain-Cross-Carl-Laferton/dp/1784980129/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1784980129&pd_rd_r=SRJK22K32PDBVHDMVS1V&pd_rd_w=nHBgO&pd_rd_wg=i2BQJ&psc=1&refRID=SRJK22K32PDBVHDMVS1V)
[The Jesus Storybook Bible] (https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Storybook-Bible-Every-Whispers-ebook/dp/B007WRPUFE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505142412&sr=8-1&keywords=children%27s+bible+jago+lloyd-jones)* With caveats. Jesus is depicted in pictures, and I think the redemption-historical expositional method is stretched in places.
[Seeds Family Worship] (https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-music&field-keywords=Seeds+family+worship)
And so far every faithful Bible translation I've read has been thoroughly Reformed :-P
And then, just for laughs:
Help Mom! There are Arminians Under My Bed!
This book has been pretty helpful for our family: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Families/dp/1600062903
It basically addresses the attachment issue through the lens of a child's desire for control - and gives some very effective strategies for creating a better dynamic. I highly recommend it.
Well, first off, we fail a lot. That's okay. I found that having too ambitious or structured of a plan was actually a hindrance. (I had spreadsheets, and outlines, and hymns chosen based on each text, and so on.) The "cost of entry" was high enough that if I was tired, or we got home late, or something, we would just skip it. Right now I'm also considering changing the time of day we do it, although evening still seems the most reasonable time.
To get back into the routine, right now we plan to just read a Psalm, sing whatever song occurs to us, and pray. No prep needed, just the ability to count from 1 to 150. Overall it's about 15 minutes.
When we started in February, I wrote my own plan with an OT passage, NT passage, and Psalm for each topic, with a hymn that was related to the topic in some way. Then we used this plan. [PDF] After that I was considering going through Kitto's Daily Bible Illustrations.
But an extended period of illness and our own failure to create the necessary routine meant we quit after less than a month.
So right now we're just on the simple Psalms plan to get back on track. What I think I'm learning is that there's no silver bullet and that it's possible to over-plan. This needs to become a routine of discipline before it will stick, and we need to keep the bar low to start.
Resources I recommend are:
This is satire, but the idea of beating your kids for Jesus is horribly real. The bible really does say those things, and some follow them. You've got books like To Train Up a Child, parents who follow it and kill their kids and even an entire Christian community practicing non-stop, indiscriminant child beating.
For everyone of these comments suggesting domestic violence (oh, sorry, I mean "physical discipline"), congratulations. That's how you train up a child!
This woman is going through hell -- that's a valid reason to make it a "holy shit I'm extra not having kids now" sort of thing. Not a valid reason to advocate domestic violence.
Here's what happens when parents use violence against their children:
> The child knows that the pain originates from us, and is not a natural result of his actions.
>
> As a consequence, the child may end up learning the wrong lessons, including:
>
What, was that some namby-pamby, spoil-your-child bullshit I just quoted? Nah, it's from a blog about taking care of your dog. I just changed the specifics to fit the current context. (Dog -> child, owner -> parent, biting/barking/clawing -> violence.)
Children can be fucking monsters. That doesn't mean we get to treat them as subhuman, or worse. If your child or pet is reaching toward the hot eye on the stove, fine -- slap them away as fast as you can. If your child or pet has violent tendencies, well -- you've got a lot of work ahead of you. Responding with violence means you probably shouldn't be a parent or responsible for a pet.
tl;dr:
If you wouldn't use a certain kind of "discipline" on a pet, don't act like it's somehow okay to do it to a child.
(1) What does leading your family look like to you? Is it reading the Bible together? You could be absolutely diligent at reading the Bible together and not be leading well. If you aren't setting a consistent godly example, no one will be interested in following your leadership, because it's not working in your own life. I don't know you so that's maybe not the case, but, in my experience, wives who get frustrated by their husband trying to read the Bible with them are generally already upset with his weak character. Are you living leadership or just trying to read with her and call it leadership?
(2) Help your daughter understand the Bible. We separate my 3-year-old from my 4 and 6-year-old for devotions because she is far enough behind them developmentally that she doesn't get much from teaching on their level and they don't get much from teaching on hers. She gets disruptive because she's bored when it's above her level.
Maybe your daughter just isn't ready to have the Bible read to her. Thankfully there are a number of resources that are available to you. The Jesus Story Book Bible, The Biggest Story, The Big Picture Story Bible, The Gospel Story Bible, my personal favorite is The Big Picture Interactive 52-Week Bible Story Devotional. If you're teaching on her level she will be a lot more engaged.
You may be interested in the parenting philosophy called Love and Logic. Here’s the book: Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_sLRIBbYQ4CVEC
It seems to mesh well with your calm parenting style. They advocate for room time, which is a modified version of time out that you could easily implement.
This parenting style involves being very empathetic before giving consequences. They emphasize learning opportunities and giving kids appropriate choices so they can feel in control sometimes.
A unique concept in this philosophy is the “energy drain.” Basically any of her exhausting behaviors can drain your energy and later in the day you act too tired to do something she wants to do, reminding her of the annoying thing she did earlier. Then she is given an opportunity to help you regain your energy (chores etc). It’s a neat idea because you aren’t giving her consequences in the moment when she’s acting out and likely unwilling to cooperate, but she still learns that there are consequences.
Interestingly, a very high profile child abuse case in WA state that involved the death of a child due to starvation and hypothermia was connected to the parents' religious beliefs and a book they had called "How to Train Up a Child." Scary book- it was mostly about how to abuse a child and force them to submit.
Edit: http://www.ambaras.com/2014/12/12/adoptive-parents-ethiopian-girl-died-hypothermia-starvation-backyard-found-guilty-manslaughter/
Only click that if you can handle reading something extremely sad and rage-inducing.
Edit: here's the awful book- http://www.amazon.com/To-Train-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
https://www.amazon.ca/Creative-Correction-Lisa-Whelchel/dp/1589971280
“pleasant”
ESH - Y'all need to see a therapist. Especially one who specializes with kids. Need to be consistent and agreed on the ground rules between the two of you and how you treat all the kids. Try this book for him too: https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540
He's the author of a decent selling parenting book.
http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
It has been used by parents all over the US as justification to beat their kids on a regular basis at the behest of the bible. A few are now on trial for murder.
EDIT: I made that assumption on reading it before going further down the posts to see where the source of this text was. I stupidly misattributed this text. However, this same concept is in the book that I cited above. So both of these guys are d-bags who promote child abuse based on biblical teachings.
Could be worse. Could be using this book as a reference.
To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. It's essentially a child abuse handbook with detailed instructions on how to beat your children... for Christ!
But have they really become more enlightened? I don't think we've gone in that direction at all. Remember that Reddit is far from representative of the US population. I submit for your review:
Which is the usual go-to example of people's lack of "enlightenment" - averages 5.252 million viewers.
I'm as eager to believe that Sarah isn't relevant as the next Redditor, but it's sadly untrue. She has her own TV show, her book spent 6 weeks on the bestseller list, and she just released another one.
Who has been on the bestseller list four times (once for a kid's book) and has a show on Fox even though it's been boycotted by advertisers after he called the President a racist.
>As long as they don't hurt anyone with their ideas
Like a few million gay people? Like children who have died from lack of medical care in favor of prayer healing? Like children abused because their parents wanted to train them up? Like the idea (from Genesis) that global warming isn't real? Like how creation "science" is being injected into public classrooms?
Just because they aren't hurting you doesn't mean they aren't a real, tangible problem.
>I can't imagine why we would want to crush their beliefs
I want to know how you would crush someone's beliefs. I'm honestly curious, because I don't think that's how religious beliefs work. I don't think they can be "crushed."
>As long as we respect each others beliefs
I absolutely will not respect a belief if it is harmful, backwards, or otherwise malignant. Respect is earned.
Hey Solus - my husband bobwhiz and I are expecting our first in August. Although we were both raised in Christian homes, I can totally relate to the feeling of terror at the thought of raising a child, especially as our calling is to point that child to Christ.
This book - Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp - was recommended to me. We got it and have been reading through it. I highly recommend it simply from a philosophical standpoint. The first half is entirely theory (and from a reformed, Biblical position), and the second half is practical application from newborns through the teenage years. As a note, the author advocates using the rod - so if spanking is off the charts for you, note that this book does endorse it. However, even if you are against spanking the first half alone is worth it in my eyes.
Prayers for you my brother.
I was venting to my boss about how my 3 year old is being a jerk about going to bed lately (my boss is Mennonite) he asked if we spank him. I said "I have only spanked him twice" usually I can sit with him and talk about what he is doing and we work through it"
He then told me to get the book "to train up your child" He said my son would test my limits the first few days, but if I used the spankings for love and discipline and not out of anger, his attitude would turn right around line his kids did.
I checked into the book on Amazon. It got 2 stars. Apparently it's written by some fundie couple who advocate the repeated beating of kids as young as 4 months old with a rod on the bare legs! WTF! And to hit them ten or more times, even if they squirm, cry, or beg you to stop. You are supposed to wait till they calm down, and continue the beating until you have literally beaten them into utter submission. She wife talks about beating a 14 month old over ten times for "not paying with a child she told her to play with"
This is the fuct up thing about how they view abuse. They believe that if they are doing it out of love and teaching you something, it's not abuse, it's discipline.
I hate my boss even more now because now I know this is what he has done to all 4 of his kids.
Edit: the book - http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/product-reviews/1892112000/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_one?ie=UTF8&filterByStar=one_star&showViewpoints=0]
I have 8 nieces and nephews that were disciplined using the book Love and Logic and they are all incredibly well behaved (most of the time). We're starting with it already and my little one is catching on faster than I anticipated.
Basically, she gets choices - either two meaningless ones or a good choice and a bad one. Failure to choose means I choose for her. Escalation into a tantrum means I choose for her.
So, in your case - We're going to the store, would you like to choose the music or would you like for me to choose? Oh, that's so sad. I'll choose. Would you like to get a race car cart or a regular cart, oh, that's so sad. Regular cart it is. Would you like to pick the fruit for your lunch or for me to choose? Would you like to have your timeout in the store or would you like for it to be in the car? Would you like for me to carry you to your timeout or would you like to walk there? etc, etc.
My nieces and nephews did test the boundaries and it took a lot of patience, but they all figured out how to self regulate enough that they were pretty civil by three and barring some major meltdown they'll settle on the good option almost every time. They're even at the point that they can be bought off with a glass of water (Would you like to come have a glass of water and settle down or do you think we need to go take a nap/stop playing/eat something/etc)
Also, at 2.5 he definitely does not need to be eating at night and you both have to be exhausted. Whatever method you choose, you should definitely make a point of getting that stopped ASAP.
We need to go on Amazon and rate this book to shit!
http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319821933&sr=1-1
GO! GO! GO!
The Biggest Story: How the Snake Crusher Brings us Back to the Garden
http://www.amazon.com/The-Biggest-Story-Crusher-Brings/dp/1433542447
Then there's this evil bible inspired corporal punishment boo. Just read the reviews.
They wrote To Train Up a Child, a controversial book about disciplining children (called "training") which they claim is based on biblical principles. They heavily advocate spanking as a universal tool for disciplining children, including infants, for even minor infractions until they are "totally broken." They reject modern psychology and much of what they advocate borders on child abuse.
There's been several stories in the news lately about children who have died as a result of parents following their advice.
Sell it on Amazon where the market is "New from $2.58 (plus S/H)". Could have more than double your money!
Here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409971395&sr=1-1&keywords=To+Train+Up+a+Child
From amazon.com, her book dimension is 8.4 by 5.6 in. with 304 pages.
2 8.4 5.6 * 304/144 = 198.61 sq ft
$ per sq ft = 1/198.61 = $0.005
Charmin Ultra Strong 16 rolls KMart#029w011552410001 $11.44 for 334 sq ft
$ per sq ft = 11.44/334 = $0.03
Hmm... you're onto something here...
Edit: fixed formatting
The Smart Step Family There's also "The Smart Step Dad" and "The Smart Step Mom"
https://www.amazon.com/Creative-Correction-Lisa-Whelchel/dp/1589971280
read the one-star reviews
Want to read some amazing things in one man's life with religion, check out a book called Love Does.
Granted he's not her biological father, but I can't recommend enough Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. Really a quality book.
I'm glad you found peace of sorts, but I'd never wish the experience on anyone else in lieu of wisdom. No one has to get their legs cut off to enjoy a walk.
Your father sounds like a Michael Pearl follower.
My wife and I have found the principles and techniques in Love and Logic to be very helpful. I'm sure you would find it helpful for the types of attitudes and behaviors you mention.
Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_yZWJybQKVN22A
Thank you for the suggestion! I'm always happy to look more into books that will help me become a better educator. Is this book you were talking about?
https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Teens-Love-Logic-Adolescents/dp/1576839303/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=S49R5K4NDVZ97CES0DBJ
Look at the reviews
Also, on more of the personal / family side - Strong Father Strong Daughter profoundly changed my outlook on the responsibilities of fatherhood.
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/0345499395/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395712737&sr=1-1&keywords=strong+father+strong+daughter
tell them you looked deep into the bible and decided to follow this book for its authentic representation of biblical child-rearing
I'm guessing Judge Adams owns this book.
The disgustingly popular book To Train up a Child advocates just that.
Whipping an infant requires a lighter touch than a tween, but their solution to a baby with colic is to beat them until the fear of pain trumps the pain of acid reflux.
One of the common tips is to use lengths of plastic water hose, the kind used to run water to a refrigerator's ice maker, to beat the child. It supposedly maximizes pain while reducing the risk of welts and broken skin. Parents are advised to keep whipping-ready lengths hanging around the house, so kids know a beating is always just an arm's length away. Fathers are advised to occasionally wear a length around their neck so the kids know a beating could happen at any second.
Is it any wonder so many religious folks are violent and psychotic when they're raised in an environment of constant pain and terror?
This is the best book I know on the topic.
https://www.amazon.com/Family-Worship-Bible-History-Your/dp/1633895351
I think what you want for your kids is what you want for anyone. They need examples, but they also need to be able to find answers for themselves.
FUCKED UP BASTARDS.
and you know who else is a FUCKED UP BASTARD? this guy.
Congratulations! It seems as thought you found the source of her sexual activity. As you know, the sex makes her feel needed, desired, wanted, and cared for. It seems that, according to what I've read, are the very things missing from her family life. Not implying that it is done consciously by you and your husband, but that is her perception.
Changing schools is an idea worth exploring, allowing her to have a clean slate, make new friends, not feel intimidated, and in general escape the bad. As a child that had low self-esteem and various other issues, you can have a major impact on her as of today. Not knowing your family history, let's cover all the bases (not implying that the list below is necessarily reflective of your situation)...
Growing up, I didn't have a dad, just my grand-father, and we really didn't do all that much together. As such, I had nearly zero male influence in my life and never saw what dads did. When our daughter was born, my wife found this great book which really helped me understand what's important to girls and the importance of the fathers. I strongly recommend that your husband read it. It's not a opinion based book, a rarity in this genre as it is based on clinical observations and patient-therapist discussions. Meeker also has one about boys, again, a very worthwhile read.
Good luck!!
Parenting with Love and Logic.
I may have reacted strongly to some things he said (he did not waste time and immediately reacted aggressively to me as well amiright?). I'll explain why I reacted quickly and strongly.
I didn't appreciate his posting a parenting program. I didn't consider it relevant to the discussion and as an exChristian with family members high up in the church I know that these ARE tools used to prosthelytise and convert people to religion (I watched family members try tactics like these, including opening a religious preschool so they could teach the kids to go home and since Jesus songs to their parents) or to promote essentially religious right views of the family and world views. They are based on a particular philosophical belief system and that affects the things that they say and the parenting advice that they give.
The program he is promoting is a religiously based parenting program. In that sense this is similar to the one that the Sears promote called "Attachment Parenting" (Attachment Parenting for instance encourages mothers to not work but stay home so they can attachment parent all day long, and this fits with the conservative Christian idea of women not being too independent or working outside of the home) and also similar to Babywise (which was found to cause failure to thrive syndrome in children and promotes hitting very young babies and teaching them that the parent is in charge. This idea of disciplining young babies comes out of theology because many Christians believe that people have original sin so even babies are born sinful, and you have to discipline the sin our of your children. Babywise was basically "Growing Kids God's Way" and they took out all the references to God and repackaged it but it still was based on theology not science. To an unknowing person, Babywise looked fairly innocuous and scientific at first glance). This program is likely to be similar (in spite of being marketed as "Love and Logic") in that it comes at least partly out of a religious rather than scientific worldview and mindset and its directions and advice will promote that. I don't think that this program is necessarily similarly abusive but I think that it is worth being aware of how these philosophical underpinnings influence a program's parenting advice, and can advance a particular view of the world and family and to some extent particular political views.
THAT is why I reacted strongly to what he said. I wasn't happy about seeing a recommendation for a non scientifically grounded parenting program like that and particularly not in an unsolicited way. By all means if you or others are interested in the parenting programs go ahead and explore keeping in mind what I pointed out.
And most people on here probably do not realize nor are aware of the things I pointed out above, we generally are not manipulative towards others and so we do not easily spot manipulation in others, but please stop and think about what I said for a few minutes.
> ninja edit: After reading your post history I can sympathize with some of the things you're going through. Making judgments about other redditor's parenting skills from a single comment or assuming there are hidden motivations or trying to imply someone isn't really an INTP... you're coming across as aggressive.
I hope that now that I have explained myself you understand better where I am coming from. I did respond aggressively because I wasn't happy due to the reasons I mentioned above but I hope you understand why now. There is also no reason to read into my intentions or personal situation or psychoanalyze me. As you can see my particular personal situation which you may have read about isn't necessarily the reason I found that recommendation worrying. Just as you read into my posting history and found cause for empathy he may also have read into my posting history and been triggered to swear at me.
Take a look at the reviews on here:
http://www.amazon.ca/Parenting-Love-Logic-Teaching-Responsibility/dp/1576839540
Parenting the Hurt Child is a good one.
My wife is the oldest of her siblings, three boys, and I think it works so well. Much of it has to do with the way they were raised, but because she is so protective of them, and the way they look up to her, I wanted a girl first, and I got my wish. I don't care what comes next, though I'm partial to girls because they're easier when they're young, and I'm older than the average dad.
If yours is a girl, get this book.
Finally, here's how we learned her gender. We gave the doctor a small pouch with a boy and girl doll inside and asked him to remove one after reviewing the ultrasound. He left the room, came back and handed it back to us. We had dinner that night with the pouch sitting on the table, and opened it before dessert.
I didn't read through all of it, but from skimming over it I think you may be interested in some of these (you didn't say what age your kids were so I'm just giving you everything I know of):
These are all about respecting your child, seeing them as a capable human being, and including them in the family.
It's just different here in the US. Right this second, there are kids languishing i Christian gulags being emotionally and physically torture in what's laughably called "reform" camps. They are there for things as being "rebellious or "choosing" to be gay or some other shit wherein they pissed off their parents. Look up Kidnapped for Christ. That film producer was a Christian who thought she would make a film about the wonderful and positive impact that these Christian camps were having on kids lives. When she left, she was questioning her faith due to the abuses when witnessed. Might want to pick up a copy of Saving Alex. A Christian (Mormon) girl who was gay and her parents signed their parental rights over to a couple who claimed they could "fix" her. This was after they tricked her into going. So much for that commandment about not lying, eh? Anyways, she was beaten, made to endure stress positions, carry a heavy backpack or rocks that represented her "sin" of being gay, etc. She cried out for help from the towns people but being a heavily Christian place, no-one would help her. She was able to escape with the help of a school teacher.
Then there are the children who've died because of the "advice" in the book: How to Train Up a Child. More-or-less, beat the shit outta the kid until they get with the program.
There's also no shortage of stories about pastors molesting kids, endorsing violence, etc. Here's one pastor who's bragging about punching a kid in the chest because he wasn't "taking the lord seriously." In it, he said there's times when beating a kid is "needed".
Here's one calling for the rounding up of gays and putting them into camps. After this went viral, one of the church members decided to go on CNN w/ Jake Trapper. This was before he announced he was gay. Anyways, the interview is stuff of legends unto this day.
So yes....there is problems w/ Islam. But IMO, there's no true difference between them. Under the right circumstances, I'm sure my fundie co-worker down the hall would be cheering and chanting about throwing the gay guy in my office off the roof of the building.
We found Parenting the Hurt Child quite good, even though our son did not experience any abuse or neglect.
It appears they followed the educational advice of Michael and Debi Pearl
Link to their book "To Train Up a Child"
Smart Stepfamily also touches on this topic quite a bit. Lots of side bars and things that speak to how to respond/react/etc if one parent has passed away. (It also talks about how to respect what was before you even if both parents are still living, IIRC.) Also, I know Smart Stepmom discusses this (reading currently) and I would guess Smart Stepdad does too.
Look into foster/adoption parent resources
I would start with http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Hollywood/dp/1600062903
-- edit -- congrats for being there for your new child and wanting to help her more.
The Smart Stepfamily
The Smart Stepmom
by Ron Deal
I haven't read her book Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious, but I see one woman, Piedmont Lady, who has read it and reviewed it on Amazon.com stating:
>I am a Christian wife and mother. I have enjoyed some of the Pearls' writings in the past and I was actually perplexed when I read this book. The overall tone of the book is that nearly all the problems in marriage are caused by some fault in the woman, and if she would just get her act together and do x, y, and z then the marriage would be glorious. Wow - unfortunately, there are no cookie cutter marriages whose problems can all be solved by Debi's book.
>
>Many readers claim this book is great because it is based on the bible, but Mrs. Pearl offers no exegesis on the subject of marriage. For her to claim that her book reveals "God's plan for a heavenly marriage" (p. 15) is misleading. Just because she sprinkled in multiple bible verses and bible stories does not mean Debi has clearly described God's plan for wives.
>
>There are times where the author's biblical illustration completely goes against what the scripture is teaching. One example is in chapter 19 (which deals with the topic of being chaste) where Debi blames Bathsheba for the adulterous affair with David. She claims if Bathsheba had just been more discreet, she could have prevented the calamity that followed. This is not what the bible teaches about that story. Scripture says David was the one who sought her out and initiated the affair. In Second Samuel, God sent the prophet Nathan to rebuke David for his lust and the adultery. It is quite clear in that passage that God put the responsibility on David. I have never heard any pastor implicate Bathsheba when teaching about that story....
I also have not read another book she has written, To Train Up A Child. But I see another Amazon.com reviewer, R. Craig "Mother", of the latter book wrote this about it:
>Barnes and Noble no longer sells this book.
>
Here are some details:
>
>1) The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old on their bare skin. They describe whipping their own 4 month old daughter (p.9). They recommend whipping the bare skin of "every child" (p.2) for "Christians and non-Christians" (p.5) and for "every transgression" (p.1). Parents who don't whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as indifferent, lazy, careless and neglectful (p.19) and are "creating a Nazi" (p.45).
>
>2) On p.60 they recommend whipping babies who cannot sleep and are crying, and to never allow them "to get up." On p.61 they recommend whipping a 12 month old girl for crying. On p.79 they recommend whipping a 7 month old for screaming.
>
>3) On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with. On p.56 Debi Pearl hits a 2 year old so hard "a karate chop like wheeze came from somewhere deep inside."
>
>4) On p.44 they say not to let the child's crying while being hit to "cause you to lighten up on the intensity or duration of the spanking." On p.59 they recommend whipping a 3 year old until he is "totally broken."
>
>5) On p.55 the Pearls say a mother should hit her child if he cries for her.
>
>6) On p.46 the Pearls say that if a child does obey before being whipped, whip them anyway. And "if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher." "Defeat him totally." On p.80 they recommend giving a child having a tantrum "a swift forceful spanking." On the same page they say to whip small children on their bare skin until they stop screaming. "Don't be bullied. Give him more of the same." They say to continue whipping until their crying turns into a "wounded, submissive whimper."
>
>7) On p.47 they recommend their various whips, including "a belt or larger tree branch" to hit children.
>
>8) The Pearls recommend pulling a nursing infant's hair (p.7), and describe tripping their non-swimming toddler so she falls into deep water (p.67). They recommend ignoring an infant's bumped head when he falls to the floor, and ignoring skinned knees (p.86). They also say "if your child is roughed-up by peers, rejoice." (p.81) And on p.103 the Pearls say if children lose their shoes, "let them go without until they (the children) can make the money to buy more."
>
>9) The Pearls claim their "training" methods are Godly, yet they have no religious training or credentials They never mention Jesus' injunctions to forgive "seventy times seven" and be merciful, and they decry the "extraordinary ingnorance of modern psychology."
>
>The Pearls' methods have resulted in parents being investigated by Child Protective Services, children being taken away from parents, a restraining order against a father, and even a babysitter going to jail on felony charges!
Another reviewer, Manon Gray, wrote the following:
>My mother was given this book while I was a child. Wanting to raise a well-behaved child, she would spank me with a belt. She is proud of me. I am a senior at Princeton University and practicing Catholic. However, today my mother would tell you that I am these things in spite of the teachings of "To Train Up a Child," in spite of the self-loathing and insecurity caused by whippings which would not end until I could pretend to be content. Pretend to embrace the necessity for my own torture.
>
>I was abused. Please do not look to this book for guidance.
I'd also refer you to Mike and Debi Pearl: Child Disipline or Child Abuse. One story from that webpage discussing the Pearl's childrearing recommendations follows:
>On February 6, 2010, Lydia Schatz, the seven year old homeschooled daughter of Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz, died after having been brutally beaten for mispronouncing a word while reading out loud to her mother. Butte County, California District Attorney, Mike Ramsey, reported that evidence shows the child was severely and repeatedly whipped, most likely for several hours, with a 15” piece of ¼” plumbing supply line, the same instrument that also left her older sister with severe kidney damage and in critical condition. The other seven Schatz children are now in foster homes, their parents having been charged with torture and murder.
>
>While it might be comforting to believe that this is one horrific, isolated case of abusive behavior, the fact is that Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz were Bible-believing Christians who welcomed not only their own children into their home but three adopted ones as well. Their friends reported how shocked they were to hear this story about parents whom they called “loving” and “warm” and children who were “polite and well-behaved,” words that could describe most homeschooling families.
>
>But Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz were also devotees of the book To Train Up A Child and its authors, Michael and Debi Pearl, and they patterned their “discipline” methods after the Pearls’ instructions, down to the very instrument they used to beat their children.
>
>This is not the first time a child has died at the hands of parents who embraced the teachings from TTUAC. In 2004, four year old Sean Paddock suffocated after his mother also beat him with ¼” plumbing supply line and then wrapped him tightly in a blanket to keep him from getting out of bed. She is now serving time in jail for first degree murder.
>
>The killing of precious children in the name of “discipline” must stop and those of us who desire to come alongside and encourage homeschooling families must do all that we can to see that this sort of tragedy never happens again. I believe that the Pearls’ teachings on chastisement unto repentance, found in their books and magazines and on their website, is not just one among many approaches to disciplining children, but rather, is a form of child abuse and even one that is considered to be assault and battery of a child and punishable by law in many states.
So, I hope you do not look to this woman for guidance.
It’s actually not a pdf but a book. I bought it through the Apple book store but it’s available elsewhere. Here’s the link to Amazon where you can read the description and also a sample. https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Healing/dp/1631466720. I’ve really enjoyed it so far.
Buy this book now: Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker
It will help you understand how much her life will be shaped by your actions and behavior and how ultimately she might be choosing a partner that will be similar to you. It has a lot of christian nonsense the can be skipped and still get a lot from it.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0345499395/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_upL0tb1B86TPR
Baptism! But really, infant baptism is a great way to start. It doesn't make the child a christian, but is beautifully symbolic of that child growing up in the admonition of the Lord. Consider it! Here and here are some good articles on the issues.
Otherwise, Tedd Tripp has a good book on the issue.
I have a few questions on your post.
Year long engagement? There are valid reasons for a long engagement and yours may be one. But, my friendly advice is to make it shorter if it's at all possible.
Also, would you really want something that stops once you get married? Why not use the opportunity to start on the practice of regular family worship time? This would your search to something that you can continue into your marriage.
Don Whitney has a new, short book about doing Family Worship
I recently started reading the "Love and Logic" parenting book, and it actually has some tips in there that I think sound promising. Here's a link. Maybe this can help you out to get this type of behavior under control. I also read and liked the tips in the "Happies Toddler on the Block". And I've heard (but didn't read because it's aimed towards babies and young children) that attachment theory parenting books are good.
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Teaching-Responsibility-ebook/dp/B00IV351R0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395465516&sr=1-1&keywords=love+and+logic
IMO, you can fuck off with that shit.
The proper way to smack a child... christ.
Link for the lazy.
>who are we to judge there laws on our standard?
So who are we to say that the institutionalized child-rape in India and elsewhere is bad? Or that killing people for changing their religion is bad? Or that beating children to break their spirit and snuff out their independence is bad?
We're moral beings, that's who we are. Immoral, unjust, and monstrous behavior is what it is regardless of its cultural justifications or heritage, and that's what gives us the right. This particular guy, an Australian tourist, will eventually be able to leave and have the choice of not coming back. Good for him. What about the people born there, who grow up there and never have the choice of leaving for less oppressive places? Too bad, their fault for being born there? No one deserves to be beaten to near death over and over again for "disrespecting" a couple of zealots who died hundreds of years ago, and no one has the right to dispense those beatings.
This actually is not that far from something some parents actually do to discipline their kids, particularly among fundamentalist Christians in the US. The actress who played Blair on The Facts of Life published a book promoting the use of hot sauce on the tongue as a Christian child discipline technique.
who pressed charges against this guy? and why aren't they sinking everything they own into prosecuting these people?
123 Magic has really helped my husband and I with our three-anger. Implementing the strategy was easy and has brought so much peace to our home. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Parenting with Love and Logic are the other 2 we have referenced lots of times. But if you are looking for more of a story Bringing Up Bebe was a fun read.
This book might help:
https://www.amazon.com/Child-Child-Training-Century-Updated-Expanded/dp/1616440724
To Train Up A Child (Paperback)
~ Michael Pearl Debi Pearl
http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
Spare the quarter-inch plumbing supply line, spoil the child
Saying no to "timeouts," some fundamentalist Christians "train up" their children by carefully hitting them with switches, PVC pipes and other "chastening instruments."
http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2006/05/25/the_pearls/print.html
Spanking away sin
Christian Century, May 1, 2007
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_9_124/ai_n19328433/
Dominionism and child abuse, part 1
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/8/13/370953/-Dominionism-and-child-abuse,-part-1
Daily Kos: Dominionism and child abuse, part 2
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/8/14/114136/732/786/371430
Dominionism and child abuse, part 3: Why they aren't in jail
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/8/15/17423/4121
NoSpank - Flogging for God
http://nospank.net/floggers.htm
>"The guilty have also repented and there is no proof of injuries at all. What is the problem now?"
Oh, so it leave no visible sign of abuse? Thats makes it ok then.
Funny how is sounds like what some Christians preach for their own kids.
A Catholic mom group I was apart of, one of the books that we did was The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. I would also recommend Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grows Healthy Children by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
> As you are well aware nobody is killed for leaving christian religions but it is all too common in islam.
As you are well aware, I just talked about some ways people get killed for leaving or not participating in Christianity
They attack towns, they mount murderous invasions, some kill their kids for leaving the church, they write books about brutally publishing your kids like in the Old Testament which repeatedly leads to cases like this, they have public calls to "kill the gays", they actually killed Tennessee Williams and dozens of others just since Harvey Milk; you name it, they've done it and well after the Great Awakening too.
Also, as you may be aware by now, I live in a city that's 1/3 muslim and that shit doesn't happen here. The number of American muslims who are worried they'll get killed for NOT being muslim is
absolutely infinitesimal.
>Islamic terror is common and rampant. Not so for Christian terrorism.
Islamic terror is common in the Middle East, parts of Africa, specific regions of South Asia and the Indonesia area. Christian terror is common in Lebanon, the rest of Africa and Northeast India, and was in the very recent past common in Ireland, Northern Ireland, Eastern Europe, the Phillippines and the United States (where it was and remains often quite ineffectual due to the sheer incompetence of the KKK). Christian terrorism is currently roughly as common as Islamic terrorism in America (both rates are a tiny fraction of a percent), but lower per capita.
[TALK] JESUS CALLING Podcast "Families Building a Legacy of Love: Bob Goff & Lindsey Goff Viducich, and Jackie Green & Lauren Green McAfee" SFW
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-calling-podcast-touching-stories-of-faith/id1081967443?mt=2
Today’s guests discuss how families can work together to do good in the world and leave a legacy that will have impact for years to come: author and speaker Bob Goff and his daughter Lindsey Goff Viducich and businesswomen and philanthropists Jackie Green and her daughter Lauren Green McAfee. Bob Goff is author of the New York Times bestseller Love Does, and is daughter Lindsey is a schoolteacher. Together, they talk about their new book Love Does for Kids and why they’re passionate to help kids all over the world. Jackie Green and Lauren Green McAfee’s family runs the Hobby Lobby chain of stores. As co-authors, earlier this year Jackie and Lauren released the book, Only One Life: How a Woman’s Every Day Shapes an Eternal Legacy. Today the mother-daughter team tell us what legacy means to them, and why every person is equipped to leave behind a life that can reach countless generations into the future.
The "christian family values" I believe you are referring to are not Christian.
A prime example of this is How to Train up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. This monstrosity has led to child deaths. The "family values" they discuss are all about power and control. Children are not living beings but property. God is used as a tool, as an excuse for manipulation, abuse and rebellion against whatever enemy the practitioner thinks. You find "sovereign citizens" etc among this group at the extreme.
Contrast that with Catholic Social teaching > The video by Pope Benedict is excellent.
Or contrast with https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/religion-and-philosophy/social-justice/the-importance-of-the-family.html
The prosperity Gospel people see children as a resource, property, life insurance plan, free labor something to be controlled and manipulated.
Real Christian family values see them as a gift, a human, a living example of Christian love.
Congratulations! Fatherhood is incredibly sanctifying. Beeke has already been mentioned, but I can make a few other recommendations that are broadly reformed. Don Whitney's Family Worship is worth reading for its encouragement more than anything. I'd also recommend Paul Tripp's Parenting as it centralizes the gospel in parenting. There's also Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. You might also enjoy some of the blog posts on parenting at CCEF. Finally, a number of good resources are available down the road for catachesis if you plan to do anything like that, but for now enjoy these early days.
More of the same...
http://smile.amazon.com/To-Train-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000
Here is a list of some of the greatest Websites I have found on this topic so far:
Spank with Love
http://www.lchr.org/a/23/8a/main.html
Spanking Implements Pain Chart
http://imgur.com/gallery/pfXh0ri
Best website to buy Spanking Implements from
http://www.paddledaddy.com/impact/
The Roy Lessin Method of Spanking
https://www.reddit.com/r/SpareNotTheRod/comments/6iwsqm/how_to_spank_a_child_using_the_roy_lessin_method/
What the Bible says about Spanking
https://www.reddit.com/r/SpareNotTheRod/comments/6j1s7g/what_the_bible_says_about_spanking_christians/
How to spank kids Guide according to Maria Dolores
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JHRgO3Moqd9VyH7Og1kB-aXlE4erBUb98MZeEfTCCIM/edit
Spanked Children grow up happier and commit less crime
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/6926823/Smacked-children-more-successful-later-in-life-study-finds.html
"To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. A book on how to discipline/spank a child the correct way.
https://www.amazon.com/Train-Child-Child-Training-21st-Century/dp/1616440724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501166220&sr=8-1&keywords=to+train+up+a+child
I swear by the Love and Logic series. They have this, which I have not tried but plan on getting. I have used this book with my 6 year old daughter for the last 2 years. I really wish I would have found it sooner! It would have made the toddler years much less confusing and waaaaay less frustrating. I went through a lot of trial and error with parenting methods, and this is the only approach that makes me feel like I am doing the right thing as a parent.
As far as taking care of a baby, this is helpful and hilarious. The men get a kick out of it, and the information is wonderful.
Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0307987159/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_4oZWDb9PMRV31
Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1631466720/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_aNmUDbFFFZWKZ
Lots of people genuinely believe in the values espoused in Johnny Cash/Shel Silverstein's A Boy Named Sue and in the book To Train Up a Child which has been linked to a number of deaths. "Gotta toughen them up."
Love Does
It's Parenting With Love and Logic. That's the basic, central text. They have other books, and they're all good, but start with this one. It gets away from punishment/reward and works on building intrinsic motivation. It's all about consistency, making a child's world make more logical sense, and maintaining respect, dignity, and empathy for the child (thus showing the child how people are supposed to interact).
https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482074748&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic
Some people do take it literally To Train Up A Child. It was just an example.
I feel this book is somehow relevant...
Have no fear! Amazon will happily sell you an instruction manual on how to do odious, despicable things to innocent children, as long it is done in the name of good Christian offspring-training fun!
>On the bare legs or bottom, switch him eight or ten licks; then, while waiting for the pain to subside, speak calm words of rebuke. If the crying turns to a true, wounded, submissive whimper, you have conquered; he has submitted his will. If the crying is still defiant, protesting and other than a response to pain, spank him again.
I suppose it's okay as long as you don't get an erection.
The Biggest Story
I'd recommend reading this.
America by Heart.
He still has a chance. If William and Catherine don't train up that child the right way (http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1892112000), it will end up in the gutter and not be fit enough for the job.
It will all come together but right n now both you and he are in upheaval. It's great that he has another male that her bonded with enough to consider him daddy. I wouldn't compete with that but come up with a different title for yourself. Papa, Poppy, something else that designates your role but doesn't make him feel like he's cheating on his daddy.
I definitely recommend the Love and Logic series. I also would recommend looking at some adoption books. Parenting the Hurt Child http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00IDHW63G/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1419175089&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70 is excellent. (Forgive the ugly link, I'm on mobile.) I know he's your child and you aren't adopting him. But, he is coming to you without a strong prior relationship. It also sounds like he didn't come from a stable place before. He will have a lot of issues around this transition, very similar to an adopted older child.
This one: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1576839540/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452001848&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic&dpPl=1&dpID=51Q4P6nPSVL&ref=plSrch
The first few reviews to show up, which I guess are the most recent, are 1 or 2 stars and say it's terrible... I think I'll get the toddler one and start that first though!
There are two books I would start with.
The first is Adoption Parenting. My wife and I read it. Her more than me I must confess. But it did a lot to open our awareness to so much.
adoption parenting
The second is The five love languages children. The original is one my wife and I read for each other. This one expands upon children’s growth through the love languages and helps us as parents flex with them. 5 love languages
This is about 800 pages in total. There are more I’d gladly suggest and feel free to send me a chat if you have any specific questions.
Good luck! As a fellow adoptive parent, I’m pulling for you and I’m here for you!
Yep, plenty of Christians advocate for child abuse.
Here's the book written by this horrible goon.
Yep
I would recommend reading Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer. It's a good book that explains how psychological factors can influence unwanted sexual behavior, and it does this through a Christian perspective regarding human sexuality. Full disclosure, I am not benefiting from the sale of this book, I just thought it was a really interesting read.
The people that are saying "Don't expect anything better from a two year old" are off-base. Having low standards for children is mainly an American cultural thing. I suggest reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" . Seriously, if you only read one book, make it this one. Make your fiance read it too.
There's not a lot you can do by yourself without your fiance's help. She will need to be the main enforcer. Be 100% consistent in your consequences, and act with empathy and concern, and not out of anger. It's important that she understands the consequence happened because she made a bad decision, and not because her parents are angry.
Another great book, if you are a reader, is French Children Dont Throw Food.