Best sleep disorder books according to redditors
We found 386 Reddit comments discussing the best sleep disorder books. We ranked the 70 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 386 Reddit comments discussing the best sleep disorder books. We ranked the 70 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. This book will scare you into sleeping more.
There is also a great Joe Rogan interview with the author. Everyone should watch it.
You really should pick up [Why We Sleep](Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501144316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_CU83Bb1KV9ZXS) before you decide. Pretty good evidence that there are serious detrimental long term effects on losing even little bits of sleep. Be careful.
I'm reading the book "Why We Sleep" and it's seriously scary how important sleep is yet how little people get, and how socially acceptable that is.
Thankfully, it's been the catalyst for me going to bed earlier and making sure to get 8 hours minimum, and I'm feeling pretty good.
Is it this one: Healthy Sleep Happy Baby: 30 Empower Strategies to Soothe Your Little One to Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YI15QHY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_iNFEzbRT0HZA5
Or this one: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, 4th Edition: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night's Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553394800/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_QNFEzbC7AS1BX
There's a book for this! The Baby Sleep Solution I implemented the principles starting at 6 weeks and my baby has been sleeping 8:30pm-7:00am since 8 weeks. I tell everyone about this book because it is a sanity saver.
Read Why we sleep by Matthew Walker. He's a sleep researcher and covered this topic extensively. There are also tips on how to improve sleeping quality (such as regular schedule, avoiding blue light and screens, avoiding alcohol, etc)
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
Or you could just keep bed sharing. She'll eventually want to sleep in her own bed, all kids do.
I read Sweet Sleep which is put out by The Leche League. (https://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Breastfeeding/dp/0345518470/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=sweet+sleep&qid=1575144694&sr=8-3)
It makes some pretty compelling arguments for bedsharing and against sleep training.
We've been bedsharing since our daughter was 3 months old and its been a really positive experience. A lot of moms i talk to want to bedshare because it feels more natural and they like the connection of being closer to their baby overnight but feel guilty about it because they feel their baby "should" be able to sleep on their own already. She'll get there even if you bedshare now. Do what gets your family the most sleep and gives your heart the most peace. And check out the book for how to make bedsharing safe. Or read this article that explains how to make your bed safe https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/
No one can survive on 4 hours of sleep or even 6, at least not without dire consequences later in life. If you haven't heard of Matthew Walker's work and his book Why We Sleep I highly recommend you check it out. He's been on a bunch of podcasts too, my favorite was on an episode of Dr Rhonda Patrick's Found My Fitness podcast. Please do yourself and your future health a favor and get your 8. You deserve it!
Give this a read. Changed my life and I will never fuck with my sleep ever again
I just read Mathew Walker’s excellent book “why we sleep.”
It’s an excellent read and will change the way you think about sleep. Highly recommended.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144324/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1549864264&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=Why+we+sleep&psc=1
Dad of two kids here.
Buy these two books -
https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800
...read them twice and commit to them.
"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is sometimes difficult to put into practice, but once you do, your kid will sleep through the night. If you don't believe me, believe the Amazon reviews.
The other thing I would suggest is if you have the money and space, bring the gym home. I have a rowing machine at home. You don't need a gym to do pushups, sit-ups and burpees.
I listened to a podcast with Matthew Walker, the author of Why We Sleep which then lead me to buy the audiobook. One of the first things he talks about in the book is that whether we’re a night owl or morning lark is largely determined by genetics. So, the fact that you have a hard time waking up early is likely going to be hard to change, unfortunately.
The podcast was with Joe Rogan. . It’s quite a good listen!
This book does a really good job of explaining the impact of less than 7 hours of sleep a night (TLDR it will kill you early)
Here's a metastudy with many (many) footnotes on sleep duration and mortality.
Just for longevity, this makes sleep at least as important as exercise for mortality.
(Source: I work in the sleep industry)
Yeah, one of these things is not like the others. Just the first few pages of Matthew Walker's Why We Sleep makes that clear. Don't know whether it's a year-long project, but of the items on the list it merits top priority.
If you are a breastfeeding family you should check out Sweet Sleep.
http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Breastfeeding/dp/0345518470
If you don't want to buy it contact a local La Leche League Leader and see if you can borrow a copy. www.llli.org.
Do NOT swaddle WHILE bed-sharing. If you swaddle a baby you should put them in a crib or side-car style bassinet. If they are swaddled and anything obstructs their breathing they won't be able to help themselves. Happiest Baby methods are great for calming but once baby is asleep you can unswaddle.
Happiest baby video:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=guRi6zyFHtw
Bed sharing is extremely safe if you are prepared for it. With a baby this small you need a firm mattress and baby should be sleeping on the outside of mom (away from dad or other bed sharers) for a few weeks. Mom will naturally sleep side lying and create a safe space with her elbows and knees framing baby. If she normally sleeps belly or back she may benefit from a body pillow or regular pillow along her back to prop her up.
If you can, put your mattress on the floor. This eliminates the danger of falling. Once baby is mobile the room should be baby proofed and either gated or with a closed door. This allows mom and dad to continue to sleep and baby could move around the room and entertain himself safely.
OP, also remember that babies as small as yours need help regulating their breathing and body temperature. That's why baby is so comfortable on your chest. Try taking sleeping shifts for a few days just to get over the exhaustion. Then you can work on sleeping at the same time again. Good luck!
Sleep. Fix your fucking sleep. It is your foundation for improving everything else.
Audit your routines and schedules. Are you using your phone/TV right up until the moment you close your eyes? Are you going to sleep at a consistent time? What does your caffeine intake look like, especially in the latter half of your day?
If you don’t fix this, your lifts are the least of your worries. Your sleep, or lack thereof, will largely dictate most areas of your life, from your health, to your relationships, your motivation, as well as your mental, physical, and sexual performance, and through secondary effects, your academic/career/financial life as well.
Fix. Your. Fucking. Sleep.
Start here (20 minutes). Then here (2 hours).
Then read this.
Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins was the one I liked. I'll update with Amazon link in a minute...
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins: A Step-by-Step Program for Sleep-Training Your Multiples https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345497791/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_Zx-zzbGYE1JYE
Read The Insomnia Workbook. A medically recommended guide to healthy sleep. I had done a lot of Internet research on sleep, but this was by far the best resource.
Many, many parents have a similar experience. I include myself in that category, and this period was one of the worst in my life. The way that you describe "ferberizing" as neglect makes me think that you haven't actually read Ferber's book. I strongly recommend that you do; the data and model of sleep that he describes will be useful even if you still reject his technique.
A similar, but less aggressive technique is described in this book which you may find more palatable.
The kids I nannied for (2 and 5) were amazing sleepers. When I found out I was pregnant I asked their mom what magic she used. She gave me this book. https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593 I haven't read it yet, but it definitely worked for her 2 kids.
My sister did THIS ONE NOT THE OTHER BOOK I POSTED because she realized that she needed to set limits from when the baby was very very young. All of her kids went through the baby boot camp and now every single night she has alone with her husband. They make time for one another and that is a huge priority to them. I think people go into parenthood blind and wind up feeling overwhelmed because they are tired and running around and in pain (from birth). This is normal but it is so easy to slip into forgetting you also have a partner and friends and family that you just become "mom". He doesn't want to be with "mom" he wants to be with the girl he fell in love with.
So coming from a perspective as someone who is dating, I kept reading horror stories about how single moms have dating profiles that say things like "my kid comes first and if you've got a problem with that keep walking!!!!!". That is such an ugly vibe to give off. Your kids will one day grow up and leave you but your partner is there for life (hopefully). If you don't nurture that relationship for years because of a baby it WILL go to shit and it WILL end. The same is true for if you are with their father. That relationship is so important. Especially for your kid. If you and the father are happy, the baby will be happy.
edit: changed the book. I had it wrong. :)
We were in somewhat a similar situation. What worked for us was getting a toddler bed and a baby gate and sleep training her in her toddlerproofed room. We used this "least-cry" approach:
The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0757305601/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_byk-AbKBN0EXZ
If you're in the same room you could probably use the same method, but I'm not sure what you'd do about her waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to get in bed with you.
The Sleep Easy Solution if you haven't read it is straight up cheating.
I used a Merlin Magic Suit for the transition from swaddle to sleep sack. It helped a lot for us, but I know for other babies it did nothing. That was also around the time when we decided to sleep train. working and getting up 4-5x a night was manageable at first, but as my lack of sleep built up I could feel myself becoming unstable and an emotional mess. I've had a lot of success with Precious Little Sleep and my sisters have with their babies as well. We all BF as well. Good luck!!! In the meantime, lots of coffee <3
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Editing to add: Since it may be awesome and it may be a crapshoot, I would recommend getting a second hand Merlin suit. I wouldn't have paid full price. I borrowed one for my first then bought one second hand which is now hanging out in the closet for whenever I have another.
They actually aren't, and instead those parts of the brain that make you "You" are actually VERY active and doing their job.
I read a book called "Why We Sleep" (highly recommended!) and in part of it the author talked about dreaming, and it was so enlightening! If I remember this correctly, the first part of sleep when you have no dreams, is where your body is repairing itself and your brain is committing to memory things that you learned that day. The dreaming part is your brain connecting things you learned today with things you already knew in the past, which to me seems so cool and which must be why even when my dreams make no sense, I can often pick out mundane stuff I encountered the day prior.
It may help to try to frame sleeping and dreaming as biochemical processes, not existential or spiritual ones. Reading more about sleep might also help you to consider it in a more detached manner, and hopefully make it less stressful. I wish you best of luck!
Why we sleep
Recent scientific research conducted by renowned neurologists has essentially proven that the shorter your sleep, the shorter your lifespan.
We are only now beginning to fully realize just how much damage even a week of sleep deprivation has on an individual. u/just-home, I suggest this bestseller if you're interested in making everyday life a lot better :)
Please don't pull all-nighters. If we're talking studying, work, or whatever, you'll be more efficient the next day and get more done than you would ever have gotten done during said all-nighter. It's a genuinely stupid, inefficient thing to do.
Copying a comment I made earlier today.
Everyone’s saying that the doctor’s wrong, and I get why. However, conquering depression, as a rule, does mean that you have to try despite how bleak things feel.
Know what’s empirically a good idea. I dont care if you shave, but shower once a day. Get your nutrients. People are in worse positions than you are and you should feel gratitude in that. Other practices are important too but a smidge unorthodox. Meditation is great and there is an app on iOS and Android called Waking Up that has made an enormous impact on countless people. If you cannot afford an account, they will make you an account for free and if after a year you can’t yet afford it, email them once more for another year of membership.
Email: [email protected]
Also, get an app that tracks your sleep. Android iOS
Do not forsake your sleep. It’s not cool. The middle class merely bought into it being “cool.” If you need some science here’s a book that knows its shit. If your depression is fucking you then get it on Audible with a free trial or listen, listen, listen. This is no small thing.
Forget your weight. Are you fat? So? Why does that matter? Americans are fat. I’m fat. Eat better. Smoothie. Try doing some exercises because it feels good to be limber or some cardio because your brain feels GREAT once you do. If your joints are fucked go swimming. Pay for a membership or use your school. They’re probably billing you to keep the lights on anyway.
Why do you think labeling yourself as a coward is a good thing? Genuinely, why? Even subconsciously, why? You have to choose to be better. The pills or this doctor will never ever fix your problems. Look, all of this was typed out in the bathroom. I’m on the can and I believe in you. And my ass hurts so im going to stop here, but I have more information and I will reply to you if you want to take this further. Ask your questions.
Sleep.
Add this book to your to-read list for later, it explains why sleep is actually more productive than pulling an all-nighter.
My nearly five-month old went through this too. Their sleep develops into a more adult sleep cycle around 16 weeks so that they get REM cycles just like we do. Before 16 weeks they just went into a deep sleep right away, but now when they awake during the lighter phases of sleep, they don't know how to put themselves back to bed.
What worked for our family was moving our little one to his own room once we got the ok from our pediatrician. We also moved his bedtime earlier, starting the routine (bath, massage, book) at around 5:30pm and having him in his crib asleep at 6pm.
He was waking up every 2 hours before we made these changes, now he only wakes up once or twice a night to feed.
ETA: https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/151136145X
This book is super helpful. Also, at 4 mos, assuming your kiddo is at a healthy weight, he shouldn't be waking up >2x for hunger.
This one is sooooo much better. http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Breastfeeding/dp/0345518470
I work in maternal fetal health and there is some concern about some of Karps recommendations (like swaddling which can lead to overheating and immobilize baby -- both of which increase SIDS). This is the one I recommend for my patients.
We followed the instructions in the book 12 hours' sleep by 12 weeks old. Sure, we bent the rules, but I'd say we stuck to it around 80% of the time. And, instead of 12 weeks, we probably ended it around 4 or 5 months. At the end, our kids were down to one wake up incident per night, so we furburized (spelling?) that out. From 6 months on (my kids are 6 and 3 now), both kids go to bed when we tell them, sleep through the night with zero issues, and never have a single problem getting up in the morning. Things in that department worked out better than I ever hoped for.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0757305601/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QV6rDbGPZM1G9
This book worked really well for us. Your situation is complicated by the fact you don't have your child every night.
I suggest you find out what the bedtime routine is at the other house and mirror it to the extent possible. Then be consistent.
Also, when you put them to bed and they get up, just like the other commenter said, be as calm and boring as possible. No extra songs or stories, no extra snacks or watching the show until the next commercial. Just calmly redirect back to bed. We counted seventeen times one night with my daughter but after a couple days of that, she's not had a problem in the last four years. Nothing to see here, may as well go to sleep.
For crying I found myself comfortable with something short of total cry it out. This idea is from that book and it strikes a balance between "I love you and don't want to see you suffer" and "you are a competent human who can put himself to sleep." We chose an interval, two minutes for us, and let her cry that long before going into her room. Didn't pick her up or do anything extra, just said "daddy is here, will still be here when you wake up, I love you goodnight." Then left and let her cry for four minutes. Repeated the process, adding two minutes each time. The longest we ever went was sixteen minutes and then she never really cried at bedtime again. My daughter was much younger so you may choose a longer interval and expect to have to do it over a few more nights with a two year old.
If crying and screaming sometimes works, think of it like the lottery, he'll keep playing but if it never works he'll eventually stop.
I highly recommend your checking out this recent book, Why We Sleep. It's stuffed full of studies from recent decades showing the vast importance for the physiological and psychological effects of sleep, and warns of all kinds of bad things that happen when short sleep occurs, impacting memory, learning, the immune system, and so on. I point this out because if you're not getting enough sleep on a regular basis, your body is paying a heavy, heavy price. :(
I suspect advanced meditators are more susceptible to thinking that they don't need sleep because of their increased conscious power, even though the science shows that sleep is a universal necessity across the animal kingdom.
I met a black belt at a globetrotters camp who recommended Why We Sleep to me, it's a fascinating book and really changed how I view sleep and gave me a renewed focus on getting enough sleep.
I would recommend the book Why We Sleep. It really changed my thoughts on sleep. I now consider sleep the most important thing you can do for your health followed by eating well and exercising. I was getting up at 5 am to run but life made it hard to be asleep by 9 pm so I ended up finding ways to fit my runs in elsewhere. 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night is incredibly important.
I recently finished reading a book called Why We Sleep that changed the way I think about it in a dramatic way.
The author (Matthew Walker) addresses the issue of insomnia and offers tips to overcome insomnia.
He talks about using a specific form of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) as a way to address underlying sleep problems instead using a band-aid approach. There are some apps for CBT-I, but I don't have any experience using them.
Looking at your situation, there are a few tips that will probably be more helpful than others. First things first: define a time to go to sleep and a time to wake up. Stick to those times every single day, even weekends. If your experience is anything like mine, it could take 4-6 weeks to get used to the change.
Next, if you're laying in bed unable to fall asleep (after 20-30 minutes), get up and do something relaxing. You want your bed to be associated with sleep and rest, not anxiety from not being about to sleep.
I often use the Sleep With Me podcast to help me fall asleep. Highly recommend giving that a try.
It's worth nothing that melatonin isn't actually effective, except in older people and while trying to deal with jet lag.
If you're a fan of the Joe Rogan podcast, the Matthew Walker episode is basically his book condensed into a two hour conversation.
ETA: Rogan podcast
List of good sleep tips
The book also goes into the negative effects of sleeping pills, as well as the incredible benefits of good sleep. Highly recommend for a better understanding of what is going on and things you can do to make the changes.
Exactly. I am a mother and long time day care teacher. One of the first things I suggest to parents who ask for help is: SLEEP. Kids, especially under the age of 3, need A LOT more sleep that you would initially think. I-Dont_Draw is totally right about the 1-2 hours... Except at one month, I think it may be even less. It's hard work, but your child will grow out of it.
Everything I've read and heard recommends "sleep training" at 4 months. This does not have to mean CIO (although that works wonders for some families). It only means setting a schedule and starting to teach your infant positive sleep habits for the health and safety of everyone in the house. Babies need to learn to get GOOD sleep versus LONG sleep in order for their brains to grow and develop in the proper way. Not to mention a baby who is not getting the proper amount of sleep will be TERRIBLY fussy. The hugest thing I took away from this, in my own experience, was putting baby to bed still slightly awake. It took my daughter almost no time to learn to soothe herself and go to sleep on her own. I chose not to do Cry it Out, but I was firm in my bedtime routine and the no getting back out rule. If she cried, I'd try to wait 1-3 minutes, then I'd go back in and soothe her without taking her out of the crib. Sometimes, I had to do this 3-5 times before she would sleep, but in a week or so, she got it. She would even start fussing and straining against me if I was rocking her and she got too tired. She wanted to go lay down. We're to the point now (she'll be one year on Monday) that when it's nap or bedtime, we read, snuggle a bit, then she gets in her bed. I cover her up, make sure she has an ample number of stuffed animals (she won't sleep alone in there!), and that's it. Sometimes she sings a little song to herself, but then goes right out with a smile on her face.
What this means for you... I wouldn't worry too much about a schedule at this point. Newborn time is CRAZY SURVIVAL time. Just make sure that little one is getting many naps during the day and make sure you're both eating well. I started a bedtime routine with my girl early like you're doing, and I'd recommend that. Mine had her days and nights backwards for weeks and that was one thing that helped turn it around. Once he/she gets a little older, setting a schedule will be easier and might actually work.
I would also HIGHLY recommend the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Even if you choose to ignore some of his tips, the medical info on biological needs is priceless. It really helped me understand what was going on with my own kid and I did take some of his tips to heart. The one I really push is... "Sleep begets sleep." My girl was going to bed at 7:30/8pm and waking at 5:30/6am. It was just SO early. I read this book, and he recommended moving bedtime earlier. We did. Now, she goes to bed right at 7pm and sleeps till 7am or 7:30am every. Single. Day. It doesn't seem to make sense, but then he explains the science behind it, and boom. Magic.
Good luck!
EDIT: That book also has tips on how to set a schedule and sample ones by age too!
We used this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
The first step is to get their daytime feedings to 4 hours apart. We went from 6 4oz bottles to 4 6oz bottles. They started sleeping longer stretches immediately.
We started hitting a routine around 6-7 weeks, and it really gelled around 8 weeks. Before that it was chaos. We've been using this method. He'll be 11 weeks old on Tuesday, and he's been sleeping 9-10 hours at night.
I've been there. You previously had a good routine so there's no much to add since you know how it's done. It will get easier in a few months as your child gets older and start sleeping through the night. This book will help to keep you and your partner sane: https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800/.
I didn’t have a nanny in my plan, either! I can only say it’s a mix between you getting used to less sleep, and making sure the baby is getting enough. I can not say enough how much this book changed my world: healthy sleep habits happy child. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553394800/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1517599049&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=healthy+sleep+habits+happy+child&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=51LFPG307GL&amp;ref=plSrch
I started it when my first baby was 2 wks old and am still devoted to it after my second child.
It gets SO MUCH better!
If you've been co-sleeping don't jump straight to Ferberizing.
I read maybe 7 or 8 sleep training books that ran the gambit from Weisenbluth Extinction method, and Ferberizing Cry it Out, to the Dr. Sears cosleep until they don't want to or Sleep lady shuffle out of the room.
We eventually choose the Sleepeasy Solution from Waldburger and Spivak. It's not too extreme on either end. It does, however, take preparation and planning. You analyze sleep patterns and habits first and then make a plan that works for your family. We felt like the analysis and planning before was what made the sleep training part work in about 2 nights. It took awhile but my LO sleeps like a champ now.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Sleepeasy-Solution-Exhausted-Parents/dp/0757305601
Big recommendation for the book and website:
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com
Precious Little Sleep: The Complete Baby Sleep Guide for Modern Parents https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997580801/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SGOODb1G4PB9N
Off topic but you should considering swapping some of that exercise for more sleep. Source: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
>so I take her downstairs and let her watch tv while I doze on the sofa
This was me until my favorite sleep book told me that it was the root of the problem. They get excited for tv and wake up earlier and earlier to watch it.
There is NO tv in our house before 10am anymore. EVER.
We also started ignoring her crying between 4 and 6 am - basically the hours between up with a nightmare/diaper/whatever and a reasonable amount of sleep to get overnight (11 hours is my number, but I prefer 12). Worked like magic for us. She started to play quietly in her room until as late as 9 (oops!).
Not really a CIO primer, but helpful - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was amazing for us...and almost everyone I know.
We started with 'gentle' CIO at 6 months. In the crib, after 5-10 minutes of crying I'd go soothe her, rinse repeat.
It worked, then she got a cold so there was more soothing and cuddles and when we tried to go back she figured out that 5 minutes of crying = mom, so we upped it to 10-15 minutes. Worked, then travel, figured that one out so 15-20 minutes. Same, so we were forced to go hardcore.
Basically, anything can disrupt her sleep - sickness, travel, family in town, etc - and we have to spend 1-3 days getting back on track when things settle down. I don't go in for anything and she will eventually put herself to sleep. It sounds awful (and well, it requires wine and a shower) but if I go in for the incremental soothing she just goes longer that night and for the following nights and it's worse for everyone. She'll cry herself out in 30 minutes or so and be golden until the next sleep hiccup.
I'm not sure, but I'm seriously considering just doing the hardcore sleep training at 6-7 months with our next baby. It's really just whether you want to rip the band-aid off fast or slow.
I vaguely recall this phase. I can't remember what solved it, but know it will pass...and please for the love of anyone who hasn't read it yet, read this book. This man works miracles. 100% that's how I got through dropping the second nap. and every other sleep crisis we've had.
healthy sleep habits, happy child
The sleep lady’s gentle sleep training worked wonders. I was bed sharing then transitioned to crib when my son was about a year.
In her book she has a step by step guide for each age range. Her site has great tips and videos too!
The book is: https://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Lady%C2%AEs-Good-Night-Tight/dp/1593155581
Edit to add, you really must fully commit to one method and prep for it for it to really work. I tried a couple others too but couldn’t stand to let him cry and cry. With the gentle sleep training I was able to comfort him and he didn’t cry.
there are benefits to cosleeping.
If it doesn't work for you it doesn't, but I jus thought you would like to read some research from the person who is the leader in actually conducting cosleeping studies.
First, if you are actually talking to a podiatrist that might explain why you feel that keeping her feet covered at night is some type of requirement... /humor
Seriously, do not take her to a psychologist. Children NEED boundaries and a routine in the same way you need to feel like you have a roof over your head. You need to stop negotiating with her and be the parent. I encourage you to re-read all of the constructive comments you got in your previous post -- there is an awful lot of good stuff there and it sounds like you only did the "easy" stuff. You turned off the TV and bought a blanket but it doesn't sound like you changed your behavior or the way you are treating your daughter.
Why is it so important to you that she is covered at night? Not everyone likes blankets or sheets -- my daughter NEVER leaves covers on her. We usually check on her after she's asleep and cover her back up, but she just flings them off again. She's almost three and perfectly healthy. Just because her feet are cold at night doesn't mean she is going to get pneumonia.
When we transitioned our daughter from a crib to a toddler bed at 2 she had similar issues staying in bed. We would put her in bed and explain to her like an adult that she had to sleep in her bed and why she had to sleep in her bed, give her a hug and kiss and leave. When she got out of bed we would not say anything to her, but pick her up and tuck her back in bed. This would go on and on over and over. She thought of it as a game until 30 or 40 minutes went by and she started getting tired. Eventually she would either stay in bed or start crying.
This took several days or weeks of following the routine until she just stayed in bed at night. Sometimes I would sit outside of her door with the door cracked, out of her sight but close enough that she knows I'm always near by. I think this helped her quite a bit. The key is that you have to be the enforcer of the rules. You can not get upset or angry, and switch off with your spouse as needed to stay sane. You do not negotiate with a toddler. You set the boundaries and they constantly push on them. I think engaging professional help for something like this would do more harm than good.
We subscribed to the Baby Wise methodology for our infant and try to follow our own version of Supernanny. I highly recommend both.
Naps are not an efficient substitute to lost sleep during the night. They are a great supplement to proper sleep though.
Check out the JRE with Matthew Walker or just Matthew Walkers book , "Why We Sleep"
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A therapist with experience in CBT-I can help you. CBT-I is the most effective treatment for sleep disorders, even compared to pills. Avoid pills: they don't put you into restful sleep; they just knock you out. Check out Why We Sleep to learn a lot more about sleep, sleep disorders, and what you can do.
This isn't actually true; there's a pretty equitable distribution across human populations of early sleepers and late sleepers, for reasons that would have been very advantageous to group survival when we were all sleeping in a cave or field surrounded by potential predators. But in the contemporary world, folks with delayed phase sleep suffer a slew of health disorders because they're forced to conform to early sleeper patterns. (If you're interested, this is explained in a great recent book by a doctor who specializes in sleep research.)
All kids need to nap during the day but if he only gets catnaps, that counts at this age. My 5 month old takes lots of cat caps (after nursing) and she's the happiest thing in the world! I've tried to put her down for longer naps when I can and longest she'll sleep for is about 50 min and that's only after 15 - 20 min of nursing!
As they start to get more active and get more stimuli, they need time to process or they get overtired and their evening sleep suffers, which is why the books tell you to start naps when they do - I found this book pretty useful, if you haven't read this one yet.
But, I think you can read your kid and go with your gut.
Hello fellow twin mom with the same due date as me. :-)
My MIL just sent us a book on sleep training twins: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. I haven't had a chance to really dive into it yet, but a number of twin parents have recommended it to me thus far. Good luck!
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins saved my life.
Seconded, you might want to look into the Safe Sleep Seven and the Book Sweet Sleep for some best practices.
I'm cannot recommend The Happy Sleeper HIGHLY ENOUGH. Changed my world and saved my sanity. Its an easy read, approachable, and the method feels very gentle and intuitive, so the steps came very natural to me and LO both. This is the only method I've ever used so I feel strongly about it. I am purely repeating what one book says and what works well for my family.
You're spot on with the laying groundwork idea about establishing healthy sleep habits. The Newborn (0-4 months) chapter in The Happy Sleeper breaks it down into some basic ideas. (My summary will not do it justice, I highly suggest you pick up the book, but here goes.)
Newborn sleep is expected to be erratic because their nervous system and internal clock are immature. Just bear with it, it won't last long. There will be day-night confusion because they are used to Mom's chemical signals telling them what time of day was. Now they're developing a new sense of cues and signals of day-night.
Tips: Expose baby to sunlight during the day, go for a walk in the morning, darken the lights and household activity at night, use soft voices in the evening, etc.
Around 4-6 weeks, babies "wake up" from their sleepy potato-like state and their awareness of the world broadens very quickly. All this new information and awareness can be scary and alarming and all this new input is freaking them out, man! Sleep is hard to come by because while the brain is developing, the nervous system that regulates sleep hasn't quite caught up yet. Stick with a good day/night routine or habits. Help the brain along, help them learn.
Around 8 weeks, this is when the magic happens. Many babies start (mercifully) stringing together one long stretch at night (4-8 hours). Pay attention! This is the sign! Your baby's circadian rhythm is starting to develop and baby's brain is going, "Hey! Night time! I know what to do here!" This stretch will probably land around 6:00-7:00 pm. THIS IS THE TIME. This is when its time to move up bedtime to 7:00-7:30. Prolonging bedtime to a later more "adult" time (9:00-10:00) results in a "witching hour" which leads to overtired fussiness and you do not want to deal with that business.
Naps at this stage are pretty easy to nail down- 90 minutes of wake cycles. That's it. When baby gets up in the morning, start the clock. 90 minutes later, its time for a nap. Build your naps around a 90 minute wake cycle, regardless of how long the naps are. After a few weeks of this, the timing should start to sync up and you'll start to see your baby's natural rhythm take shape and form a schedule. Important not to hold them to the clock per se, but rather a timer. Babies aren't ready for a clock-based schedule until around 6 months.
The book has so much more fantastic info about sleep environments, nap and bedtime routines, and also a really approachable explanation of the science as to why all of this works. Its a great mindset to get into and helps frame the day and night behaviors of your baby as a developmental progression. It taught me what I can do to help my baby grow and thrive through these stages, help her develop important skills at appropriate times, while maintaining my own sanity and health. I wish you the best of luck. Please let me know if I can be of any help. We are on night 2 of proper sleep training tonight (Chapter 4: The Sleep Wave!), so all the earlier stuff is still fresh for me. Happy sleeping!
1- I highly, highly recommend 'the happy sleeper'. It provides a really good breakdown on what is involved physically, emotionally and mentally with children's sleep. It provides a guide for helping your child learn to self soothe, how to take a step back and let them figure out sleep for themselves and eventually also training them. It starts off with a 'sleep ladder' before you actually start training, in order to help your kids learn to sleep while not getting in their way. Once your kid is a certain weight and is ready (this varies from kid to kid) you can move on to actual sleep training. Four months might be a bit young, typically the recommendation is 6 months (though we started at 5 and a half on the reco of our pediatrician and it was fine).
Building a solid routine and helping them navigate their own self soothing techniques is critical to infant sleep. Your routine should be exactly the same every night, regardless of your routine. Ours is change to PJ's, massage, quick feed, story, song/dance and then sleep. Once you get to that point you can try their 'sleep wave' technique to get them to sleep through the night.
BTW I discovered that sleep training is highly polarizing on reddit (and elsewhere?) and people have feelings about it. I land solidly on the side of the data available, which overwhelmingly says that teaching your kid how to safely sleep by themselves early in life leads to healthy sleep habits later.
2- For sleep sacks and 'fussiness', reading 'the happy sleeper' really helped me re-evaluate what I saw as 'fussiness'. What tends to happen is they'll fall asleep safely in your arms and will wake up in a new environment, and basically go: "Hey, this isn't how I fell asleep!" The book (and most other techniques) recommend putting your baby down half drowsy so they wake up in the same environment they fall asleep in. The 'fussy' part, where they kick and move around and flail, this can be part of your baby learning how to self-soothe. My daughter used to do this and would raise her legs up and hold them up against the sides of the crib - I thought she was just being really fussy and this wasn't comfortable so I would gently move them down. MISTAKE. This is how she self-soothes! She does it 4 months after sleep training and it's part of her own routine.
3 - I don't think there are any recommended medications to help kids sleep. Babies sleep like garbage after the first few months until they learn how to self-soothe and you sleep train them (or they eventually learn on their own). It's just life, I'm afraid.
Also about the pillow - unless your baby actually has flat head and this is something your doctor prescribed, I would absolutely not have it in the crib. The WHO and many other orgs are very clear about this - nothing should be in the crib except your baby, safely in their sleep sack. That's it. If this is a 'preventative' measure you have to carefully weigh the small odds of possibly getting flat head (and you'll know it if it happens and it's very easy to treat) vs the very real dangers of having anything that can harm your babies breathing, be it through covering them or putting them into a position they can't get out of. Also you said your baby is fussy and moving around a lot - they won't get flat head if they're doing this!
8-1 is a good stretch at least! This sounds similar to our story. We stuck it out until I went back to work (around 5m). Then when it became clear that she wasn't waking for milk but rather for her pacifier, we decided to sleep train using the happy sleeper method. Hope you find something that works! Sorry all your friends babies are unicorns!
It's not for everyone, but I've been loosely following The Baby Sleep Solution (http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Sleep-Solution-Program/dp/0399532919). It moves to a large feed every four hours and an eat-play-sleep cycle that may be helpful, especially if they need to get out of a snack-mode. My boys are 22 weeks this week and we've been using that schedule since 16 weeks when we felt like it was a mess of short naps and snacks.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0399532919/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1498561362&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;pi=SL75_QL70&amp;amp;keywords=baby+sleep+solution
Check out this book, it's really short and worked wonders in my house!! My obgyn recommended it to me before i left hospital...It's all about routine and trying to feed more in the day so they want less at night...
It is really hard when they are sick! But I think there are some basic bad habits that need to be broken and stuck with. We stuck with the recommendations in the 12 hours sleep by 12 week old book and really tried not to go back to bad habits once they are broken. It is definitely time to stop letting the babies fall asleep on you. I am a big believer in humidifiers for sick babies and Motrin before bed for teething babies. If you do have to go in try to comfort while leaving them in the crib. Sing and pat their back to help them calm down and then leave them to soothe themselves back to sleep. Of course there are exceptions for really miserable babies but try not to do it multiple nights in a row and get right back to the routine.
Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step Plan for Baby Sleep Success https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525949593/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_6DjBub1RTXSFJ
As a baby nurse who's worked with hundreds of babies including multiples (2, 3, 4 and even 5!) I LOVE the book "Twelve Hours Sleep By Twelve Weeks Old" written by Suzy Giordano.
No idea about the head thing. Probably fine? Ask your doc.
According to Dr. Weissbluth newborns need to be put to sleep after 2 hours of wakefulness or earlier at the first sign of sleepiness. Being awake for more then two hours at a time makes a newborn overtired. He also warns that fussiness peaks at 6 weeks and even easy babies may be more fussy and harder to console about this age. It shall pass. Around 8 weeks sleep starts to normalize.
Dr. Weissbluth also writes to never wake a sleeping baby. Personaly, as our little bug originally had day night reversal we did practice the wake her if she was sleeping past 3 hours in the middle of the day (this was a night stretch that belongs at night, and off different medical advice) but you should not just stop babies from napping.
Have you looked at the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 Ss? (Google it.) You can watch the DvD or even just youtube videos if you don't want to read the whole book, or first to get the general idea. There are baby soothing startgies and Dr. Karp claims they work better together. For example adding swaddling, white noise, and/or a pacifier might make your baby do better with bouncing. We did find the swaddling, shaking, and shushing shockingly effective on our newborn. (She doesn't like pacifiers.) Also, early on swaddling helped with sleep a lot.
Edit: Here is a video of Dr Karp's 5 Ss on Dr Phil. Also, instead of the blanket husband and I used the Halso Sleepsack Swadles and they were great. Much easier/fast then a balanket, good for baby's hips as they are tight around the torso but loose on hips/legs, and also allow you to switch to arms out at 2.5 months when she started sucking her hands to slef-sooth.
I will say this; every child is different.
We tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, followed it meticulously, and it was a complete failure. Decided to do the The Sleepeasy Solution and within two nights, he was sleeping the night. Now he's sleeping 11 hours a night.
We used The Sleepeasy Solution for sleep training and it went really well. Basically it's just a modified cry it out method with check ins at 5, 10, and then every 15 minutes after that. Supposedly it's most helpful for naps if you also work on night sleep at the same time. I don't know if you are ready/want to stop co-sleeping though. But it sounds like he needs to learn to fall sleep on his own without nursing, which is the goal of sleep training.
EDIT: I have heard that it's much tougher if you are switching from co-sleeping to crib sleeping though. We never co-slept so unfortunately I can't give any advice in that area.
You'll get your groove. A lot of times I kicked my husband out of bed or slept in the guest room. He snores so friggin loud and I have no advice for that.
I highly recommend this sleep training book I'll link below. Start at about five months. We tried a few methods with my son before landing on this one and it's the best method. If you switch to formula, you have to get the baby brezza. It's like a keurig. Bottle in ten seconds.
The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0757305601/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_FsNyyb2TQ2WD2
Recommendations kind of vary, tbh. It's so easy to get information overload with sleep training stuff (or any baby related stuff, really). I read a few different books, the one I like the best and still use the most is called Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief. If you buy the book you get access to their Facebook group too, and it's very active.
I hear you, this baby stuff is hard. I just always try to keep in mind that I'm doing the best I can with what I have in the moment, which is often not much (especially these days since PPMD decided to wait until a few weeks ago to show up. FUN TIMES).
If your serious about moving her to the crib, but don't want to do straight CIO you could try a more gradual sleep training method. I would suggest reading the Precious Little Sleep book,
Precious Little Sleep: The Complete Baby Sleep Guide for Modern Parents https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997580801/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_KKMGzbQ2DT9Z8
It has a section on how to transition from co sleeping to a bassinet or sidecar crib and then slowly moving the crib to another room when you're ready for that. Also, tons of info on baby sleep. Basically you would start to slowly have baby sleeping further and further away from you until baby is sleeping in the crib. Then slowly remove yourself from the situation until they can go to sleep by themselves. There will be some crying. You have become your baby's sleep association her whole life. So anything other than what she's used to will be frustrating, but you don't just have to leave her to cry alone. You can lay with her and pat her or rub her chest while she figures it out, and then slowly do less and less until she can do it on her own. It is hard, and will take some time. I'd say around a month if you're really consistent. CIO is usually much faster, but if you aren't comfortable with letting her cry alone there is nothing wrong with using a different approach. It's whatever is best for you and your family. Learning anything new can be hard and frustrating, but I believe it is our responsibility as parents to help teach our children how to sleep so that they are well rested. Most kids won't just one day learn how to sleep well. You have to let them figure it out.
How's your sleep?
Chronic sleep deprivation (meaning a habit of less than 8 hours a night) will shred even a non-ADHD-brain's ability to focus. Starting with an ADHD brain means you get seriously impaired that much quicker.
I can speak from experience over the past few years of getting only 6-7 hours on average (on purpose, to treat my sleep disorder, but WOW what a cost). I felt like I was losing my mind and stuff like reading novels or learning was impossible most days, where before I inhaled books like nothing. Even dropped out of college because the slight burden of a part-time course was annihilating me.
I've changed my schedule to let myself sleep more and noticed a small difference so far. There's a useful introductory book that came out recently and goes into the science of sleep; https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
I've been reading through it, very slowly, and it's won me over to prioritising 8 hours of sleep as my main health goal right now. Might not help everyone but if you're not sleeping enough that would affect anyone so it may be somewhere to start.
I highly recommend learning more about the critical importance of sleep. Sleep apnea is not innocuous. It increases your risk for cardiovascular events and neurodegenerative disorders. Here's one of the best books, if not the best, on the subject: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
and here's a three-part podcast with the author that is incredibly informative: https://peterattiamd.com/matthewwalker1/
Somewhere in their they talk about dopamine's role in memory formation and how that, among other mechanisms, is involved with sleep deprivation and memory loss. But yea, do your best to lose weight. Let me know if you want any direction there.
The guy talking, Matthew Walker, authored this book. It goes into a lot of detail on the mechanisms you're referring to.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
I can recommend his book "Why We Sleep"(https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316)
Not that it fixed my sleep problems, but it's a good read/listen!
There is no substitute for 8 hours of sleep per night. If you need evidence, here's evidence: Why We Sleep
Yo do not need a sleep substitute, you need a non-negotiable daily 8 hour sleep opportunity and your husband needs to get on baord with that. I would have a sit down with him where you explain this is a health issue and brainstorm ways to make this workable. Maybe having a teenager come as a mother's helper in the mornings would help. Maybe he needs more opportunities for time for himself. Maybe you need to work on finding a day job eventually. Anyway, focus on those opportunities, not ways to cheat yourself out of even more sleep.
ETA: Just wondering if the 3yo and 1yo are sleeping well. Maybe your husband is grouching because he is sleep deprived too? Getting him some daytime help so he can take a nap may really help even if you have to stretch the budget for several months.
This is actually a genetic thing that people have little to no control over. You are preprogrammed to be a night owl, a morning person, or somewhere in between. Source: Why We Sleep -- https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
The way I understand die-off type reactions is that they mean that your detoxification pathways are overwhelmed...not necessarily that lots of things are dying (but it may be both). Medications, natural or otherwise, can be harsh and may need to be processed by our liver or other detox pathways.
So, before we start trying to kill things, I think it's wise to try and support our detoxification pathways. We also need to work to support our immune system that will naturally kill (or at least make them weaker to supplements) things like candida even without external supplements or medication that.
So - once this "die off/dextox pathway overwhelm" stops - or even before then - I would look very deeply these aspects of your life:
Dr. McKenna's Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory is another great source for evidence-based and clear best practices (OP, you might not need this as much but I wanted to add this to the list of mentioned sites). I highly recommend it, as well as his book.
My parents did bedsharing with all of us, but even so I was a little nervous about the prospect of it! But after reading McKenna's book and browsing the website resources, I feel much more informed and comfortable about the prospect of bedsharing (if it works for baby), and ready to take on the naysayers because there's plenty of evidence that when done safely it's a great sleep practice!
Have you tried bed sharing and side lying nursing? It's safer than sleeping sitting up in a chair or on the couch and you'll get better sleep too. Here's a good resource for it - https://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Your-Baby-Parents-Cosleeping/dp/1930775342
For actual pregnancy, I loved the American college of obstetrics and gynecology's book and I know a lot of people loved the mayo clinic book.
Planning for Pregnancy, Birth And Beyond: Second Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525941401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_PLZHAbPZ6V85C
Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy: From Doctors Who Are Parents, Too! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1561487171/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tMZHAbRTF0RMQ
I also read what to expect when your expecting but it was a lot of the same info in my apps, except the actual birth and labor part. There was some helpful stuff in there!
For laboring I read Ina May's guide to Childbirth and I LOVED it. I feel SO prepared after reading it!
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_VNZHAbQ7T2S9D
I tried to read
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452276594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_HOZHAbRC89D39
But I couldn't take it seriously!
And for breastfeeding I read
The American Academy of Pediatrics New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding (Revised Edition): Completely Revised and Updated Third Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399181989/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_9PZHAbSMPXVX9
And for baby feeding and sleeping I read
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_JQZHAbS5P7824
We went with the Shenandoah University Childcare Center. It’s off of exit 315. You don’t have to be a student or faculty to get your child, but I believe you get a discount if you are, and you get to “cut in line” so to speak. We had to wait 6-9 months for an opening. I can’t really speak to any other daycare because this one was so highly recommended by family and we really liked the tour... so we never actually looked into any other daycare!
My son started when he was in the toddler class, so we didn’t see the infant or baby rooms, but in the toddler and 2’s classes he’s done very well. He eats so much better now because they (in a kind way!) tell your child basically “this is breakfast/lunch/snack, this is what you’re going to eat.” They’re always learning whether it’s about colors or numbers or just how to play together and share. You can call anytime and they always seem happy to chat about how your child is doing that day, and always take the time to talk to you about their day when picking them up. The classes especially in the youngest years are pretty small. I really love the teachers he’s had. Makayla (not sure how you spell her name...) and Katherine were both absolutely amazing in the toddler class. I felt very happy that Katherine was going to be working in the 2’s class a couple months before my son moved up to that one.
By the way, I’m sure you’ll get endless advice about parenting you never wanted, but... this book changed my life. The practices in it worked amazing with our son and he sleeps soooo well. Rest, my god.
Not sure if you've tried sleep training, but this book was a life saver for us.
Baby Wise
We spent the first 4 months soothing him to sleep multiple times throughout the night, and during naps. After a few weeks of training, he now consistently sleeps through the night, and goes down easily during nap time.
Since this is the internet and all I thought Id give you some unsolicited advise. Get this book, read it in one day, and follow it to the letter: https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1480529331&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=babywise
We did it with all 3 of our boys (current 4.5, 2, and 6 months) and all 3 were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. Seriously an amazing parenting book.
That and there is always room on the trump train for little patriots!
We used Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night - it was a slightly gentler Ferber.
We did not undertake nap training at the same time because it was a disaster after a few tries. We did what we could and he did all right. Naps took a dive (my husband ended up holding our 22-month old for upwards of THREE HOURS because he'd wake and freak out when transitioned to his crib after falling asleep in our arms) and we recently nap trained over weekends. He naps at school with no problem M-F. The first thing we did when we sleep trained (at 8 months) was create and stick to an ironclad bedtime routine: dinner, bath, pajamas, 2-3 stories, lights out for prayers and a couple of songs. We did a shortened version at nap time - make sure he's in comfortable clothes with a fresh diaper, 2-3 stories, a couple of songs. Lights out, a bit of snuggling, then lay him in his crib. The first time he cried for almost 40 minutes. The next weekend he cried for 10 minutes. The following he cried until I got to the end of the hall. This past weekend he didn't even whimper when we laid him down.
You can totally do this. You have to make your choices, steel your nerves, and make sure your partner is on the same page as you. If you have to leave the house or turn off the monitor because you can't take the crying, it's totally okay. The beginning SUCKS, but it will be worth it in the end!
https://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Through-Night-Revised-Toddlers/dp/0060742569
You're welcome! That early time is so so hard on everyone. After being pregnant for 41 and a half weeks I was SO READY to put her down and let dad take over - I was really mad in my sleep deprived delirium that she still needed me to hold her, I was like, "I've BEEN holding you this whole time! :'( " It's funny now... Anyway, my husband also found this Harvey Karp baby sleep book helpful for giving him some techniques to try on his own.
You can do it! The first few weeks I recall the baby waking every 2 hours or so to eat. It gradually gets longer, and when they sleep for 5+ hours it feels like a miracle! Just remember, it's only a phase, they will learn to sleep through the night, and you guys will quickly learn what works for your little one. The 5 s's worked great for us, especially the swaddle and shushing(white noise), the other ones are side lying/stomach (when you're holding them!), swinging, and sucking. The book "happiest baby on the block, the sleeping edition" was great for me when I was first learning the ropes. I'm 10 months in and ours sleeps 12 hours with 1 feeding before I go to bed, it's a dream come true. You'll get there!
Edit:link to the book I referred to: http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Guide-Great-Sleep/dp/0062113321
Obviously I'm in late on this but I'm all for CIO. I have done it with both of my children and we are actually the envy of our other parent friends for having children that are on a predictible, healthy sleep schedule at 4 months old. 7 weeks is too early IMO, but at 4 months give it a shot. It's hard to let them cry at all, believe me I know, but we aren't talking an hour of crying. I used this book and this book to guide me. We did co-sleep until 4 months and then went into CIO (modified I suppose, but you'll see that in the books). Within 3 days my daughter was sleeping through the night at 4 months old. My son took about the same amount of time. My daughter is now 3 and still takes a midday nap and goes to bed around 8pm, sleeps through the night and wakes alert and happy. My son is 16 months and wakes up around 7am, naps at 10am-12:30pm, then again some days from 3:30-5:00pm, then goes down for the ENTIRE night at 7 or 8pm. We have video monitors so yes, I know they are sleeping.....not waking up crying and falling back asleep.
CIO gets a bad rep, but for us it has been wonderfully effective.
My maternal instincts didn't kick in for so long. I felt like I hanging off the edge of a mountain and slipping a little more every day. I was numb when my first arrived, and it was just bizarre that someone handed me this thing and said I had to take care of it now.
I had a lot of problems breastfeeding. My hormones were totally trashed (which took me 6 months to discover). I cried a lot. She cried a lot. It took until 6-8 weeks, when things got better for us in terms of feeding (AKA accepting I had to supplement forever) and when she started being less of a potato. The "100 days of Darkness" were the worst.
My daughter's now 2.5. I love her to death. She's thriving and healthy, so I guess at some point my maternal instincts kicked in. I still get those days of "what is this kid doing in my house?"
But my only real advice is study up hardcore on breastfeeding (if you want to do it) -- take a class, read a book, find a support group. It really helps. Plan to attend said support group at least once a week after birth, because that's the quickest way to getting problems diagnosed. Plus, socialization. The other thing I always suggest is reading a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, or a similiar sleep book. The sooner you can get a handle on sleeping, the better off everything is.
Try not to worry; if you're already worried about what kind of mom you're going to be, my bet is that you'll be a great one. :)
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
You're only just entering the time when you can start to really get results on sleep, so don't feel you're behind.
Until you get the book: Spreadsheet with one row for each day. Put in as many columns for down | up | down | up | down as you think you'll need + 1. Then add a column to calc the total sleep for that day.
Fill this in for a while and you will see trends in when the baby sleeps and how much. Just record for about a week and don't try to accomplish anything specific.
Next, you game the system by working on the down times, shifting them by small increments (like 15 minutes) to the times you want, and ultimately collapsing some of the sleep sessions together.
Do not try to game the system by working the wake-up time. It should be a natural function of the time they go to sleep and how much sleep they need. Always let them sleep. Never wake them up in an effort to change the sleep pattern.
This saved my butt. I wish I had done it as early as 3 mos.
PM me if you're too tire to make the spreadsheet. I'll be glad to set one up.
Whatever allows you to survive the first 6 weeks is all good.
Edited to add: This book saved me - showed me what was "normal" sleep patterns by week so I didn't feel like I was messing anything up. It then gives an indication of reasonable nap schedules once the baby is a little older. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345486455/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
You're going to get a lot of advice that is great for singletons. However, as you know, twins is a very different story... my wife and I just had twin girls and this book has been recommended to us by several people in my local Twin Parent facebook group. https://www.amazon.ca/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Twins/dp/0345497791
To get them on a schedule, when A wakes up, wake B up. Feed at the same time (or one after another). Put them to sleep at the same time. "Never wake a sleeping baby, except with twins".
As others have said, reach out for help... friends, family, or paid help (night nurse, etc.).
We ST my son at 7 MO and never had to retrain. Maybe after an illness there's a night or two of bad sleep (since I often let him sleep on me in our glider if he's sick) but it never warranted full re-training. For my family, it was the best decision we ever made. 26 MO now and still sleeps very, very well. We used The Happy Sleeper method and it worked wonders for both naps and nighttime sleep.
I would purchase this book. https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Sleeper-Science-Backed-Helping-Sleep-Newborn/dp/0399166025/ref=nodl_ We used this method to sleep train our 6 month old daughter. It goes over weaning night feedings and check-ins for crying are never longer than 5 minutes! It’s a great book and I feel definitely suits all your criteria and needs.
Edit. If you don’t want to purchase the book, research sleep wave method.
Get the following:
When the pediatrician comes to check in on the baby while at the hospital, ask TONS of questions. They don't mind and it will make you feel better. That's what you're paying them for!!
Finally, relax and enjoy. They are tougher than they look.
My son was waking up to eat around 5 times a night and a friend told me to read The baby sleep solution and it saved my life!! It basically is a guide on how to ween your baby off the night time feedings.. The technique is to influence him to eat more during the day and decrease the amount of milk you give him by a half ounce every 4 nights. It helps to keep a log of what times and how much he eats. It will be tough for the first few nights but every night will get easier.
I have a 9 month old. It gets better soon! It’s all about getting the feeding schedule right. Try https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sleep-Solution-Proven-Program/dp/0399532919#
Also look back a few posts at my post about a Westchester Dad’s group.
I know there are several conflicting opinions about sleep training. I got this [book] (http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step-/dp/0525949593/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1372162648&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=twelve+hours+sleep+by+twelve+weeks+old). I have not followed it to the T, but I took some of the main points I felt were reasonable. First was to establish a bedtime routine. We close the curtains, change his diaper, put on fresh PJs and feed him his bottle in his room with just a nightlight on. I usually have to rock him to sleep for about 10-15 mins before he falls asleep. Then, to make sure he's really asleep, I rock him for another 10-15 mins. I put him in his crib, ever so gently, turn off the nightlight and close the door. My son is now 8 weeks old and typically sleeps anywhere from 8 pm to 6 am.
The methods in this book work wonders.
My 18 month old daughter has been sleeping from 7pm- 6am since she was around 4 months old.
http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
You should check out https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/. Read through the articles there. Then, if you need to, you can join the Facebook group and ask questions. They're super helpful. It's pro-sleep training, but honestly, it sounds like you're at that point. The real goal of sleep learning is that the baby learns to put himself to sleep independently, without boob/rocking/walking/etc., so that when he DOES wake up in the middle of the night, he can go back to sleep easily if he's not wet/hungry/sick. There will be crying, but it sounds like he's crying now, AND not getting the sleep he needs, so it will be an improvement! You and your SO really need to be on the same page with this, or it won't work. But if you're doing the heavy lifting right now (the walking, the boob, the naps during the day) then in my opinion, it's your decision. You'll most likely have a week or less of crying, and then magical sleep.
You may also want to read the Ferber book, and for extra credit, the Weissbluth book. They both explain the science behind sleep, which helped me tremendously. They also give lots of ideas for teaching your baby to sleep independently. We did the Ferber method around 6 months, and now I know that if he wakes up at night, he's wet or sick, and it doesn't happen often.
I don't remember exactly what he says. I got the book from the library, so I don't have it on hand. My kid sleeps about 12 hours at night with one nap midday, 1-2 hours.
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1UGEDAMWRMQFC&keywords=weissbluth%27s+healthy+sleep+habits%2C+happy+child&qid=1549658452&sprefix=weissbluth%2Caps%2C278&sr=8-1
I know they are so stinking pricey for what they are! I only bought one of them and it sorta worked for a while until he started rolling over and then it wasn’t on his chest anymore. Hang in there!
Might I recommend the book “Healthy sleep happy child” our pediatrician recommended this book to us and it covers all different ages and stages of sleep with different strategies. We moved our sons bedtime earlier which really helped and did one of the sleep training strategies in this and finally got our son to sleep through the night at 16 months - he is still a work in progress and we have to redo sleep training every so often when he gets sick or something changes. He’s always been a horrendous sleeper! He’s 2 1/2 now and sometimes wakes once in the night still.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, 4th Edition: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night's Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553394800/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_cm.UBbZZXCDWB
Great question! I want to check out some of the other books mentioned here.
Our household also believes in free-range parenting, and I'm so with you on sleep being a priority. Our LO is 5 weeks old now, and I've found two that are helpful on sleep:
The first book was recommended by a co-worker who had good luck with it. It gives a good overview of what to expect week-by-week, month-by-month and into childhood. Basically, it takes about 6 weeks for circadian rhythms to develop, so until then the goal is just to learn to put the baby down "drowsy, but awake," so that she learns how to self-soothe and fall asleep on her own, rather than depending on a parent to rock her to sleep. We're not sleeping through the night yet, but we're pretty consistently seeing 3 and 4 hour stretches at night, and naps are getting shorter to compensate.
I'm only about halfway through Ferber, and I really like how it goes into sleep cycles. Basically, babies start with 5-10 minutes of REM, then fall into deep sleep. So when she's extra fussy and needs to be rocked to sleep, I know I can watch for the REM cycle to complete, then put her down when she's in deep sleep. Much of the sleep training content won't be appropriate until our baby is older. I like that it's not straight up "cry it out," but more strategies to get a baby/child to sleep with limited crying. Here's hoping that starting early works.
BTW, I loved Expecting Better. Such a relief to drink coffee guilt-free. I think the author is working on an evidence-based book about infants, but I'm not sure when it will be out.
Congratulations dude!
When do you drop the Baby Shark shirts?
This is the only book you need. The writing isn't great, but the info is gold.
This one, right?
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
We just did this with our 10 month old. The book we read was The Sleepeasy Solution. The book goes over dealing with older children also (up to age 4 I think).
It worked incredibly well, I can't recommend it enough.
Mine was this way until 5mo old too. Then we followed The Sleepeasy Solution method to get him to sleep and it worked SO WELL. He's like a different kid, one that can actually sleep in a crib.
I went through multiple night wakings to breastfeed for a whole year and I nearly lost my mind. I finally sleep trained at 12 months and my baby's mood improved SO much. He was sleeping a solid 12 hours and I was sleeping 8. My mental health improved, I had more patience, I could get more accomplished during the day, and I eventually stopped resenting my husband. I stopped hating breastfeeding because I no longer associated it with a lack of sleep. Life improved dramatically and I wish I had done it sooner and spared myself a lot of struggling. I used this book and it only took 3 nights! I couldn't believe how easy it was and I couldn't believe I waited so long to do it. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0757305601
Hang in there! June is only a few weeks away. Once your baby is in daycare you can have your housekeeper come more often. I cannot be at ease in a messy house and it's so much worse when you work from home because you don't get a break from the mess!
It took us two rounds of sleep training. The second time we did this method: http://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0757305601?psc=1&amp;redirect=true&amp;ref_=oh_aui_search_detailpage and it finally fucking worked! Now my kid finally sleeps well 90+% of the time and I feel more like a human.
Both my boys have slept through the night, every night, since they were 8 and 12 weeks old (illness aside). Kids are 3 and 1.5 now. They still sleep all night.
To the surprise of my coworkers, neither "you're lucky" nor "thank the Seven Faced God" apply.
It was this:
Precious Little Sleep: The Complete Baby Sleep Guide for Modern Parents
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997580801/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_J8Q3CbHSD3YGZ
Read it. Do it. Enjoy it. Pass it on.
> Your brain knows when it needs to sleep by measuring a chemical which builds up during the day. When you sleep, this chemical, adenosine, gets cleared out
The book "Why we sleep" goes into wonderful detail and describes several studies that are of great interest to those curious about sleep.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
Read the book Why we sleep by Matthew Walker https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
It might help,it’s a great book
Haha got up at 6:20 but that only left me 10 minutes before work so I just wrote out a quick poem.
After reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
I know sleep is the main thing to get. I made the mistake of going to bed too late.
Yes. It's a book by Matthew Walker. I think it would actually be a good artc book even though it barely touches on exercise.
Amazon link: Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501144316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_z9RTBb1QNY26H
Paralysis prevents sleepwalking. It is fairly uncommon for sleepwalkers to actually hurt themselves in a modern home, but the evolutionary roots of dreaming stretch back to the earliest land animals. If you're an outdoor critter, stumbling around at night will make you an easy meal for a predator.
Why We Sleep is a great book on the medical- evolutionary aspects of sleep, it appears to be essential for memory consolidation in complex animals, but even single celled organisms go through a cycle of stasis where they do biochemical repair.
As a Jungian, I consider sleep to be an immersion in the Unconscious, and a time to merge with the transpersonal force of creation. From the outside it looks like memory consolidation, from the inside it looks like travel through an alternate dimension- and both are true in some sense.
I notice that you sleep 6-7 hours during week days and "catch up" on saturday and sunday.
According to the book: why we sleep, you can't really get back the sleep you lost. You might feel better by sleeping longer, but you lose some benefits of sleep that you can't get back.
Totally, highly recommend everyone pick up the book Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams.
It goes over the torrent of health problems that are all directly connected to obtaining less than optimal amounts of sleep, or less than optimal quality of sleep.
For those who would rather watch something, here is the author presenting at Google: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXflBZXAucQ
I'd probably still aim to get out for my run, even on less sleep than normal. However, 8 hours of sleep is critical to our mental and physical wellness. There's an excellent book of the topic of sleep if you're a reader: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr=
I would create new accounts to upvote you multiple times for that book. It is logical, eye-opening, terrifying, and life-changing, all at the same time.
For any continuing readers:
Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
Sleep.
Being totally honest, I try a lot of the stuff in the other top level comments, but for the hard problems, it’s not until the next day that I have a good answer. Rich Hicky’s talk Hammock Driven Development talks a lot about this.
It’s a real thing. REM sleep, which happens mostly in morning sleep, helps us process those hard problems that we’ve been banging on. You can read more about it in this book.
You might also want to check out:
"restful insomnia"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1573244678/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_iCJyCb8WN1A3
"Why we sleep"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501144324/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_FEJyCbZ0BT482
"Head trip"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1851686517/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_-EJyCbVMFBKGQ
I have a six week old and we've had pretty good luck with swaddling and then rocking him to sleep or putting him in the stroller and walking him around to sleep, then putting him into a baby swing to sleep.
Also we've been following the tips in this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/151136145X
Edit: last night he set a new record, slept 8 hrs straight!
I'm only about 5 months into the experiment, but Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child has been useful. We checked a bunch of baby books from the library, and these were the only two that we ended up buying just to have on hand.
This is a good book to read about children and sleep. Developing good sleep habits is very important.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572246359/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466885430&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=SY200_QL40&amp;keywords=insomnia+workbook
I have found it very helpful so far and my sleep has improved. It talks a lot about reconditioning yourself to be able to sleep.
My boys have never been good sleepers. The advice in the No Cry Sleep Solution combined with Weissbluth's sleep 'schedule' helped a lot in the beginning, but at 6 months out, I needed something stronger as my boys still had opposite schedules and were up a lot at night. I read through a ton of baby sleep books and picked bits and pieces from a bunch. The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight is my current favorite because it has detailed breakdowns by month and a plan that's basic and easy to follow. I don't follow her guidelines 100% because I breastfeed on demand rather than schedule, and they still wake each other up overnight, but, with her help, I have my boys taking naps semi-together and nighttime has gotten a lot easier.
The thing about baby sleep is that you need to figure out what works for you and your baby. Some babies are fine being up every hour. Other babies are not. You can often tell how well a baby has slept by how quickly they go to bed after waking up in the morning or by fussiness. Since tweaking my boys' schedule and being more diligent about putting them down to sleep, both boys are less fussy and my night owl no longer spends all morning trying to get back to bed.
Sleeping through the night should come with growth, but some babies need help more than others. Read through the books and try out a plan for a few weeks. Don't be afraid of letting them grouse or cry for a bit if nothing else works. I swore I would never do CIO before I started on this sleep journey. Haven't had to yet, but I do now believe it's a necessity for some kids, perhaps if better sleep habits aren't taught to them earlier.
I feel your pain! My 23 month old had become a great sleeper until recently. At 9 months she was waking up hourly because we would rush in to get her back to sleep immediately. We found a sleep trainer in my area who advocated the "Sleep Lady Shuffle" - it's a gradual approach to helping little ones get used to sleeping on their own, with the parent by their side. Here is the book:
The Sleep Lady®'s Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593155581/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_XTiSCbKNANBBE
You could also reach out on their website if you were interested in having someone locally support you: sleeplady.com
This book saved us and we also had the sleep trainer supporting us. I will say that everything has changed at 23 months. My daughter is experiencing separation anxiety which is contributing to frequent night wakings, like 2 to 3 times per night and sometimes more. I stopped breastfeeding her at 9 months, so she isn't waking up because she wants to eat, but she is saying "Mama" or "Dada". Hopefully that makes you feel better, I think it's part of the 2 year sleep regression. I'm considering reaching out to the sleep trainer again to help us get through it. Unfortunately, my pediatrician doesn't seem versed in sleep solutions other than CIO.
I feel for you mama <3 I went through the same thing. Sleep deprivation is brutal. I don't have the time to post a long coherent comment right now (it's midnight here in Canada) but didn't want to leave without sending you a hug, and maybe a few ideas. First off, could your baby be high-needs ? (mine was, he's now a happy and healthy 3 year-old who still doesn't sleep through the night, like his mom and dad, who also don't sleep through the night ;) High-needs babies/toddlers have a more excitable central nervous system, and are notorious bad sleepers -- but in the end, they grow up to be as happy and healthy as their calmer friends. But that doesn't make things easier right now, does it :(
We have a family bed, and nursed / comforted him to sleep every single time. I know how hard it is. Maybe you can get some help during the day so you can take a decent nap, at least ? Maybe papa can take her on weekend mornings and go for a long walk with her in a carrier, while you catch up on zzz's ?
I will try to sign in tomorrow to send you some links, but I found this little blog post by Racheous from Respectful Parenting with several interesting links which are very attachment-oriented, as well as this one written by a mama going though the same thing. Evolutionary Parenting has several good articles on sleep training and its effect on infant development.
You can also get Dr James McKenna's book, Sleeping with your baby and many other resources that can be tailored to your preferences. Anyway... wish I could give you a hand. Please get help so you can rest a little. Parenting is crazy hard and was never intended to be done in solitude... We all need support. You're doing a great job mama ! Hang in there ! <3
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_j2ChAb4P2ZRZH
Can't recommend it highly enough. It can be difficult at first, especially with your first child. It can be hard for Mom to hear the baby cry. But once you get in the routine it works like magic.
I am a 29 year old with a 3 year old and a pair of twin 1 year olds. I can tell you that kids will flat wear her out to the point that she will go to bed earlier. Before kids my wife stayed up with me almost every night. After baby(ies) she knocks out at around 10pm. From 10pm on, the night is mine.
It might take some time but your first order of business is get that baby on a regular sleep schedule to where it is sleeping through the night. Here is my Holy Grail that got my twins sleeping 10 hours through the night by 8 weeks. Wife rejoiced. She got to sleep more and I got to play more.
It doesn't stop there. With all the sleeping she'll be doing, you better make up your lost time with her while she is awake by doing things that make her (or you both) happy. Happy wife = Happy life. It's taken a lot of work to get where I can balance game time with family time and still make a happy marriage, but it's definitely doable.
Bonus: when your toddler starts turning into Stewie (like mine has) and nags the wife non-stop, she'll sometimes just go upstairs to have alone mommy time. Game time for dad!
The No-Cry Sleep Solution, So That's What They're For-breastfeeding basics, baby 411.
As a pediatrician, lactation consultant and mother, please avoid:
Babywise it has been condemned by the American Academy of Pediatrics and La Leche League for its bizarre recommendation that newborns be put on a feeding and sleeping schedule that is pretty much designed to lead to breastfeeding failure, attachment issues, and failure to thrive. The reviews on amazon tell quite a story--some of the 1 star are former 5 star submitters who realized that their baby wasn't "good" or "obedient" or "quiet", they were starving like little Romanian orphans and had given up making noise because they were just ignored. If I could put every copy in an incenerator I would.
The Vaccine Book, a wildly misleading tome full of misinformation and fearmongering. For accurate vaccine information, please read Dr. Paul Offit's Vaccines and your child. He is a vaccinologist, meaning that he has devoted his entire professional career to studying vaccines. Dr. "Bob" is a general pediatrician, like me, and has no additional training in immunology, virology, microbiology, or vaccines.
We didn't exactly do "cry it out" but we roughly followed the Baby Wise (https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139) method for sleep training.
We're not fans of co-sleeping for the obvious "rolling on top of your infant" problem---especially since we both sleep so hard. But whatever works for you. My wife and I found that method worked well, but every little one is different. :-)
Gotcha! Still, to be confronted with that is tough :(
I don't think you NEED to do anything except for what keeps you sane! You know your lives the best :D You're doing an awesome job, mama.
I have a book that I love - it's called Sleeping Through the Night, and was written my by mentor's mentor. She's one of the best sleep researchers in the biz:
http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Through-Night-Revised-Toddlers/dp/0060742569?ie=UTF8&amp;keywords=jodi%20mindell&amp;qid=1465436987&amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-1
Also - I haven't read this at all, but it looks like it's newer:
https://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Deprived-More-Pregnancy-Motherhood-Helping-ebook/dp/B0042RU86S/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1465436987&amp;sr=1-6&amp;keywords=jodi+mindell
We had serious issues getting our son to sleep in his crib at night. We even went to a baby sleep doctor (ya they are a real thing).
The doctor recommended the book Sleeping Through the Night: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0060742569. That combined with his suggestions worked. We only wish we had starter earlier, rather than going a whole year with basically no sleep.
First it's important to make sure it isn't a health issue (ie: ear infection, acid, etc.). Also make sure they are fed enough. You may also want to try a baby sleep doctor to ensure there are no neurological issues or anything.
Routine is one of the most important things. The baby will learn when it is time to go to sleep. We start the route with eating. Then books in the living room. Then he gets dressed into his sleep sack. Next we take him upstairs, read him two more books, pick him up and sing him a song. Then into the crib. It doesn't have to be exactly like this, but this worked for us. We went from having to hold him all night to get him to sleep at all (and he was still waking up every hour) to doing the routine, putting him in the crib and he doesn't cry at all. Heck we can see him laying in the bed awake (via camera) sometimes for several minutes and not making a peep. Its because he knows what is expected of him... babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.
Anyway, it is very important that the baby falls asleep in their crib, not before. The key to making this happen and not having them cry for a long time is to make sure they are very tired... so tired in fact that they cannot protest for very long. This worked for us.
He started out crying for a while in the crib, then it got shorter and shorter. If he cried we would go in and comfort him - we learned that it was okay for us to go in, lay him back down and then leave. Each time we slowly extended the amount of time we waited until we went back into the room. We started off with 10 sec, then 20 sec, etc (we actually used a stopwatch since it felt like forever). I think this was called gradual extinction or something like that.
The key is to be consistent with how both parents respond and comfort baby. We did not like the idea of cry it out - tried it once and we both felt awful after 5 minutes. Initially when the baby wakes at night, you can comfort them the same way you have been. Gradually, after several weeks, you can stop doing this. Do not pick them up, but go in and lay them back down (if standing) and you can put your hand on them. This worked for us and now our baby sleeps about 8-9 hours a night. Now the issue is finding a diaper that doesn't leak through at night and working on that nap training.
Be consistent, have a routine, don't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please let me know if you have any other questions. I get what you are going through and am happy to help.
buy "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth and get that child on a sleep schedule...i know it is painful but the only way your son is going to learn to self-soothe and get the amount of sleep he needs is to let him cry...you arent betraying him, or betraying his trust, you are giving him one of the best gifts a parent can give - independence and rest...i put sleep just a notch below food in my parenting pyramid and believe it is SUPER important that children get enough sleep...that means two 1-2 hour naps a day until they are 2 yrs and then one 2-3 hr nap a day until at least 4 years...i know that seems like a lot and it will be hard to get the rest of you life done around the nap schedule but in my experience (i have a 3y old) sleep begets sleep and on the days that my DD doesnt get a good nap she doesnt sleep well at night...it's all in this book, i credit it with getting her to sleep through the night at 4 months and we have had minimal sleep problems ever since.
TL;DR buy this book NOW
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1311863969&amp;sr=1-1
Your first challenge is going to be sleep. This book is gold, worked on both of my kids:
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Tons of great info on how important sleep is to growing kiddos. Also plenty of strategies for helping your young ones sleep, and quite a few stories/testimonials from parents who have been there. Helped my wife and I with both of our kids!
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1344532815&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=healthy+sleep+habits+happy+child
check out the book Sweet Sleep
Hey! It seems like you know what you're talking about... How do you combat books like https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345518470/ (Sweet Sleep) that say CIO is bad for brain development and has long term negative consequences? Ever since reading that book, my wife is ANTI-CIO and as such, we're hardcore bed sharing / attachment parents now... which kinda sucks but the kiddo loves it and we get plenty of sleep.... But HE has to be attached to us to sleep, forever now.
https://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Breastfeeding/dp/0345518470 This book by le leche league had all the answers for me, except how to keep my arms and torso warm. I can't sleep with a shirt because then it's too hard for baby to nurse without us both waking up and I worry about suffocating him on accident, so I'm only wearing underwear and it's really cold! I also have to keep the blanket basically near his feet or he overheats. I'd also say that cosleeping is not very comfortable, I don't sleep as deeply as I did before baby because I'm always aware of his presence, I wake up every time his breathing changes or he wiggles. On the other hand it gives me peace of mind since I am pretty sure I would wake up if anything happened to him
You can get a used copy on Amazon for 6.99: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0399166025/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
Good luck!!!
Once he gets in a place where he can start taking some action and planning some things (which takes a while, believe me), I wholeheartedly recommend this book. My son slept through the night by 4-6 months of age (A MAJOR factor in keeping your sanity with an infant!). If he is open to help, I would even be willing to buy him a copy.
I'm not here yet, but I've heard good things about this book- https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
Basically, follow these steps, in order, and not moving on from one until the last is complete:
1- Feed 4 times during the day, every 4 hours (upon waking, 4 hours later, 4 hours later, and 4 hours later, then bedtime). Night feed as needed until this is done.
2- After the schedule in 1 is established, reduce the nighttime feedings in volume until they are eliminated. At this point, the child will be in the crib for 12 hours straight at night, only soothing if they've been crying for 3-5 minutes.
3- Once nighttime feedings are eliminated, train daytime naps: 1 hour in the morning, 2 hours in the afternoon.
My twins aren't even born so I know nothing. However, I read 12 hours sleep by 12 weeks old, it has a plan that seems solid and tons of tips. It has amazing rules. https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
Get this book. Best decision I ever made!
http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
Are you more frustrated by the fact that there are multiple endings, or that the endings are unsatisfactory and anticlimactic?
For the former, as others have pointed out, save scumming is an easy way around having to replay multiple times to get each ending. It's nice if you're short on time.
For the latter, well...expecting Souls games to have a powerful ending that ties the story together and gives you a sense of accomplishment will always leave you disappointed. The endings are meaningful and thought provoking, but it's in the same way that the rest of the story is: obscure and relying heavily on interpretation. But now you have the exciting opportunity to reflect on what happened and try to understand its implications, and to read what others have posted here about it. :)
As for using guides...yeah, it's a tough call. If you're okay with needing to replay a game a few times to 100% it, then skip the guide. If not, I recommend trying to find a spoiler-free guide to help you make sure you don't miss much. Personally, what I find most infuriating is the easy-to-miss NPC questlines.
Congrats on the baby, and good luck! To maximize your leisure time as a Dad, I highly recommend this book for sleep training: http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593. Worked like a charm for us over the last 2 years. Getting them onto a sleep schedule that gives you a few free hours a night is a life-saver!
This sounds like me a few years ago. My husband's career was more promising than mine and daycare in our area was going to be just as much (once we had two) as my paycheck so I decided to stay home with our first (and now second) child. For me, it's all about tackling the week. Sometimes just that day or that next ten minutes, but usually the week.
TL;DR: Create a daily routine, get out of the house and try to get in touch with what you love outside of the baby. You go momma! :-)
We have been using this book to train our 2 month Olds.
https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
The basics of it is you need to stretch out those 3 hour feedings to 4 hours. Then you work on sleep training.
If you haven't tried it already, you should read the book 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks Old. It's awesome.
We cheat on the "rules" a bunch, but my kid routinely sleeps 9-10 hours per night now, no problems at all.
We got ours to sleep through the night at 10 weeks. We did CIO (at the recommendation of our pediatrician) and she's been sleeping 12 hours ever since (8pm - 8am). We just stopped going in at night. By the third night she didn't even wake up for the feeding at night. My wife read "12 hours by 12 weeks" as a guide too. Basically just says make sure they're getting their required amount of food during the 12 awake hours. Good luck!
Edit: Why the downvotes?
we followed the http://www.amazon.com/The-Sleepeasy-Solution-Exhausted-Parents/dp/0757305601 also. I read several books, but this one was most straight forward. What I had to learn was that sleep training isn't an event, it's a lifestyle.
We started when the girls were ~5 months. Most of the time they are asleep within 10 minutes nap or night time. Sometimes they still cry, it's upsetting every time for us, but we know that the ALMOST 11 consecutive hours of sleep they get per night is good for them and us.
We dont really allow pacifiers and we stopped swaddling kind of as part of the process - like you mention - when babies proved they could turn over.
at 4 months, they had also regressed, we were waking at LEAST twice a night and no one would go back down. the night time routine was taking some 2-3 hours of nursings and rockings. It was torture. We are all so much happier now.
I have a similar arc and would like to emphasize a few things that I find important. Please take these suggestions with a hefty grain of salt because my journey is ongoing, I've slipped many a times, and each person is unique in their own right so what is categorically important for me may not be the same for you.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
That link is a great book changed my whole outlook on the importance of proper rest.
Just to tie this back to fasting somewhat, seeing as it is a fasting sub lol, I, like many others and yourself as well I'm sure, have found fasting to be an incredible way of providing emotional and mental clarity.
Overall, I think what you're doing is awesome! I'm 26, so not too far from you age wise, but I feel like (and i don't mean to come off as elitist or anything) mindsets like this are definitely in the minority in today's society or at least in our age cohort.
Oh and lastly be careful with your reintroduction of food on the longer fasts. This is anecdotal, but I've found that when indulging in my 5 day fast refeeds, I generally will crash, and subsequently find myself prone to start entertaining the idea of going out and buying a tin or firing up my computer and searching some illicit site.
Be vigilant with yourself but don't beat yourself too much if you slip. I've found it's a fine line to walk. Anyways, apologies for the rant. Best of luck in adhering to the plan you've set forth and hopefully it will reap great things for you in the same way that I hope mine does for me as well.
Full disclosure: I'm overcoming my own sleep difficulties (after 20 years of not sleeping well). My advice is based on what is working for me.
Some reading for you:
If you like the sound of the program in Jacobs's book, I suggest finding a therapist trained in CBT-I (cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia). The program requires you to confront your anxiety about sleep -- anxiety you might not know you have -- and a therapist can help. I also recommend the CBT-i Coach app, which lets you easily log your sleep data each day and, after you log a week's worth of data, prescribes sleep and wake times. You might also consider having a sleep study done to rule out physical (as opposed to behavioral) causes.
Good luck.
I've tried a ton of stuff to fix my 'sleep maintenance insomnia'. I can only sleep 5 hours then still tired but wake up. I literally have almost no stress in my life right now (unusual I know) so don't think CBT will help. I've also used at least 5 sleep trackers: Zeo, Beddit, ResMed, FitBit and a couple more.
The fascinating thing about Trazadone is it great increases my deep sleep according to my ResMed tracker (the best and surprisingly cheapest sleep tracker). I'm still short on total sleep and experimenting again with melatonin - specifically REMFresh mentioned by my psychologist.
I've not had nightmares from Trazadone in the last several months, but I also almost never have nightmares so am not currently pre-disposed. I don't watch horror movies though.
Sorry about the anxiety and depression.
Also a friend just recommended this book which is great: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
I've read a dozen books and hundreds of other articles. Reading this is the first time I've learned new and clarifying information in a long time. It is extremely well researched + written by a world class sleep expert. It's also on Audible which is great if you have tired eyes like me.
Hope some of that's helpful. Though not all pointedly answering your question these are the most valuable things I've learned in the last year.
I'd recommend trying to cut out horror movies and continuing with the trazadone. My gf loves horror too. It distracts her from her anxiety and though I don't claim to be an expert it logically self perpetuates some of these issues. I have other behaviors I need to break which perpetuate mine as well.
On top of what everyone else said, make sure you get at least 7 hours of sleep every day, 8 if possible. Most of the recovery and fat burning actually happen when you sleep, but it takes several hours for the process to even start (after 5 or 6). That's why you can't really "catch up" on sleep (ie: 6 hours sleep + 2 hours nap is not the same thing as 8 hours of sleep, because some processes take 5 to 6 hours to begin and last for 2).
There's a great book that covers all of this in great details, called "Why we sleep" (here). If you want the TL;DR version, the author was a guest on JRE (here).
I'm sorry to hear that. Im also the head of my household and I understand how much it sucks when you don't get enough sleep and are the one who's supposed to make the money regardless. If you haven't read it I can fully recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316 it has very good general information on how sleep works and how to improve your quality of sleep. Even if it improves your sleep just by 10% it's worth every penny. Good luck there!
Yes, this is trouble. I recommend this book for you to decide for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
I'm so glad I found this thread. I've had my galaxy watch for 5 days so far, and I've only had 5-8mins total of deep sleep for 2 out of the 5 days. Having read "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams", I learned that you pretty much die quickly without healthy sleep. Last night it says between 1am -1:30am there is no data even though I never took off the watch (and I was dead asleep). I suspect its buggy code. They should just steal the sleep algorithms from Fitbit.
Please read this book. It is changing my entire life.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
You're on the same combo as me. A little seroquel for sleep and some lamictol. I'm going to give you a funny recommendation. It's not a self help book, but this book convinced me that sleep is the best medicine I can take and ever since reading it I've prioritized sleep above all things AND, perhaps more importantly, come to love sleep and "over sleeping".
Before the book I was Mr. "I only need 6 hours of sleep". Now I'm Mr. "I want at least 8.5 and more is better."
I used to have all kinds of trouble with sleep and I feel like a lot of it was because I didn't actually want to sleep… something happened after reading (listening to actually) this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
Drop some actual science on her.
Hearing this guy in interviews and reading his book led to some major revelations about the how, why and how much about sleep. Google him.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
Here's a book on this topic. It scared the shit out of me. The stats on those that get 6hrs or less is really compelling. Everything seems to unravel with less than adequate sleep.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316
Tehniku sa papirićima imaš detaljnije objašnjenu ovde. App za komp i za mobilni ovde (mada ja više preporučujem fizičke kartice). Način obnavljanja za najefikasnije pamćenje imaš ovde. Koristi ih za najbitnije podatke i definicije.
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Gingko je marketinška prevara. Nemaš nikakvo realno dejstvo od njega osim placeba. Najbitnije, njegov efekat bi trebalo da bude poboljšanje pamćenja (u šta čisto sumnjam) ali ne čini ništa da poboljša motivaciju i pospanost. Nastavi da ga uzimaš, nemam ništa protiv, i ja ga popijem ponekad ali ne očekuj efekat koji će presudno uticati na tvoje učenje.
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Ako uzmeš modafinil, preporučujem ne više od dva puta nedeljom, jednu tabletu ujutro (efekat je oko 14 sati, tako da ti može ometati spavanje ako ne uzmeš ujutro). Uglavnom danima kada te mrzi da bilo šta uradiš i spava ti se. Ostalim danima kada si relativno motivisan ti ne treba. Način sigurnog i efikasnog uzimanja imaš ovde. Naručiti ga možeš preko -[email protected]. Cena je 170 dinara po tableti. Prodaje se u pakovanju od po 10. Najbolje ti je da uzmeš Modalert brend za početak. Ovo je sajt ljudi koji nabavljanju. Domaći korisnici i njigova iskustva ovde.
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Dodatni saveti:
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Osam sati spavanja - OBAVEZNO! Veći deo pamćenja se odvija u toku spavanja. Gradivo koje jednom pročitaš se u procesu spavanja se obnavlja preko 20x. Jači efekat ti ima dobro spavanje nego bilo koja nootropic droga za pamćenje. Imaš ovu super knjigu o tome. Napravi redovan raspored kada ležeš i kada se budiš. Znatno diže energiju i koncentraciju.
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Ako si pri kraju, realna procena koji takođe moraš napraviti je da li ti telefon/ komp/ društvene mreže kvare koncentraciju i odvlače ti pažnju. Meni je to bio problem, ali ne mora da znači da je i tebi, tako da ignoriši ovaj deo ako nije. Najbolje je da tih par meseci učiš u čitaonici, ili ako baš hoćeš kući imaš aplikacije za privremeno blokiranje kompjutera, slične imaš i na telefonu. Tako nećeš imati ništa drugo da radiš osim da učiš.
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Pomodoro tehnika je takođe odlična ako ti je teško da počneš sa učenjem. To je u suštini učenje 25 minuta pa 5 minuta pauze. Možeš i da povećaš ako imaš bolju koncentraciju, meni je ova tehnika najefikasnija u 55/15 odnosu, ali sve je to stvar slobodne procene i toga koliko te drži mesto. App za mobilni.
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Nadam se da će ti nešto od toga biti od pomoći.
Agreed. Daytime sleepiness is a definite sign you are not sleeping enough or well enough at night. it is true that sleep pressure builds over a period of 16 hours from the time you wake up. But if you are sleepy during the day and need caffeine to manage it, you're not sleeping enough.
If you want to understand why that is so critical, read this book. You will never see sleep the same way again. Or, if you don't have time to read the book, watch Joe Rogan's interview with Matthew Walker on The Joe Rogan Experience..
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144324/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=78477646311922&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&keywords=why+we+sleep&qid=1569147331&sr=8-1
I feel that. 11-8 is probably what all of your peers should be doing. School is a serious problem.
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If school starts at 9, can you get up *any* later than 6? You mentioned that you lay in bed on your phone for a while... maybe if you showered the night before, you'd have more time to sleep during your "golden hours" of 11-8?
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I wish there was a better answer. I think there will be a time when the education will reform it's schedule after they're convinced of the consequences of messing with teenagers sleep. In fact, I would even say that early high school depriving teens of sleep could be one of the major causes of all the developmental disorders that are so common now. Anxiety, depression, etc.
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If you want to learn more, pick up a copy of Why We Sleep and start there.
I don't have a good treatment book to recommend. Sitting on my desk next to read is Why we Sleep by Matthew Walker. We overlapped in training and he is brilliant so I look forward to reading this. I enjoyed Dreamland by Randall as an easier to read lay book. Bill Dement is the father of sleep medicine and his last book, The Promise of Sleep, is a nice call to arms for better sleep, though it is almost 20 years old now. I'm a sleep researcher, not a clinician, so the books I'm reading are not really clinical guides, though they contain good information.
As for insomnia, it is best treated by behavioral interventions. The research clearly shows that sleep medicines are only good for acute insomnia (maybe you just had a surgery and the pain is keeping you up at night) and not chronic insomnia. One place to start looking for someone to help would be to check out the Society for Behavioral Sleep Medicine provider list. Most sleep disorders clinics should either have a psychologist on staff or a referral to one.
This is what they will basically have you do. First, you should only go to bed if you are sleepy. If you do not fall asleep within 15-20 minutes, you need to get out of bed, and do something boring under low lights. Do not get on the computer or watch TV, turn on a lamp and read a boring book until you are falling asleep. Then go to bed and if you are not asleep within 15-20 minutes, do it all over again. It may be that you stay awake all night or until 4am the first few times you do it. That is fine, it will actually help you. Do not take a nap, be dead tired because that will help you fall asleep normally after a few days. Also, you need a consistent wake time, no matter your job or school or whatever. Pick a time and wake up everyday (even weekends) at that time.
You also need to look up best practices for sleep hygiene. Most importantly, do not use your bed for anything other than sleep or sex. Do not read, watch TV, play on your tablet, etc. in bed. You want to train your body so that it knows when your head hits the pillow, it is sleep time not thinking or doing time. If you have problems with intrusive thoughts as you are trying to go to sleep, download a guided meditation or progressive muscle relaxation and listen to it while trying to go to sleep (if you are concentrating on the meditation, you can't think about all of the things you were supposed to do that day). Also make sure you can't see the time. You do not need to know what time it is in the middle of the night. Seeing that it is 3am and knowing you have to be at work at 7am causes anxiety which makes it harder to go to sleep.
Do the routine where you get up if you can't fall asleep within 15-20 minutes for week and see if that does not help. The information I gave you are two components of CBT treatment for insomnia (Stimulus control therapy and relaxation). Now going to a sleep disorders clinic can be good because they will rule out other possible causes of your sleep problem other than regular insomnia. You can also try something like melatonin. The clinical evidence really says that it is only good for circadian rhythm issues like jet lag (there is some limited evidence that it can help with insomnia), but many people swear by it and it will most likely not hurt anything. Once again, do not get on ambien, lunesta, etc. for long-term insomnia. They will make it worse.
As I said before, I am a sleep researcher, not a clinician. Everything I told you can be googled so please read up on behavioral treatments of insomnia.
>Lasik is a horrible example
Fair. I hesitated to use it but decided to use the first medical example that came to mind. I will say though that from everything I've read lately, I don't think the procedure is as dangerous as made out to be. Serious, lasting side effects percentage-wise are still low and improving despite the issues. I also think there needs to be due diligence on the part of the patient. I probably wouldn't get Lasik myself, but if I ever do, I'm going to do my research to find a reputable program for it and understand the risks. I'll also note, there are many 'regulated' procedures done in fancy hospitals that I would never agree to because they also pose a level of risk that I'm not comfortable with. There's risk in any health procedure.
>but your argument breaks down when early detection and payment of say heart medications would increase quality of life and make patients live longer and overall be cheaper to everyone, insurers and providers.
>Same with diabetes. Figure it out very early, start treatment and get people healthier, because now many who can barely afford to see a doctor are doing just what you say, having catastrophic insurance and waiting until there is a problem not easily fixed.
Agreed, people need to focus on prevention. But I think the current mentality is misguided and focuses on band-aid fixes instead of correcting the root cause. The western lifestyle is horrible for our health. Very little sleep (another good read), very little exercise, and a horrendous diet. Get people 8+ hrs of sleep, get them moving around more, and get them eating more veggies seems like a much better plan than "here's a pill that will help your BP but will also give you bad side effects". Not against pills entirely, but it should be reserved for when lifestyle improvements aren't enough; supplemental use. These changes would free up healthcare resources which also lowers costs since we have an increasing amount of people in poor health and a healthcare system struggling to keep up with demand. Insulin is a different topic that I can't accurately explain in short, but here are 2 articles that begin to break into that discussion: 1, 2.
>Much like a dentist. See one twice a year, catch things early and saves a ton of money compared to waiting until something hurts and spending a metric ton and going into debt.
The experience may vary persons to person, but I personally don't have dental insurance (not saying it's for everyone). I pay out of pocket for yearly cleanings and it ends up costing less than dental insurance (tell them you'll pay cash upfront). I also focus on a good diet without lots of sugar and processed foods to support teeth health. Both are preventative measures, neither require insurance, and both will save me money in the long run.
>On top of all that, prior to WWII, if you could see a doctor which was not nearly as readily available now, you didn't have expensive tests, or medications. The doc knew from what experience they had or it was simply palliative care.
You are correct. However tech tends to improve in service and cost over time so while it may be more expensive, I don't think it has to be extraordinarily more expensive. Look at electronics. We get crazy new tech every year with all these new features, and every year, that same tech goes way down in cost, even after inflation. Many things we take for granted today were unattainable to everyone but the rich back when they first came out (cars, phones, computers, AC, etc).
>but it simply is just a conservative vs liberal argument and goes no where.
It often is, I'll agree there as well. I wish it wasn't, and I personally do not argue for either side because I have disagreements with both sides. I just want to provide a viewpoint not many people hear because I passionately believe that we're better off fixing our problems on our own (or at least at the local govt level) than relying on a massive bureaucratic central govt.
>the overhaul of healthcare in the US which you or I are def not intelligent enough to do alone.
I think the fact we can both dig in this deep and not resort to insults represents a minimum level of intelligence. And maybe this is blind optimism, but I also think the solutions aren't as complex once we start really digging into the root cause of the problem and fixing things little by little (easier said than done). I'm also willing to bet we have plenty of common ground, maybe not as much on solutions, but on what the issues are. I find that promising.
No worries man. I’m glad you read it. And honestly I can’t explain how I’m humbled that you find it actually helpful. Thank YOU for digesting the stuff that I’ve written. It means a lot to me that I could able to feel someone better.
It’s a great thing that you’ve mentioned your needs on therapy. Just 1 thing I’d like to point at. You shouldn’t be labelling ur self in depression. Neither your parents as well. It might be completely different thing. I’m assuming your parents might have told you “you got a warm house so how come you’re depressed” or something like that. Sounds like my parents lol.
In my most honest suggestion that you keep mentioning that you need a therapist. Not in a nagging attitude ofc lol. Just try to communicate this when everyone is having a regular or a normal time. Not when you’re feeling down. In much harsh words, tell u need to talk with a professional when shields are down. Because pretending is way more tiring than just being unhappy. That’s what I’ve did for years and end up hating my self, everyone else and most sadly my parents.
Also meanwhile you’re trying to help yourself I’ve got two suggestions for you.
This book-> https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501144324/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_hPx2Db44AP10J (this cover is terrible. if you can find get the penguin release lol)
And start watching HBO’s in treatment. It’s a quite deep series. But it’ll give you an insight how to approach to a therapist. Tbh, I started to get more out of my therapy after watching this. Therapy is not a magic wand. It works when you actually converse with the human that listens you fully at that moment.
My daughter fought us in a similar way and for us it was actually a earlier bedtime rather than later. She was overtired. I would get home at 6 or 7 and we would eat together and have bathroom then a show. By 9 it was bedtime. We started feeding her right after daycare and started the bedtime around 7. So I don't get to see my daughter much which sucks but her behavior turn a 180. Plus we have a couple extra hours to ourself. We did the same with our 1 year old boy. First week sucked but now it's really worked out. Check this book out. You can flip through it doesn't require a intense read. https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/151136145X
Yes, there's a workbook for that. But honestly, if you're going to a lot of therapy and getting a low ROI, I'd suggest replacing it with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. CBT cuts through anxiety with a machete! It's the only talk psychotherapy that's clinically proven to work. It got me off sleeping pills in less than two months. And my therapist was like, "I don't want to see you in six months because that means the CBT isn't working."
Given that Sleep Restriction seemed to help, I'd recommend looking into Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). It's a research-backed behavioral approach to sleep problems. Most people don't know it, but it's actually widely considered by most medical associations to be the treatment of choice for insomnia.
Look for a clinical psychologist (PhD or PsyD) who is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist and also does CBT-I.
These two books are also very good:
Say Goodnight To Insomnia by Gregg Jacobs
The Insomnia Workbook by Stephanie Silberman
Good Luck!
Great list.
Things I would add:
Use you bed for sleep only - that means no reading or surfing the web.
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If you can't fall asleep in 15 minutes - get up out of bed and do something relaxing for 10-20 minutes and then try again.
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I recommend that you go through a book like this:
https://www.amazon.com/Insomnia-Workbook-Comprehensive-Guide-Getting/dp/1572246359/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=9JF6CJC55GKYX1TJ99E2
The Sleep Lady's Guide!! This book saved my life.
It will pass, but may return around 7 months. I’m reading this (DD is 6 months). Highly recommended by a friend who said it saved his sanity and marriage with two kids.
The Sleep Lady®'s Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593155581/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hz4FDb9CG44CE
You want to put your son in his cot while he is drowsy, but still awake. That will help him learn to fall asleep without being rocked. It is really hard to start out with, but it is a long-term investment in his sleep quality, and your sanity.
I really liked the book by The Sleep Lady. She's sort of a low-intensity sleep trainer. We borrowed her book when our daughter was 5 months-old, from a woman with triplets. I made my husband do the nighttime duty, which nobody enjoyed, but was effective. She knew she couldn't get breastmilk from Daddy, so she didn't protest so much. About a week later, she was going down and sleeping through the night with ease. 10 years later she's still easy at bedtime, and sleeps like the dead.
In case it's of interest, I found this book so helpful when my daughter was young. It helps really understand sleep patterns and how to navigate things like big transitions, travelling, change in naps from 2 to 1, etc. It covers up to age 5 and it was my bible. I hope you figure it out and life gets less stressful - good luck with the move! https://www.amazon.ca/Sleep-Lady%C2%AEs-Good-Night-Tight/dp/1593155581/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1542931199&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+sleep+lady
I would recommend this book by Dr. James McKenna on cosleeping:
http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Your-Baby-Parents-Cosleeping/dp/1930775342/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1334509955&amp;sr=1-1
He talks about safe co-sleeping and how to do it to ensure you're not increasing the risk factors for SIDS. Our baby never had the issue of spitting up and choking, if she did spit up, it would just sort of come out the side of her mouth. But, she didn't really spit up much while she was asleep for the first few months. Babies can at least turn their heads slightly to spit up and out of their mouths.
If you can't afford/find the book, the website for Dr. McKenna is also very helpful.
http://cosleeping.nd.edu/
I tell every new parents about this book: https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=babywise&amp;qid=1562951934&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-2
It's a great resource for first time parents and it made life much easier for my wife and I with our first.
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0khEAbHVSJA9E here is the amazon link! I started giving a nightly bath and then a bottle before bed. I did everything at the same time every night. Babywise goes into a lot of better detail and had a lot more stuff you can do. I ended up not needing to do any of what they suggested cuz my kids responded to the routine.
Yes, you have to buy the seats separately, but they come with the bases.
https://www.target.com/p/graco-174-snugride-30-click-connect-infant-car-seat/-/A-16721764
Smart move on not getting used.
Unsolicited advice... Get them this book. It has saved us. Our babies are sleeping through the night (11:30pm-7am). Best thing ever.
https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139
Check out the book Babywise, which is where this routine comes from.
https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139
It's very heteronormative/two parent centered but if you can ignore the kind of judge parts, I think it can be really helpful.
I read, well skimmed, Baby Wise and while I thought the author was kinda smug, our kid got through sleep regression in 3 days. Highly recommend
Here’s the link on Amazon
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_0UqRDbT0KDYFA
I think this answer is different for people of different ages and states of physical health, but I know for myself -- a 49-year old male -- sleep comes first. If I try to sacrifice sleep to have more time for work, I end up being not as alert or attentive as I normally would and my brain just doesn't function as well, so the time gained by sacrificing sleep is just wasted, and I would have gotten more done (and made fewer mistakes doing it) if I'd slept more.
There is a lot of good science that shows if you are sleep deprived, basically everything about your physical and mental health goes down the tubes very rapidly. I highly recommend the book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker which goes into terrifying detail about the importance of getting at least 6 hours of sleep each night.
That said, it's also not the case that the more sleep you get, the better you function. Some people (like my 16-year old daughter) want to sleep all the time and it doesn't make them more productive. So while 6 hours seems to be the baseline, anything beyond that I think you have to find the balance that works for you.
I've heard that vitamin D suppresses the secretion of melatonin for a few hours and therefore should be consumed during the day, preferably when the sun is out. So don't take it at night, or past daylight tbh. And also make sure you are taking co-factors along with it, like K2, B vitamins, etc. Read up on it. And vitamin D is absolutely linked to sleep from what I've read (see here). And it should be D3 not D2.
I've also read that sleep aids usually sedate you but don't actually help you sleep sleep.
Have you tried cutting out caffeine completely?
Anyway, I recommend you read, if you haven't already, the following:
Also, idk how much sleep is affecting your lifestyle, but I've heard of programs where you work for the national park service for several months, like 5-6 months. You sleep and work in the wilderness with no electronics etc. I've always been tempted by the adjustment that might make in my life.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06ZZ1YGJ5 for the lazy
I think current research shows melatonin has little effect unless you're jetlagged and need to normalize your schedule. Heard it on Joe rogan podcast with Matthew Walker,
a scientist dedicated to studying sleep who wrote why we sleep
Or encourage them to get to bed earlier. If you are sleeping through alarm clocks, it is usually due to you not getting enough sleep overall. Source - https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams-ebook/dp/B06ZZ1YGJ5/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1510286762&amp;sr=8-4&amp;keywords=sleep
I hope not to sound as a spammer, i'm currently working on a website to solve these kind of issues, this link ( http://buuy.me/a/B01674BNU8 ) should always link to the local amazon (or the .com if no local amazon is found) !
The website is still a WIP but should be stable enough so feel free to use it if you need to link the book to someone which may not be from the US.
Worked for me https://www.amazon.de/dp/B01674BNU8
Even at the German Amazon link? https://www.amazon.de/dp/B01674BNU8
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1932740139/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1521941312&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=babywise+giving+your+infant+the+gift+of+nighttime+sleep&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=41JKJto2VXL&amp;ref=plSrch
Yup.. Our girls turn 4 months old in a week.
Bought this: https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593
It's not working yet, but it has given us structure and that already has been a HUGE help.
The plan basically is (after they are like 8 weeks old and eat 24 ounces a day and maybe something else):
So our day is - wake up, try to pour 7 ounces into them, try to keep them up 2 hours and then go for a walk. Repeat 3 times a day. Then at the end of the day pour another 7 ounces in and watch them fall asleep. One sleeps 8-9 hours before needing another ounce or two, the other is with mom and gets fed twice a night for a few minutes.
Link for other parents: https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=healthy+sleep+habits+healthy+baby&amp;qid=1554863782&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1
My wife and I have used this book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0757305601/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_J6V6wbRBYXZK2 We started sleep training around 6 months and oh my god it's made a world of difference for us. A lot of it has to do with timing naps properly and keeping a very strict bed time schedule.
Hey! Yeah it has kinda become a series, but that is just someone piggy backing if its success. Here are the originals.
Here is the one for infants
Here is 5-12 months
I can sum up one of the most important principles for you if you don't want to buy them. Though I highly suggest you do.
At around 5-6 weeks you allow your baby to cry it out for 15 minutes max. After that you can go in and comfort the baby. This is mostly for the mother, as it is hard for the mom to do this.
Then every night you will eventually watch that 15 minutes of screaming drop to 12, then 10, then 5. Then only a minute.
This same principle then applies for older kids as they grow up and more challenges arise, like toddlers who won't stay in bed. In our experience we had to allow for them to cry and learn that they can do it and it will be ok. Eventually allowing for themselves to calm down and sleep.
Baby Wise infant sleep training. It works.
Ok you are mistaken if you think i'm recommending the same CIO for a 3-month old versus a 3-week old.
I cited Feber merely as a general term but obviously the technique you used on a 3-month old is not going ot be the same on a 3-week old.
The book baby-wise https://www.amazon.ca/Becoming-Baby-Wise-One/dp/1932740139?th=1&amp;psc=1&amp;source=googleshopping&amp;locale=en-CA&amp;tag=googcana-20&amp;ref=pd_sl_34cj9m9b1t_e
describes an approach which involves a combination of CIO + close observation. The book coined a term for this method which i can't recall, but that's the method i'm advocating.
In fact, the book STRONGLY criticizes parents who hug their babies to sleep, including 3-week old newborns.
Get this book and start sleep training. It's gonna be rough starting at 1 year, but the sooner you get on it the better. The basic idea is that you develop regular schedule and your kid learns when it's time to eat and when it's time to sleep. We started at birth and both of my kids have been sleeping through the night since 3 months old. They can sleep anywhere, and even adjust to time zone changes no problem. It's going to be rough and there is going to be some amount of letting your child cry for a short, non-emotionally-scarring amount of time as they get used to the new schedule and learn to self soothe - but at the end you and baby BOTH get the gift of sleep!
EDIT: Don't listen to the CULT of attachment parenting that thinks this book is pure evil. If you actually read past the first page you'll see that it's all about moderation and gently nudging your child towards an eat/sleep schedule that results in sleeping through the night. There seems to be an organized group of whackos whose sole mission in life is to steer people clear of a book that has helped me and MANY others experience the joy of happy, healthy children who sleep through the night.